Love At First Hate (Love At Firsts Book 2)(24)
“Good to know. I thought you had more than one thing to ask me?”
“Yeah, you yelled at your father something about being sent to war and losing a limb?”
“Yeah.” He rubs his face.
“I get it if you don’t want to talk about it. I wasn’t sure I caught that right and well, I’m nosey.”
“Don’t I know that.” He chuckles.
“Guilty as charged.” I wink and take a bite of pizza.
“My father sent me to war because it’s in the family, and he caught me watching gay porn at sixteen. He wanted me to grow up in a harsh environment to show me the reality of the world we live in and how a man loving a man is wrong, and that I should focus on serving my country instead of feeding my sick perversion—his words, not mine.”
“Honestly, if you had sent me to military camp and to join the Army, I’d have tried to f*ck as many guys as humanly possible. There’s something about a guy in a uniform…” I sigh dreamily.
“Trust you to make sexual jokes about that kind of thing.” He chuckles.
“Hey, at least I see the positive in it. That’d have been the perfect opportunity for you to try it out with a guy.”
“I was too shy and not sure of how I felt yet. I didn’t want to mess things up even more for me, and I didn’t want anyone to rat me out to my father. It was hard because some of those men were hot, but yeah, I repressed those feelings and just focused on what I had to do.”
“How bad was it out there?” I ask not sure if I want to know.
“I saw most of my squad being killed in front of me due to a bomb explosion. That’s also how I lost my leg.” He looks lost in his thoughts. I didn’t want to bring him back to that time in his life.
“Sorry.”
“For?” He looks offended.
“Bringing back those memories I’m sure you’d rather forget about.”
“It’s okay. I relive them most nights in my sleep.”
“I know.”
“How do you know?” Confusion laces his voice.
“I can hear you scream in the middle of the night most nights.”
“Sorry about that. I can’t control them. Sometimes I wake up, sometimes it lasts all night.”
“It’s okay. I know you can’t control it and don’t do it on purpose.”
“Thanks.” He looks embarrassed.
“No need. I’m here for you if you ever want to talk. Even in the middle of the night, you wake me up most times so might as well come over if you need to chat about it.” I chuckle.
“Thank you, I appreciate it, and same goes for you.”
“Careful, I might abuse that offer and come to you whenever.” I smirk, playfully caressing his thigh.
“Always the tease.”
“You secretly love it.” I wink.
“It’s not like it’s a secret anymore.”
“True. You’ve confessed to that already.”
“Not sure it was a good or a bad idea knowing you.”
“Only time will tell.” I shrug and take another slice of pizza.
Last night went better than I imagined. We finished the pizza, the beers, and the bottle of wine. We moved back to the living room and kept talking about anything and everything, neither of us wanting to be away from each other.
At some point, we both fell asleep on the couch while watching shit TV shows. It seemed to be what Nate needed. We moved forward in whatever it is that we have between us. It’s like a cat and mouse chase. I like it, it’s making things exciting between us, more than they were before. I don’t know if anything will ever happen between Nate and me, but I’ll take whatever that does happen, even if we just stay friends. He’s a nice guy and needs more friends and people he can confide in.
We woke up next to each other on the couch, leaning against each other. It was a surprise to wake up almost cuddling up to each other, but it felt natural. It was just a surprise in the way that I didn’t remember falling asleep here, and from the look on his face neither did he. We didn’t spend much time talking about the fact that we slept next to each other. We had breakfast together before I went back to my place to get ready for work.
Oddly enough, breakfast and spending the first hour of the day in Nate’s company felt good. It’s something I could very easily get used to. I’m not sure if it’s a good or bad thing. He’s still confused and hasn’t explored the dark side yet, and I’m not sure if he ever will. I don’t want to let myself develop feelings for someone who might not reciprocate them and wouldn’t be able to commit to a relationship.
I know I see too much into the little that’s happened between us, but he’s the first guy who’s ever made me feel like I matter and that my opinion matters.
Today has been dragging so much. I don’t know if it’s because I keep thinking about last night and this morning, or because I’m excited about Smash Monkey’s opening party tonight. It means I’m seeing Nate again and I get to party, double pleasure!
It’s still a work function, but nobody said that you couldn’t enjoy yourself, right?
I settle on wearing something similar to what I wore the day I went to interview Tyler, the shop owner. Black jeans, flannel shirt, Converse and my leather jacket. I put on my glasses for the finishing touch and some cologne before heading out the door. I don’t want to be too late.