I Love You to Death(15)

"Yeah I’m okay Luke, thanks," I reply, trying to smile at him.
"You want me to introduce you to my flatmate?" he asks.
I take a sip of my beer. "Um, maybe later."
Luke smiles at me. "Sure," he says, leaning against the counter sipping his beer and still watching me.
I have to change this. I move and lean against the counter beside him, probably not the best idea, but I just have to change it. There’s about a foot of space between us, but it feels much smaller.
Luke looks down at me. "Not really into big parties then?"
Is it that obvious? "Mmmm, not really into situations where I don’t know anyone," I say surprising myself.
He half laughs. "Yeah I know what you mean. The party was Jared’s idea really, not mine."
I look sideways at Luke. He’s staring out of the kitchen into the living room now, like he’s trying to work out what all of these people are doing in his house. I wonder if he truly doesn’t want them here, if he’s just being accommodating to them and his flatmate.
We don’t say anything more, both of us just watching the people as they talk, laugh and interact with each other. I try to imagine if he feels like he’s watching it all from the outside, like I do. I wonder if he also feels like an observer in his own life. But I can’t possibly ask him, so instead I finish my beer which catches up with the ones I’ve already had at home.
"Bathroom?" I ask.
He turns back to me, a small smile on his face now. "I’ll show you where it is. Thanks for coming by the way."
I actually smile back at him. Somehow he makes this easier.
I’m in the bathroom when it happens.
"Ash, how you doing? Man, you look really good tonight."
Liam, shit.
"I’m fine thanks," I answer without looking, concentrating instead on just washing my hands.
"So ah Ash, do you wanna maybe go out sometime?" he asks in a voice full of confidence, but nothing sincere.
I stop washing my hands but refuse to turn around. I don’t want to look at him, especially now. I’ve never liked him even if he was harmless, but right now this feels very different. He’s never done anything like this before. Yes, he made some stupid comments to rile me up when he knew Sam wasn’t around, but nothing like this. I don’t understand why he thinks he can do this. He knows what happened to Sam, so why is he doing this to me now. Was he always just waiting?
"No Liam," I finally say. "I don’t think that would be a good idea."
He says nothing more, but suddenly I know he’s standing right behind me. I can feel his breath on the back of my neck. It is hot and makes me feel sick. I don’t want him this close to me. I look up and see his reflection in the mirror, staring at me.
"Ash," he says, a smile on his face. "Come on, it’ll be fun, I promise."
I turn now and face him. "No Liam, I really don’t think so."
I watch as his eyes widen. I watch as the confidence falls from his face. I watch as anger replaces it, and I suddenly realise just how close he is when he spits out, "Why Ash, I’m not good enough, not good enough for you. Not like Sam?"
I flinch at the words. I’m boxed in, trapped against the sink and my heart is racing now. Liam doesn’t seem to notice as he continues.
"Look I know what happened with Sam okay, I just thought maybe you might be over it all, you know, ready to think about someone else."
"Fuck you Liam," I suddenly scream at him. "Fuck you."
I put my hands on his chest to push him away but he grabs my wrists. His grip tightens as he stares at me and all I can smell is the alcohol on his breath.
"What?" he says, his voice harder now. "What is your problem Ash, what makes you think I’m not good enough? You aren’t that perfect you know, not with all the shit you carry around."
I’m shaking now. Shaking at the words he’s throwing at me, shaking at the closeness of him, shaking at the anger that’s radiating off of him. I feel sick, scared and desperate to get away from him. He was always a dick at work, but never this bad, never this aggressive. I try to push him away again but his fingers tighten. My skin is burning and I twist my arms to try and free them from his grip. He doesn’t let go.
"Ash," says a voice I instantly recognise. "Are you okay?"
I say nothing, my eyes closing now as frustrated tears threaten to fall from them. I have to block Liam out, block out the look that’s on his face, try to pretend he isn’t this close to me. I can only whisper now as I say, "Let me go Liam, just f*ck off and let me go."
He doesn’t move and all I can smell is the stench of alcohol and his warm breath which is blowing in my face. I’m really going to be sick in a minute. Still he doesn’t move.
"Get the f*ck out of here you *," says a different voice. It’s spoken so angrily, but I still don’t open my eyes. I feel Liam let go of my wrists and finally move away from me and although I’m barely standing, I can’t do anything except open my eyes, turn and walk quickly away. I don’t look back, I walk out of the bathroom and somewhere, anywhere else, opening the nearest door I can find. I hear someone call out my name but I ignore it and close myself in the room. It’s someone’s bedroom, a small lamp on a table illuminating a large room with double bed and an open closet, a smaller bathroom through another open door. Walls covered in band posters. Piles of books stacked everywhere all over the floor.
I’m still shaking as I listen to the shouts from outside. I don’t know what’s going on out there, but several voices are shouting and then a door slams. A few minutes later I hear the door to the room I’m in open. I don’t turn around.