In the Stillness(29)

God, I wanted it too. “Are you sure? What about your dad?” I whispered breathlessly.

Ryker chuckled. “Why do you think he left? He’s a man, not a saint.”

And with that, I let my soldier lead me up to his childhood bedroom, where I’d only been once before. I lay back on his bed, but I noticed that he was still heavily favoring his left arm.

“Here, lay down,” I said, shifting from underneath him.

“No . . . it’s fine.” His brow furrowed in apparent frustration.

“Let me take care of you.” I smirked as he conceded.

I ran my fingers across his name, stitched in his uniform, before slowly unbuttoning and helping him out of his clothes. He shifted anxiously beneath me as I kissed from his neck to his hips.

“You’re killing me,” he chuckled, biting his lip.

Smiling, I quickly undressed as he sat up on his elbows, praising me with his eyes.

“You’re so goddamn hot, Natalie. Get over here.” He playfully grabbed at my legs.

I properly welcomed my soldier home. My hair created a curtain between us and the rest of the world when I leaned forward and kissed him with everything I had.

I wish I could have left that curtain there, because when I pulled it away and we were curled up in his bed, Ryker asked me to go to Lucas’s grave with him.

*

By the time the boys wake up from their nap, Aunt Tosha has time to play with them for a few minutes before leaving. Since she only sees them a few times a month, she has loads of energy and creativity for them. Her nose ring makes them laugh, and she tickles them into a frenzy. She’s fun, and it reminds me to have fun with them, too.

“Seriously, Natalie, just register for some classes for the fall. Eric said you can, so just do it.” She blows raspberries on Max’s bare belly in between her words.

I try to answer while stopping Oliver from climbing all over the couch. “Ollie . . . Ollie . . . Ollie! Seriously,” I turn to Tosha, “the only class I’m taking lately is ‘Selective Listening one-oh-one by this guy.” I giggle as I tickle Ollie. “I thought identical twins would be more identical in their behavior. Oliver was sent to me to specifically test my patience, I just know it.”

Tosha sighs. “All right, Natty-bug-”

“You’re an ass.” I don’t bother spelling it out in front of little ears as I smack her arm.

She laughs and pats my shoulder. “I gotta go.”

On her way out the door she whispers to me, “You know you can always stay with me and Liz whenever you need to.”

I hug her. “Thank you.”

She runs into Eric on her way down the stairs. She greets him pleasantly and tells him congrats on the job.

Eric bounds up the stairs with a smile on his face, which fades for a split second when he meets my eyes, but returns full-wattage as the boys tackle him in the entryway. I turn for the kitchen and start slicing strawberries for afternoon snack. Eric stands next to me, handing me two bowls for the strawberries. He does things like this; we have a huge fight and just a few hours later he’ll saunter in like nothing happened.

Not this time.

“Tosh said you called her.” I continue slicing, but notice his jaw flicker out of the corner of my eye.

“Damn,” he whispers.

“Well, what the f*ck, Eric? Do you think her loyalty is to you? Why would you call her?” Walking over to the table, I call to the boys, “Max, Ollie, come sit for snack.” Max bounds to the table while Ollie stares at the TV. “Oliver, now.” I use the sternest inside-voice I can muster. He jumps, startled, and races full-smile to the table.

“I’m freaked out, Natalie, that’s all.” Eric grabs my hand and kisses my knuckles. “I love you and I’m scared about what you’re doing to yourself.”

Did he inhale too many vapors at the lab today? This morning he was threatening me, and this afternoon he’s concerned? I stare at him, trying to study his motives through his eyes.

I’ve got nothing.





Chapter 15





“Mommy, sing that Winnie-the-Pooh song again,” Ollie asks as he snuggles into bed.

“No again, guys,” I sigh, “it’s been a busy day and you need sleep. We’ve got kindergarten registration in the morning.”

Thank. You. God.

“We get to go to kindergarten when we turn five!” Max cheers.

“Well, soon after you turn five. But yes, my big boys get to go to kindergarten very soon.”

Seriously, who’s more excited here?

“Love you, Mommy.” I really do like that they say it in unison. It’s cute.

“Night, you two, I’ll send Daddy in.” I walk out of their room and meet Eric as he comes down the hall. “They want to say night to you.” I cock my head toward their bedroom door and head into our bedroom.

Dinner was quiet tonight. I tried to avoid eye contact with Eric—still livid that he called Tosh about my cutting—but every time I looked at him, he was staring back with nothing but sweetness in his eyes. Maybe I’m crazier than I thought, or maybe he feels a weight off his chest since he tattled on me to my best friend, but that man cannot hold a grudge to save his life.

I’m just climbing into bed when Eric comes in from saying goodnight to Max and Ollie, the proud smile on his face he always has after spending time with them. I wonder what people see on my face when I’m out with my kids. It’s definitely not the carefree grin Eric carries. He undresses as I silently watch. I can’t help but love the way his Greek skin is tanned year-round and provides perfect shadows across his tight stomach. Guilt overcomes me as he slides into bed next to me. Maybe he really was concerned when he called Tosha today, and not just trying to rat me out. Either way, the awkward silence is suffocating.