In the Stillness(35)

As soon as I close the curtain, the bathroom door opens. “Can I join you?” Eric’s tone is playful, which annoys me. Then I look at the blood trailing down my thigh.

Shit. Shit. Shit. He can’t see this.

“Jesus, Eric, can I have thirty-five seconds without someone in my space?” My tone is a little harsher than I planned but, hey, self-preservation.

“Man,” he scoffs, “sorry.” He slams the door.

I press my forehead into the shower wall, grateful that I just bought myself more time, but feeling slightly bad about snapping at Eric. My mind is racing a thousand miles an hour and there’s only one thing that can put the brakes on; but I threw it in the trash a few minutes ago.

When I dry off from the shower and my skin is no longer bleeding, I change into my pajamas and find Eric watching TV in the living room.

I pour myself a glass of water. “Sorry for snapping at you, today was just really stressful with the screening-”

“I get it,” he cuts in, “no need to explain.”

“Wait, are you mad at me for something?”

Eric slams the footrest down on the recliner and walks out of the room. “Just forget it,” he tones out flatly before shutting our bedroom door.





Chapter 18





“How you hanging in there? Have you thought more about what we talked about the other day?” Tosha asks as we stroll through Northampton while the boys are at preschool.

“About me staying with you and Liz for a while? Yeah, I’ve thought about it. Especially since Eric’s been really weird lately. Something’s going on with him.”

Tosha picks an open bench and we sit, watching people pass by in front of us.

“What do you mean? He passed his orals, right?”

“Yeah,” I sigh, “but something else is . . . I don’t know, maybe he’s upset that I told him I didn’t want to have any more kids. Well, I didn’t tell him that exactly; I just told him how pissed I was that knocking me up was his first post-grad thought.”

Tosha laughs and lights a cigarette. “Well, maybe he feels since he’s finished this huge accomplishment, he should celebrate it by reproducing.”

I light one of my own. “Have you ever thought about it?”

“What, kids?”

“Yeah.”

She shrugs. “Liz and I talk about it sometimes. I mean, it’s not like we can really say ‘if it’s going to happen it’s going to happen.’ It needs to be planned. It’s all very clinical.”

“Would one or both of you carry them, or would you adopt, or what?”

“Well, I’d hate to have to stop smoking . . .” she laughs on an exhale.

“Mature.”

My phone rings.

“Hello?”

“Yes, Mrs. Johnson?”

Whatever.

“Yes? Speaking.”

“This is Maggi, the nurse in Dr. Moore’s office.”

“Oh, right, the Audiologist. What can I do for you?” I briefly panic, wondering if I’ve messed up his appointment time, but it’s not for two weeks.

“We actually had a cancellation for our next appointment in an hour, and were wondering if you’d like to bring Oliver in? I know you said they would be with their grandparents next wee—”

“Yes,” I jump and motion for Tosha to follow me, “we’ll be there. Thank you so much for calling.”

I hang up and breathe a sigh of relief.

“What’s going on?” Tosha catches up with me.

“The Audiologist can get Ollie in like right now, so we don’t have to wait two more weeks. Finally, something’s going right.”

I quickly call Eric’s mom and arrange for her to pick up Max at preschool and watch him until we’re finished with the appointment. Next, I call Eric.

“Hello?”

“Hey, the Audiologist can get Ollie in an hour, can you meet us there? Your mom’s going to take care of Max.”

“Uh . . .”

“Yes or no, Eric? Can you be there or not?” I’m not sure what he’s even doing at the lab, since his orals are done and he doesn’t officially start his job until after graduation.

“Yes, I’ll be there as soon as I can. Ascent, right?”

I sigh in frustration. We’ve been over this. “Yeah, near where Carmelina’s used to be, on the far end of Russel St., almost in Northampton.”

“K, bye.”

*

Late that night, after I’d left Bill’s house when Ryker lost his shit about . . . everything, he showed up at my dorm room.

“Natalie, it’s Ryker, please let me in.” He sounded pitiful on the other side of the thick wooden door.

Tosha stood and whispered, “What do we do?”

I’d filled her in on the evening’s events. She pointed out that he probably wouldn’t remember, given his recent history.

“I’ll let him in. Just . . . stay here, okay?” I’d learned to read Ryker’s tone really well over the past several weeks and he didn’t sound distressed or angry.

I took one look at my wrist, which was already bruised in the shape of his thumb, took a deep breath, and opened the door.