Loving Me, Trusting You(53)

“What have you got with you?” I ask the girl, surprising her. She looks up at me, blue eyes wide and untainted. Whatever Bested by Crows did to her, they didn't rape her. If they had, I could tell. They barely roughed her up. Not enough time, maybe? Given the opportunity, I know they would've done much, much worse.

Christy picks up her bag, one of three that she had shoved in her trunk. Beck picked one at random and tossed it onto his bike. I never thought to ask if she had all the essentials.

“Nostalgic stuff mostly,” she replies, voice soft and tentative, almost like she's afraid to speak to me. “My clothes got left behind. I've been borrowing Amy's.” I look her up and down before sighing. She's wearing one of Beck's extra jackets with full patches. Kind of pisses me off, but what can I do about it? It's not like I have a bunch of extras lying around, and without the time to get her a new one, she'll have to make do. Can't make the bitch ride in floral print skirts, now can I?

“I've got some extra leather pants in my bag, and a pair of boots.” I give her skinny, blonde ass a once-over. She's half the size I am, so they might be a little big, but they fit me like a second skin, so I guess it's alright.

Christy smiles at me as I turn away and start towards the entrance. Gaine's already waiting inside, leaning against the wall with his eyes closed. When I step in the door, he opens them and looks at me, doing his best to pull up a smile that I don't return.

“When I said I don't like lies, I meant it.” I keep walking and ignore the sound of him sighing behind me. His footsteps move across the carpet and fall into step with mine, keeping Christy at my heels.

“I didn't mean to lie to you, Mireya. It's just … I don't want you to deal with more than you have to. It's nothin' against you, babe. I know you can take care of your own shit.” I roll my eyes.

“Then why don't you let me prove it?”

Gaine grabs me by the shoulders and spins me to face him. His face is dead serious right now, dark brows crinkled, brown eyes shining. His hair falls into his face as he runs his tongue across his lower lip.

“Because you don't need to. Because I've already seen what you can do. When you're tired or stressed or weary or you need help, it's okay to ask, Mireya. I would. It's not weakness to rely on someone you trust.”

“But I don't trust you,” I tell him, and his face falls. “Why should I, when you have no issue lying to me?” I stare him down hard.

“Mireya, some things are better left in the dark, but if you really want to know … ” Gaine sighs and shakes his head, tightening his fingers ever so slightly on my shoulders. “I'll tell you. After you get your meeting, let's go to the room and we can talk about it.” He releases me and moves away, towards the elevator.

I motion for Christy to follow after and make sure she's settled in with Amy before I move into the adjoining suite and close the door. Everyone's already waiting for me.

I look at them all, study their faces and try to memorize them. This is going to rip me to pieces, but I have to do it. This is the only way. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. When I open them, my resolve is solid. There's no going back.

“I know we have a lot of crap to deal with right now, a lot of changes to get used to, but none of that can be done until I deal with the mess I made. If I hadn't killed Tray, none of this would be happening.” I forge on before anyone can jump in and feed me bullshit about how that's not true, about how all of this would've come to pass some way or another. That's not true at all, and I know it. I don't want to hear anymore lies. If I'd felt deep down and listened to myself, left Tray alive, unconscious on the floor of that room, we'd be sitting here talking about stupid shit like Vice Presidents and Road Captains. As of now, all the focus is on this, on me. “I wanted Tray to suffer, and frankly, I'm glad that he's dead. It's a relief knowing that he's not out in the world anymore, but … ” I trail off and turn away, putting my hands on my hips and moving towards the windows. Outside, in the distance, I can see the blue glimmer of the ocean. It brings a smile to my lips that I quickly wipe away. I can't deal with that right now. At this moment in time, I have one thing on my mind and nothing else is going to happen until I can figure it out. “I wish I didn't have his blood on my hands.” I wait for someone to say something in response to that, but this time, they're all quiet. “I thought I wanted to kill the others, but I just … don't. I don't want to be like them, to sink to their level. I've dealt with enough crap in my life. I just want to move on.” I turn back to face the group, to look at Kimmi's wrinkled brow and pursed lips, Austin's deep frown, and Beck's sad smile. I do my best to avoid Gaine's eyes. “But I can't, not with them chasing us from one end of the country to the other. I don't want a hundred other gangs pulled into the mix, and I sure as shit don't want Triple M to be made an example of. So. I'm going to get rid of them for you.”

“Okay,” Kimmi begins, sounding confused. “So, what, you're going to hunt them down and shoot them? Is that what this is about? I hate to say it, sister, but that was my plan all along. As soon as we can, we take them out, and we don't look back. That's just the way it's going to have to be.” I let her finish, smiling as I listen to her words.