I Love You to Death(47)

"Good," Seth said, kissing the top of my head. "But if he ever hurts you, then I’ll kick his ass!"
I laughed, knowing that would never happen and just like that, it was over. Dad, Seth and Lara all thought Sam was great, and Sam really liked all of them too. Everybody got on and I didn’t know what the hell I was ever worried about. Whatever it was, it had been for nothing.
At least then anyway.
∞

When I wake up this morning, the first thing I hear is voices, coming from my kitchen. I lie here for a second, but before I feel afraid, laughter comes and I instantly recognise it. Smiling, I pull myself out of bed and walk in to the kitchen. I stand silently in the doorway and watch them. They haven’t noticed me yet, but there they are; Dad and Luke, sitting at the kitchen table having coffee and laughing together like they’re old friends. I watch them for a minute, the smile still on my face. I knew they’d get on, of course, they are so alike in so many ways. I wonder where Seth is. It’s a pity he can’t be here too, because I know he would also like Luke. They turn to me and they both smile. I’m about to walk in and give my Dad a hug when he says to me hey kiddo, you’re awake, about time sleepy head.
And it’s with those words that I suddenly know.
This isn’t really happening, this isn’t real. I’m dreaming and as much as I want to stay in this dream, I can’t, already I’m being pulled awake, pulled from this picture. I don’t understand how the nightmares can hold me so tightly but this dream can so easily let me go. All I want to do is stay, but I can’t.
My eyes open.
The sun is streaming through my window and it’s the start of a beautiful day. Luke’s voice still echoes softly through my room, but I’m not dreaming anymore. Today is Sunday, but it’s more than that and I think I know why I had that dream now.
I get up, take a shower, get dressed and walk outside. I buy two coffees and I keep walking. I know exactly where I’m going. Without thinking about it, I just keep walking. I’m very nervous when I knock on the door, but the look on his face when he opens it, changes that.
"Hey!" he says to me smiling. He’s standing there in sweat pants, an old t-shirt and bare feet and all I can do is stare at him. It’s like I’m seeing him for the very first time and the only thing I can think is; he looks delicious, edible.
How come I never noticed this before?
I take a deep breath. "Hey, coffee?" I ask, holding the cup out to him.
"Thanks, you wanna come in?" Luke holds the door open as though me showing up unannounced like this is all perfectly normal. I also realise that he looks like maybe he just got out of bed. I try to block the sudden picture that creates in my brain.
"Ah, well, I’m actually here to see if I can buy you breakfast?" I’m nervous again now. "I feel like I owe you a meal or probably several really."
"What?" he asks, half laughing.
I run my hand through my hair, pulling it over my shoulder. How to explain this to him?
"Luke, I feel like I’ve been kind of a basket case ever since I met you, you know…..your house warming, work, my birthday. Plus you take me to see your friend’s band, the cupcakes, the movies, the food. I figure breakfast is the least I can do." I’m counting all these things off on my fingers as I say them, as though this will somehow all make sense to him.
He’s definitely laughing now as he reaches out and pulls me inside his apartment. "No need Ash, I promise it’s all good." My arm tingles from where his fingers touch me.
I follow him into the living room. The door to his bedroom is open and I can’t help glancing in. The first thing I see is his unmade bed, a book lying facedown on the duvet. It definitely looks as though he’s just gotten out of bed. I briefly close my eyes as the tingle that was just in my arm, now runs all the way through me.
"Well, how about I would feel better if I took you out for breakfast," I try, turning back to face him.
Luke takes a sip of the coffee I’ve brought him and looks right at me. He runs his hand absently over his shaved head, his t-shirt rising at the waist to reveal a hip bone and bare skin that is just asking to be touched. God, he’s making this harder.
"Well, if you insist," he says smiling. "Then how can I possibly say no?"
"Well only if you don’t have other plans," I say quickly. "If you do, then of course another day is fine." I’m being a total idiot.
"No plans Ash," he replies, still smiling at me. "Just give me a sec to have a shower though?"
Oh god, that’s the last thing I need to be picturing in my head, I think, swallowing the groan before it gives me away. I try smiling back at him, "Sure."
I wait in the living room while he goes into his bedroom. He half shuts the door on the way in, but it doesn’t quite close. I should move so I can’t see in there, but of course I don’t.
Thankfully he shuts the door to his bathroom. I hear the water come on and I can hear him singing while he takes a shower. Of course, what I really need to do is stop trying to picture him under the water in there. I half think about leaving, but of course I don’t. I continue to sit there on his couch and try to block the image of Luke, naked, from my brain. When he comes out, steam escapes from the room first, followed by Luke and he’s already fully dressed.
I’m both relieved and disappointed.
I’m not sure what I would’ve done had he walked out in just a towel. My stomach is already in knots just thinking about it.