Love At First Hate (Love At Firsts Book 2)(14)

“It’ll happen, baby. We’ll have a beautiful wedding. I want a big one.” She caresses my hand and tries to entwine our fingers, but I pull my hand away.

“Look, I don’t want what you want out of this. I don’t care about what you and my parents are planning behind my back. It. Won’t. Happen,” I say through gritted teeth.

“Why do you have to be so mean?” She fans herself, trying not to cry. Here we go a-f*cking-gain.

“I’m not being mean. I’ve told you countless times since you first mentioned how you want to get married and have kids that I don’t want any of that. I never did, and I never will. It’s not me. If you can’t accept that, then you should find yourself someone else.” I put my fork down and push the plate away. She ruined this good meal.

“You’re just an *!” she yells and slaps me before running up the stairs, no doubt to call my father or stepmom.

I rub my face, trying to keep my calm before I kick her out. I can’t deal with her. I often wonder if the reason why I want to break up with her is just because she’s annoying or because I’m just not into women. Tonight it’s because she’s a f*cking whiney bitch.

I hear a loud crash upstairs and banging against the wall. She’s having one of her childish tantrums. She’s not used to people saying no to her. She comes from a rich family where everybody just says yes to whatever she says or asks for. She’s a spoiled brat, and when she doesn’t get her way, she throws fits. It’s happening more and more lately, and that just makes me want to end things even more. Fuck the consequences with my parents, I need to think about my own happiness, and right now I’m not happy. Thinking about it, I don’t think I’ve ever been truly happy or content in my life.

I’m thirty-five, and I’ve never known happiness or love. I sigh, feeling sorry for myself when someone knocks on the door. At least it’ll bring some distraction from the mess waiting for me upstairs.

I walk to the door and open it, only to see Matt standing there in all his glory. Black hair slicked back, no shirt, and just wearing sweatpants without any boxers on judging by the dick print I can see. I seriously have to stop checking him out.

“What do you want?” I ask sounding more annoyed than usual.

“First of all, nice body, damn. Second, don’t take that attitude with me, I haven’t done shit to you. And thirdly, can you ask bitchzilla upstairs to stop kicking up a storm. I don’t know what the hell she’s doing, but I wouldn’t be surprised if your place was wrecked. Although you could come sleep at mine if that were the case. I have a big bed.” He winks at me.

“Thanks for the offer, I’ll keep it in mind.” I give him a fake smile. If I weren’t so f*cking mad at Lindsey, I would take him up on his offer. At least I’d know how I feel.

“Will you really or are you just trying to get rid of me?” He leans against the wall, looking hot as ever.

“First one.” I look away from him. I can’t believe I just confessed to that.

“Now that’s a twist I never expected to see. Did she turn you gay?” he whispers leaning closer to me.

“Not the time or place to talk about that.” I glare at him.

“Fair enough. Can you ask her to keep it down? I have an important meeting early morning.”

“Another f*ckboy that early in the morning?” I snort.

“Jealous?” He smirks, and I nod. “Good. Maybe your turn will come one day.” He goes to leave and turns toward me. “For the record, I have a meeting with your boss early morning to interview him about the new shop. It’ll go with the spread that’ll be in our magazine. Maybe I’ll see you there.” He winks at me and leaves, making me want to follow him, pin him against the wall and kiss his soft, plump lips.

I close the door and lean back, resting my head against the door. It’s the first time I’m admitting to myself that I’m intrigued by men since I was sent to military camp. I learned quickly to repress any feelings I could have toward men. It’s also the first time that I really feel jealous. The thought of Matt going with another f*ckboy really hit me hard. I don’t know why. Or maybe I’m just lying to myself like I’ve been for most of my life.

I’ve always had a crush on Matt. Since I moved in, I’ve wanted him. Wanted to know how his lips would feel on mine or wrapped around my cock. How our bodies would feel, holding each other while we f*ck the night away. It all went to shit when I first busted him and John f*cking in the garden. I was upstairs in my room, about to go to bed when I saw them. I was mesmerized and disgusted. Not because they were two men together, but because I wanted to be John, and it was f*cking with my head. Matt and I locked eyes that night, and I swore not to allow myself to develop any type of feelings for him.

Tough luck. I’m horny for him and don’t know what to do about it. I could go next door, grab him and kiss him, but there are a few problems about that. One of them being that Lindsey is upstairs, and knowing her, she probably spied on us while we were talking. If she did see us, she’ll go to my father and tell him I kissed a man, and it’ll start a shit storm of drama that I’m not ready to deal with. The second problem is that even though Matt is flirting like crazy with me, I’m not sure how he feels toward me. For all I know, he could hate me and just does it to spite me. It used to work, but now I’m just giving in and ready to see what, if anything could happen. Lastly, I’m not sure how I would feel after kissing him. Would I have a clearer mind or would I be more confused? Would I regret kissing him and make things even more awkward?