I Love You to Death(10)

I looked at him and smiled, before some newfound courage finally allowed me to answer.
"Me too."
I had lunch with him nearly every day after that and every day it became easier to believe it was real.
∞

Today when I come into work, the first thing I notice is the new fish. Now in addition to the gold fish, there is a black one swimming around in the tank with it. I’m standing here staring at the two of them when Luke comes out from the kitchen.
"Oh hey Ash, how are you?"
I can hear the concern in his voice today, so different to every other day when he first speaks to me. I turn to look at him. "You bought another fish?" God I must sound like a total idiot.
He shrugs as if it’s no big deal, even though I can see from his face he knows that it is. "Yeah I figured he’d be lonely in there without the company, so you know, I got him a friend."
God, if only he knew.
Luke’s watching me like he’s trying to work out if what he’s done is a good thing. I turn away to look at my new fish, swimming around with the old one. A new friend, someone to hang out with. This is definitely not a sign.
I turn back to look at Luke. "Thanks," I say. "Can I make you a coffee?"
Luke keeps watching me. Neither of us says anything for a minute before he finally asks, "Are you okay Ash?"
I swallow. I can’t let him in. I just can’t. It’s too dangerous. I try smiling. "Yeah, I’m fine. Thanks for the fish, he’s cute. Coffee?"
I watch as he keeps looking at me. I can tell he isn’t buying it, but he says nothing except, "Yeah, that’d be great, thanks Asha," before heading back to the kitchen.
We don’t talk much for the rest of the morning, but after the lunchtime crowd has gone, Luke appears out the front again, this time with a plate in his hands.
"Here Ash, I made some lunch for you," he says, setting it down on the counter.
I’m wiping down the coffee machine, but stop and look over at him. This is a new development.
"Come and try it," he says, smiling at me as he nods his head towards the plate.
I wipe my hands on a cloth and walk over to stand in front of him. "Can I get you something to drink?" I ask as I glance down at the sandwich he’s made me. It’s huge and I’ll be lucky if I can eat even half of it. It looks really good though and my stomach makes a rumbling noise in response, one that’s loud enough for both of us to hear.
"Nah, I’m good thanks," Luke replies smiling as he stands there watching me.
I pick up one half and gesture to the other. "Help me out," I say to him.
Luke smiles at me again before leaning over to pick up the other half of the sandwich. We stand in silence, facing each other on opposite sides of the counter, sharing this sandwich Luke has made me. Between us is the fish tank and I can’t help but stare at it, sitting right here in front of us. I watch the two fish swim aimlessly around in circles, the old goldfish and the new black one, and I risk another quick glance up at Luke. He’s standing there watching me still, with a half smile on his face as he eats.
"What do you think?" he asks me, gesturing to the food in my hand.
I nod, finishing my mouthful. "Yeah it’s really good. Thanks for making it for me."
Luke’s smile gets a little bigger as he says, "No problem, I’m glad you like it. I thought I’d try something new and wanted to see what you thought." He’s watching me intently now and I get the feeling he’s going to say something else, but he doesn’t, just takes another bite.
I blink.
Suddenly, I’m not sure that the sandwich is the only thing we’re talking about here, but I can’t let myself read too much into it, it’s definitely not a sign.
∞

For two weeks we had lunch every day. Every day Adam would come to the library and get me, and we’d sit out on the lawn under a tree and have lunch together. At first I didn’t talk much, I was too nervous now we were out in the open and could never think of anything to say, but Adam just filled the silence. He talked and talked, telling me about his classes, playing basketball, anything. I loved listening to him, the sound of his voice, the ease with which he spoke, all of it. Gradually he took away my nervousness, gradually I started talking too, first only asking him questions, but eventually telling him things about me. For two weeks we did this, and then everything changed, again.
He kissed me and suddenly it all became very real. And he did it in the hall, at my locker in front of everyone, like he didn’t care who saw it. He just stepped in, his hand gently brushing my cheek as he pressed his lips to mine. I was so surprised I don’t think I did anything at first. I remember he pulled back a little and smiled at me. I remember he whispered, "I’ve been dying to do that for ages," before leaning in and gently kissing me again. I kissed him back this time but it wasn’t until much later that I thought about the words he’d just whispered to me.
The day after that kiss, Adam took me out on a date, even met my Dad. I was nervous as hell, but Adam was very cool about it all, shook my Dad’s hand, promised to have me home by midnight and didn’t touch me until we were in his Mom’s car. I nearly jumped out of my skin when he rested his hand on my leg as we drove off. He took me to a burger bar and then a movie. By the time we’d reached the movie theatre we were holding hands and I was finally starting to relax.
Before the movie was over we were making out and I was feeling positively magic. It was like everything just went away and I became someone else when I was with him. I don’t know how he did it but the shyness disappeared, my nervousness about what would happen, somehow Adam took all of that away. Everything disappeared and it became just me and him, just us.