Maybe Later(3)

How do you know what all twenty-eight-year-old women do during their free time?

You run a company which designs and manufactures computer parts.

Why can’t I find any pictures of you on your website?

I didn’t research you. Your website has your bio, and attached to it there’s a picture of a building. Most people add their image to the bio. Unless … you are a building?

Do you study female behavior during your free time? Maybe you’re building the next generation of A.I. technology and trying to replace twenty-eight-year-old women.

Do you even have a hobby and favorite food, Mr. Spearman?

Since you’re emailing after midnight, I’m guessing you’re a workaholic who spends more time working than living.

Sincerely,

Amy





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From: J. Spearman

To: A. Walker

Subject: RE: VA

Saturday, March 5th, 1:37 a.m.



I’ve owned pets in the past, none of them named after food. We had a Pointer growing up, his name was Duke. My mother chose it. And no, that doesn’t mean I need therapy. Mom and I have a good relationship. If you’re going to be my assistant, you’ll have to be a lot more professional than you’ve been in the past few emails.

There’s a reason for the NDA. I like to keep my life private. Technology is my passion, but even I agree that social media can be too invasive. I’m private in order to enjoy my freedom to do as I please without having other people following my whereabouts.

Work isn’t my life. I know how to relax—without yoga. Have you tried traveling? It’s better than yoga and Pilates. I do more than work by the way. I travel with my brothers. One of them has a dog. His name is Trevor. The dog, not my brother.

Honestly, I’m baffled by your fear of traveling. It sounds as if you know the statistics. I’d tell you that driving in the city is worse than flying, but I’m afraid you’d stop leaving your house. You need a professional to help you work through your phobia.

The Titanic sank more than a hundred years ago. I assure you, if anything like that happened today, every passenger would be rescued before the ship sank.

Single malt is better than tequila. Unless you’re drinking Gran Patron Piedra, Clase Azul, or Casa Dragones.

I haven’t been twenty-eight for a long time, but my sisters—who happen to be twenty-nine, are way more outgoing than you. I adore them, but replicating them would be the last thing I’d want to do. The world doesn’t need more than those two. So no, I don’t study female behavior, but with my mom and sisters, I have plenty of material.

Hobbies aren’t my thing unless you call hanging with my brothers during the weekend a hobby. We hike, ski, snowboard or skydive depending on the season and when we can get together. We live in different states. My routine isn’t anything special. During the week I keep it simple: run, work, gym, work, sleep. I don’t have any food preferences. Except, I try not to eat salads. I don’t understand the concept of a salad. What are they?

I should fire you for your insubordination, but your comment had me curious. Why would I be assigned to you as the problem child?

I won’t answer your questionnaire.

J. Spearman





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From: A. Walker

To: J. Spearman

Subject: Judging

Saturday, March 5th, 9:35 a.m.



Don’t think you got the last word just because I didn’t respond to the previous email promptly. You are free to fire me for my … insubordination ? Ha!

Nothing is stopping you from doing so, but who will be assisting you after I’m gone?

Your assistant, who had a baby girl earlier today, won’t be there to save you. That reminds me, I took the liberty of sending a flower arrangement and a gift on your behalf to Carla. The note reads: Thank you for hiring such an efficient VA. Enjoy your time with your daughter. Mr. Spearman.

I’ll be billing the gift, and the time I spent doing the task at the end of the month. You’re welcome.

You have a big family, don’t you? Are your sisters twins? I ask since both are twenty-nine. You might be saying you’re not a workaholic, but run, work, gym, work, is the pattern of an overworked CEO. Do you live on coffee and single malt? Let me guess, you like your coffee dark and bitter—like your soul. I noticed you didn’t list eating in your weekly schedule. Do you wait until the weekend to eat?

I don’t know the brands of tequila you mentioned, I’ll make sure to check them out when I travel to Mexico—never.

You have hobbies. Winter sports, maybe hiking. Do you fish? You’re one of those outdoorsy people, aren’t you? I’m shocked since you live to work. Again, see your schedule above before you protest.

It’s up to you to answer the questionnaire. If you don’t have a reservation ready for your wife’s birthday, it won’t be my fault. Your dry cleaning won’t deliver itself—you’re in charge. Thankfully, you don’t own a pet. I won’t worry about any pet services, or that poor Rufus would die of boredom. If your birthday is within the next three months, may I remind you to make a doctor’s appointment for your physical? I don’t have that information either.

Most of our clients are easy going and understand that to serve them, they have to trust us. You have trust issues. I can’t wait to start my assignment this upcoming Monday.