Help Me Remember (Rose Canyon, #1)(42)

Me: I don’t think either of these two are particularly attractive.





Brielle: Two? Wow.





Me: Nor are they my type.





“Are you going to play or text whatever girl you’re banging now?” Holden asks.

“I’m not banging anyone.”

Emmett laughs. “Yeah right. You’re never without a woman in the wings.”

Sure, I did everything I could to cultivate that misconception of my personal life. I was always seen with some girl and I never brought the same one around twice. Mostly because I wanted easy and the idea of being in a relationship was exhausting.

Being in superficial relationships was much more satisfying. The girl didn’t think we’d be more, and I never gave a shit about what she did.

“Well, I am now.”

Holden rubs his chin. “You know, it’s been a while since I’ve seen you with anyone.”

Emmett scrunches his face. “He’s right. I haven’t seen you with anyone since you got back to town.”

Not since I saw Brielle after my piece on the war was published.

“I grew up,” I say, hoping they’ll drop it.

Emmett, who did his own stint in the service and saw just as much as I did, replies, “I think it’s something else.”

“I’m sure you can understand it, Em.”

He nods, and a moment of kinship passes between us.

My team lived through more than eighteen months of absolute hell in the same country that his was. I was granted permission to follow an elite military team with the understanding I was not allowed to report on what they did, only what they uncovered. But still, we experienced a lot of the same things that Emmett did.

The entire reason I requested that assignment was because of Emmett. He had just made it through his special forces training. There was this deep-seated fear, one that kept me up at night, that he wouldn’t make it back.

If I could be there.

If I could be close, then maybe I could help.

It was insane, and Isaac was the only person who knew an inkling of the truth.

Instead of him trying to talk me out of it, he encouraged me to go. Emmett is our brother, and there is nothing I wouldn’t do to protect someone I love. So, I went through a year of their training, because there would be no lifesaving efforts made for me, and went off to war.

The things I’ve seen. The sounds and smells are things that will never leave me.

That article earned me a Pulitzer, and since then, I haven’t written a single word.

What the hell could I write? Nothing will ever measure up.

I walk back to the table, and Emmett takes the dealer’s seat. “You know Holden kicks our ass every hand.”

Holden smirks. “It’s because you two don’t respect my superior intellect.”

“You may be smart, but you’re a fucking dumbass,” Emmett says, dealing the cards.

“And that makes zero sense.”

Emmett looks to me. “You know what I mean?”

“Yes, and I agree. He’s the smartest dumbass I know.”

We all laugh and play a few hands. Holden and I both battle it out, and he wins two of the five hands. The one thing Holden can’t do is lose graciously.

“Two more hands,” he demands.

Emmett leans back, a shit-eating grin on his face. “Don’t do it, Spence. Let him lose.”

As I’m about to tell him to kiss my ass, my phone lights up, and I see I have about twenty alerts from Brielle’s laptop.



Spencer Cross.

Spencer Cross model.

Spencer Cross dating history.

Who is Spencer Cross dating now?

Spencer Cross Pulitzer article.

Last known girlfriend of Spencer Cross.



The list goes on and on as she attempts to dig into my history, and I can’t stop the pang of excitement that she’s searching me. It means she’s thinking of me. It means she can’t sleep, and whatever I said is heavy on her heart. While I don’t know what she’ll find, it doesn’t matter because it means that she cares. She also wants to know if I’m dating someone.

“Spencer? You ready to have me take all your winnings?”

A little bit smug thanks to the alerts, I turn to Holden. “Let’s play. I could use a little extra spending cash.”





“Good morning,” I say, holding a cup of coffee in front of Brielle.

“You look happy.”

“I’m always happy when I have a good night.”

Her smile falters a little, but she recovers. “Glad you and your two dates enjoyed yourselves.”

I laugh. “My dates were Emmett and Holden, and I very much had a good time taking all their money.”

Brielle’s lashes flutter, and she sucks in a breath. “Why didn’t you say that? I . . . I am stupid. I’m sorry.”

“Would it have bothered you if it was two girls?” I ask, goading her a bit.

“Of course not. It’s none of my business who you date or whatever it is you do.”

She speaks quickly, which is a clear sign she’s very much bothered by it. Good. I want it to bug her. I want the idea of me and another woman to make her rage because she’s the only woman I want.