Loving Me, Trusting You(58)

“Forgive me, lover,” I tell her as I bend down and slide my hand behind her legs, scooping her up against my chest. At first, she looks startled, then pissed off, but the tears won't stop falling and she can't maintain the anger. “You didn't kill that girl, and you didn't do anything wrong. This isn't your fault. Walker deserved ten times what you gave him. If I'd gotten my hands on him, things would've been a hell of a lot worse.”

“What the f*ck are you doing?” she asks, pretending she didn't hear me. I know she did. I know my words are getting to her right now. A tiny sliver has opened up in her tired soul, and I've got to get in while I can, work my way inside and show her how I feel. This is it, my last chance to prove it.

“I'm taking you up to the roof.”

“The roof?” I smile and kiss her lips hard, like a pair of newlyweds crossing the threshold on their honeymoon. I let her know everything I feel in that kiss, using my tongue to say things I don't dare speak aloud. When I pull back, I let my smile morph into a grin.

“That's right. Your book inspired me. I can't help myself now.”

“This is f*cking stupid,” Mireya says, but she leans her head against me, years of pain and anger and frustration draining from her in waves, bleeding across the hideous hotel carpet and staining it with her past, a past I hope she can leave behind her after tonight.

You're making the right choice, Gaine, I tell myself as I carry her down the hall, past puzzled faces of fellow Triple M'ers. Mireya doesn't look at any of them, just keeps her forehead pressed against my shoulder and stays limp, letting me hold her up for what has got to be the first time ever. It feels good, like I can finally be helpful to her. From the day I joined Triple M, ran away from a perfectly good life that I'd thoroughly abused, I've been looking for a moment like this. A moment that was so bright, it burned my eyes and scraped my soul. This is it. I've found it.

When I hit the door to the roof, I'm happy to see that it's unlocked. I can't imagine what I woulda done if it had been bolted shut. Probably pushed Mireya up against the door and made the sweetest f*cking love to her that I could. But this is better.

As soon as I step out, the breezy ocean wind teases our hair, tangles it together and kisses our faces with salt. I can hear the waves in the distance, calling out to us, soothing us with the soft cry of the earth. It's f*cking perfect.

I set Mireya on the stone wall that surrounds the edge and hold her tight, knowing that this is dangerous as hell, but that I'd never let her go. With my hands wrapped around her, she could never fall. I won't let it happen. I'd hold her up with the last of me, prop her body up on my soul if I had to. There's no price that's too high to pay for Mireya Sawyer.

“I'm going to shoot their nuts off,” she says, and I pause, hoping this means she's changed her mind. “Once they know I'm not with Triple M anymore, they'll come after me and they won't expect shit. I'll maim them and spit in their wounds, and then I'll leave again. I'll find a place they'll never look and I'll wait them out.” Mireya looks into my eyes and touches the side of my face. “I want to want to kill them, but I don't Gaine. I think I've had enough darkness in my life for now. Anymore, and the flame will go out. I'll be nothing but shadows.” My throat clenches tight and I have to squeeze her tighter to keep my emotions in check. I'm going to use sex to express myself. I'm a guy, that's what I do. I can't cry, not right now. I already promised I wouldn't end up as the fairytale f*cking princess. “When I know you're safe, I'll come back. This isn't forever, Gaine. It's just for awhile.”

I cut her off with another kiss, pressing my fingertips into her flesh, licking her lower lip, nipping at the edge of her jaw. Mireya moans and wraps her arms around my neck, leaning back so that her black hair billows in the wind, gets caught in the cool breeze and tickles my face. She leans back so far that she's nearly horizontal, exposing her chest to me, letting me kiss her breasts through her shirt and then down, past the spot where the fabric bunches up and her belly's exposed.

When I hit her jeans, I keep going, using my hands on her hips to hold her still as I kiss down the seam in her pants, biting and nipping at the wet spot on the fabric until her cries are loud enough that I can hear them above the wind and waves. Pulling back, I smile and tug her closer, reaching between us to unbutton her jeans. When she reaches for mine, I push her wrists back.

“All I need is you, lover, and I'm good. Just relax. You deserve a break.”

I pull her off the wall, so that I can shimmy her pants down and toss them aside where they get caught on the stone and then tumble over.

“Goddamn it, Gaine,” she says, but there's a ghost of a smile on her lips. “You dumb ass idiot. How am I supposed to get back to the room?” I grin and grab her shirt, ripping it off and throwing it purposely over the edge this time.

“Maybe I'll just leave you here until you change your mind about runnin' away.” I grin, but she doesn't find the joke funny. Her face falls again, and I step forward to catch it with a kiss, running my thumbs down her cheeks and pressing her naked body against mine. The heat in my heart moves out and warms my body from head to toe. My cock stiffens and rubs painfully against my pants, begging to be let out, to show this woman how much she means to me with each thrust of my hips.