In Spite of the Bosset Life(37)
Chapter 17
“How’s my niece? Did she get the teddy bear and card we sent?”
“Yeah, thanks. Dat girl scared da shit out of me.” Nola and I was walking down by the Arch. We sat on the steps, just looking at the water.
“I bet. She scared everyone... but how are you? You seem like you stressed out.”
“I’m not doing good at all sis... I told Ace I wanted a divorce da other day.”
“Oh my God... Mook Mook, whyyy?”
“Well, at da time, I was stressed. I guess in a way I was lusting behind Rodney. Ace wasn’t showing me that much attention. I started getting depressed. I started thinking about all the shit Ace could’ve been doing in those three years that he was gone. I started thinking the worst and at that point, I started resenting him. I thought about him cheating on me and started to believe it. That was so dumb of me.” I wiped my tears and got myself together. “Me and Ace argue every five minutes and that pushed me to say I wanted a divorce. We neva argued like dis before. What hurt me is how chill he is about the divorce, like its nothing to him. I decided to do some snooping. I felt Ace was up to something and yeah, he was.” I put my head down. I felt like my marriage was over. I was sick to my stomach and had a bad headache.
“Koì, baybee...”
“I know, I shouldn’t have. I guess I had an insecure moment.”
“Damn right girl. Looking through yo nigga phone indicates y’all already over. You shouldn’t have went through that man’s phone.”
“I feel bad now. I broke his phone, iPad, and his Mac book,” I said, leaning against my arm in deep thought.
“Ace hasn’t been cheating, has he?”
“No,” I said crying. “My husband been planning a trip to Dubai for our dating anniversary. He also been constructing a new Furniture store strictly for children’s furniture. It’s called Koì’s Majesty Furniture... I feel so stupid. Now, Ace has his lawyer sending over papers so we can get a plea for a divorce. Not to add, Ace found the Plan B pill I took. He wants another baby so bad. I was so stressed, I killed it and he don’t even know about that one. He just thinks I killed one baby. I feel so f*cking bad about this shit. I swear, I’m so tired of everything. I shouldn’t had done that. Ace want another baby so bad. Since we don’t use protection, I had been buying the pills and keeping it a secret.” I was crying and Nola was holding me. She didn’t say anything. I felt bad. I kept thinking about the two babies I killed. I miscarried on one and killed one with that stupid pill.
“Koì, it’s gon be okay.” Nola wiped my tears and she rubbed my back.
“No, it’s not. I told him I wanted a divorce. He’s never going to forgive me. Plus, I miscarried and then turned around and killed his baby on purpose. Ace don’t want nothing to do with me. I feel horrible. I need him to forgive me.” I broke down. “I even found a whole album of pictures in his phone with pictures of me. Off guards and random pictures of me sleep. Ace wasn’t cheating. I was all wrong. I’m a mess Nola,” I said, crying on her shoulder.
“Mook, go home. That’s what you need to do. I know firsthand. Ace don’t want you to just leave him. You can never replace Ace. Y’all been through the worst. Now it’s time to get through the pain and all the problems. Mook Mook, go home. Ace will be waiting on you. I promise.” I said my goodbyes and left. I didn’t go straight home. I had to make a stop. Once I did get home, I was a wreck. My life had been so painful and I was tired of it. I just wanted to be happy and live.
Knock! Knock!
“Come in.” Ace was sitting at his desk. My heart was beating fast. He looked to be stressed and the weed on the desk confirmed it. He looked at me as he broke down the weed. I knew I had been selfish for killing our seeds. At the end of the day, we were married and I didn’t have the authority to make a decision like that.
“Here you go Ace... I’m sorry,” I said sincerely. I put the bag on the desk from the Apple Store. I made a stop at the Galleria to buy him another phone, laptop, iPad, and some extra stuff.
“You think you gon buy me?” All the shit I JUST bought was smacked against the wall. I jumped out of fear.
“No boo.” He gave me this look and I swear I wanted to cry. He looked like he was done and tired. “Ace babyyy, I’m sorry!”
“You sorry about what? Saying you wanted a divorce? Breaking my shit? Killing my baby that I desperately wanted? Saying you loved me but you telling me you not happy? I loved you so much, I risked my life to please you. You begged me to stop transporting. I did and shit backfired. I can’t help that. What I could do was come home to you and try to be a part of your life again. When I first came home, you was so happy...what happened? You don’t love me after all I did for you? I’m not saying you owe me or no shit but come on Mook mane...that shit hurt! I love you more than I love myself but you’ll never understand it or see it because you don’t love me. You don’t understand you’re the best part of everything about me. Coming home to you is what kept me alive and for you to say you don’t want me hurts. How you gon say you want to divorce me? I know I had a little habit of messing up but I always tried to do right by you. I never cheated on you. NEVER! I’m a man but you know me. My career was my excuse for so long. But that’s over and you still not happy. That material shit don’t mean shit. I don’t care about that. You are what I care about.” I was crying and rubbing my hands together. Ace stood up and went to the window. He didn’t want to watch me cry. I couldn’t divorce Ace. I was in love. No matter the lust I had for Rodney, Ace would always have my heart. He was the man who took all fear out of me so I could love him unconditionally. I would never live and be afraid anymore. Ace did that for me. I was born to live and die with Ace. Ace helped mold me to love only him. Him patiently working on taking fear from my heart made me embed all of him in my heart. Now, I was lost on words to say.