Love Beyond Words (City Lights, #1)(76)
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Julian watched the night’s shadows thicken until the twinkling panorama of city lights was his apartment’s only illumination. The awful conversation with Natalie scrolled through his thoughts, like a passage from a book that he was unable to rewrite into something that didn’t make his heart ache or his stomach writhe. He sat on the couch, bending knees that creaked from stiffness and stared at nothing.
David’s words filtered into his mind. Danger. There was danger in coming out of his self-imposed isolation. His mother’s warnings about low men and dishonest women joined David’s words. He thought of Natalie. He had revealed himself to her and she had discarded him, taking what she thought was the best part of him. Is that what his mother had meant? Was that the price that she feared he would pay again and again?
“She was right after all,” he muttered darkly, and anger lanced through him…and then faded. To lose Natalie…to never talk to her, or hear her laugh; to never touch her or kiss her or make love to her again…Pain gripped his heart in a vise and seeped into his gut, twisting his insides until he thought he’d be sick.
David’s advice to get drunk sounded better and better. The pain needed dulling. But not with David. He guessed his assistant was still in his office. Or maybe he’d gone home. It didn’t matter. It was astonishing how quickly nothing really mattered.
Julian went to the liquor cabinet off the kitchen and grabbed the first bottle—some expensive French brandy—and swigged it straight. He coughed after it went down, and took another. It wasn’t working; the pain felt bottomless. He took the brandy back to the couch and slumped down.
Something wasn’t right. Natalie wouldn’t end it with no warning. Just like that? He felt as if she’d taken a shotgun and blasted him in the chest. He drank deeply from the bottle, again and then again, until his stomach began to protest.
“The heart wants what it wants.” His words were already starting to slur. I have to see her again. I can’t let it end like this. I can’t…
He stood up and fell back down. He peered blearily at his watch and deciphered that it was near midnight. Too late to return to her place, drunk and desperate. I don’t want to scare her.
“But I already have.”
He flung his arm over his eyes, and lay back on the couch. That was the real reason. She was afraid of him and so there was no going back. How could he? He could promise he’d never hurt her; could tell her he wasn’t capable, that his soul recoiled from the very idea. But it was too late. The seed was there, planted by him even as he’d sought to expose his flaws to her honestly. Any time they argued, it would be there, lurking, and he knew that neither one of them could live like that.
“What happened?” he moaned. “We were happy. So happy…”
The bottle fell out of his hand and the dark liquid poured out, like blood from a deep wound.
Chapter ThirtyFive
Panic raced through Natalie in currents that left her weak and shaking. She called Liberty on her landline, her hands trembling so badly she dropped the phone twice. “Come over and bring Marshall. Please. It’s serious. I need help.”
“Of course, I’ll tell him to pick me up right now,” Liberty said. “But Jesus, you sound terrible. Are you okay?”
“Just…hurry.”
They arrived together and her she burst into tears at the sight of them.
“Oh honey, it can’t be that bad,” Marshall began but Liberty elbowed him quiet. She studied Natalie’s face that was pale and blotchy, her eyes alight with fear.
“No, this is serious. What is it, Nat?”
Natalie sat on the couch and told them about David’s visit. They listened raptly, Marshall next to her and Liberty perched on the ratty chair. Their faces morphed from disbelief to concern to outrage. When she’d told them David pulled out a gun Marshall jumped in his seat and Liberty hiccupped, “Holy shit!”
“I’m sorry to have told you all this,” Natalie said miserably when she was finished. “I’m sorry to get you involved but I’m too scared to be alone.”
Marshall glowered. “Where is David now?”
“He’s sticking close to Julian.” Tears filled Natalie’s eyes again. “He’s there, at Julian’s house. And Julian doesn’t even know. I don’t know what to do.”
“Call the police,” Liberty said automatically. “Right now.”
“No! God, no! David will hear them coming. He’ll…he’ll k-kill Julian. And the blackmailers…If David gets arrested, they’ll come after Julian too. He told me. He told me how it would happen.”
Marshall made a negating motion at Liberty when she started to protest. “Now let’s think this through,” he said. “Who are these so-called blackmailers? How do you even know they’re as big a threat as David says?”
“I-I don’t.”
“So maybe they’re bluffing. Maybe they saw this sniveling little rat and decided to take advantage of him. You say he’s got the hots for Julian?”
“Yes.”
“And he probably blabbed that to the bartender as well. Or maybe the bartender read between the lines. I’ll bet they’re a two-bit operation playing off David’s fear for Julian.”