Love Beyond Words (City Lights, #1)(72)

A thousand thoughts swarmed in Natalie’s mind like bees, stinging, buzzing; a chaos from which she could not possibly organize some coherent rationale with which to break Julian’s heart. Then her frantic gaze alit on the muzzle of the gun trained on her. The cold sliver of fear that slid down her back was oddly calming.

“The heart wants what it wants,” she murmured, “but the mind is afraid…”

“Call.” David wagged the gun at her. “Now.”

Natalie, feeling like a passenger in her own body, watched her fingers find Julian’s name in her phone and press it. She put the phone to her ear. Beside her, David settled himself to listen, his gun steady on her.

“Hey,” Julian answered brightly. “I was beginning to wonder what happened to you. Weren’t you supposed to come over tonight, or is that just my wishful thinking?”

Natalie froze. He sounded so natural. So unaware. As if he were on the other side of some alternate reality, one in which life was normal and free of gun-wielding maniacs, while she was on the other side, in a realm of terror and madness. She wanted to dissipate into a million pieces; disappear into the phone and reappear where Julian was, safe and happy.

“No, you’re right,” she told him, “I was supposed to come over.”

“Natalie, what is it?” The smile had left his voice. “You sound terrible. Please don’t tell me you’re sick now, too.”

Natalie pressed her lips together. David made a ‘let’s go’ motion with the gun. “Actually, I am a little under the weather. I have to cancel tonight.”

“I’ll come over. Can I bring you some soup or—?”

“No,” Natalie said. The concern in Julian’s voice was making it nearly impossible for her to continue. “No, you can’t come over. In fact…” She swallowed hard. “I don’t want you to come over. Not tonight, not tomorrow, not ever again.”

He laughed shortly, incredulous. “What?”

“This not a joke.”

A pause. “Okay.”

She closed her eyes and spoke. The words formed a split second before falling from her lips. “I’ve been doing some thinking lately. Back to the night you told me who you were. I told you that your books were more than just wonderful writing. I told you that they are my refuge.”

“Yes.” Each word dropped in her ear, heavy with dread. “And?”

“And so then you come into my life. You become the love of my real world, and you are Rafael Mendón, the love of my sanctuary. To know that you are the creator of so much of my happiness…it’s too much. I can’t put that much of my life into one man’s hands.”

“Natalie…” His voice trembled. “What are you saying to me?”

David nudged her with the gun to keep talking.

“You can’t be separate from yourself,” she said, her own voice vibrating like a broken guitar string. “I can’t have just Julian. But I can have just Mendón. I can read the books and keep that joy to myself. I’m sorry, but I’m just not strong enough to lose both of you.”

“Natalie.” Julian was breathing heavily now. “What is happening? What the hell is happening? I don’t understand. I don’t…Over the phone? You’re doing this to me over the phone?”

“The heart wants what it wants,” she whispered, and glanced at the gun in David’s hand, “but the mind is afraid.”

“No. No!” Julian raged. “This is bullshit. This is…insanity. I will not be torn out of your life like this. I need to hear this from you. I need to see you say it.”

Panic lanced through Natalie. “What? No, don’t…”

“You can’t do this, Natalie! I will not let you! Not like this!”

“No!”

The call ended and Natalie stared at the phone in her hand, her heart thundering, her mind numb. Maybe David didn’t hear. He’ll leave and Julian will come and I’ll explain. We’ll run. We’ll be safe.

David snatched the phone out of her hand and dropped it into his coat pocket. “He’s coming over, isn’t he?”

She said nothing.

“Isn’t he?” The gun pushed against her temple and she bit back a scream.

“Yes!”

“Okay, okay.” David withdrew. “That’s fine. We can do this. I’m going to stay out of sight—”

“I won’t let him in,” Natalie said. “I won’t—”

“You will. You tell him whatever it takes to end it forever. If I hear one word I don’t like…” He heaved a breath and held up the gun. “Him. You. Me. But him first, so you can see what you made me do. Understand?”

“You goddamn bastard,” she whispered. “Go to hell.”





Chapter ThirtyThree


It took Julian twenty-five minutes to show up at Natalie’s place. She felt every minute tick by with agonizing slowness and yet it seemed like it took no time at all. She spent it crafting more arguments to get him to leave fast. Or else David will kill him. He’ll kill us all.

The buzzer buzzed and Natalie jumped.

“Let him in,” David said, slipping into her bedroom alcove and pulling the curtain. “And remember what I said. I’ll be listening.”