Love At First Hate (Love At Firsts Book 2)(23)

“Hey, you didn’t seem to mind the flirting this morning at the shop.” I hold my hands up and take a sip of beer. I frown at the bitter taste.

“It’s still new to me.” He shrugs and walks to the fridge, getting a bottle from it and pours a glass. “Probably not up to your standards, but that’s all I have.” He hands me the glass of wine, and I swoon a little that he’d think of giving me a glass of wine.

“Thank you, I appreciate it. How long have you known about your feelings for men?”

“Straight to the point, huh?”

“Yeah, I’m not judging you. Hell, I’ve known most of my life that I was gay. I appreciate a woman’s body, I’m not against hugging or cuddling with them. I just like the intimacy better with a man, and well, I like the dick better.” I chuckle.

“I wish I was as confident as you.” He sighs.

“It takes time and acceptance of it. Have you ever experimented?”

“No, I’ve been repressing the feelings I’ve had for twenty years, and I’ve never had the guts to act on them or even try anything. It’s scaring me.”

“What’s scaring you? That you’re gonna like it?” I take a sip of wine, and it’s not bad.

“Good?” he asks nodding toward the glass.

“Yes, but don’t change the subject.”

He sighs. “I’m not sure. I’ve been taught all my life that a man should love a woman and be only with one all his life because that’s how life is supposed to go.”

“According to your father. Besides, he’s not with your mom, so he’s living in sin too. He’s not God, he’s not the ruler of your life; he’s ruining it. Sorry for being so harsh, but your father is an *, and you need to live your life for yourself and not for fear of what others will think of you.”

“You oddly sound like a little old lady I met,” he scoffs.

“I’m a little old lady inside.” I chuckle. “But I mean it, though, you really should do what makes you happy. If trying to be intimate with a man is what you want to do, then do it. If you want to have an orgy with twenty women and be the only man, then so be it.”

“That’s one way of seeing things. I’ve never tried because I’ve always been too chicken shit to actually approach a man and try even just a kiss.” He shrugs.

“I’m here when you’re ready.” I wink at him, and he blushes.

“Good to know.” He picks up another slice of pizza and takes a bite to busy himself so he can avoid the subject. I usually love to put people on the spot and tease them, but I don’t want to make Nate feel bad about what we’ve just talked about. He’s confused enough as it is.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure. What’s up?” He looks up at me, those beautiful baby blues locking with mine.

“Well, I have a couple of questions.”

“You’re lucky you brought pizza and beer to hold me up then. I hate talking about myself.”

“So bribery works. Good to know.” I smirk, and he picks up the box and his bottle of beer. I pick up my glass and follow him to the patio. It’s still chilly outside, but it’s a beautiful night so we might as well enjoy it.

“Don’t get used to it.”

“I won’t. Did you really propose to Lindsey?” I ask, intrigued.

“No, I found out this morning after you left that I was engaged. Apparently, it was decided last night when I kicked Lindsey out and she went crying to my father. They decided to settle things for me and probably thought I was going to go through with their plans.”

“That’s messed up.”

“You could say that. I know what I did tonight is only going to start a shit storm of trouble for me, but I couldn’t take it anymore. Something in me snapped, and I’m glad it did. I’ve never felt lighter in my life. The consequences might f*ck me up even more, but right now, I don’t care.”

“If you need any help or anything, don’t hesitate to ask.”

“Thanks, I appreciate it, but why would you help me?”

“Because what happened to you is unfair, and even though we’re supposed to hate each other, I’ve never really hated you. I felt bad for you last night with Lindsey. Not in a pitiful way. I just know what it’s like to be stuck with someone you don’t really want to be with or are just not bothered with anymore. That’s how it was with John when I broke up with him.”

“Thanks, I’ve never really hated you either. Just John.” He chuckles.

“Why him?” I ask confused.

“I had just moved in here, and I was getting ready for bed. I looked outside of my bedroom window, and I saw you f*cking him. We looked at each other, and I was jealous of him and well jealous of what you two had. To be free and live your life the way you wanted. I did hate you a little because man, you were f*cking loud.”

“Sorry about that.” I chuckle. I remember that night. Seeing him watching us was a massive turn on, and it just made me f*ck John harder.

“It’s alright. I’m just glad you’re either keeping quiet or not f*cking them here anymore.”

“I want to settle down, not f*ck a different guy every night. I’m way past that stage in my life.” I shrug.