Help Me Remember (Rose Canyon, #1)(39)

“You as well. I’ve known Dr. James for a very long time, and he told me a lot about your case.”

“I’ve known Holden since I was eight,” I say with a smile. “I’m hoping you can help me.”

Dr. Girardo extends his hand, indicating I should sit. “Well, I can certainly try. There is a lot we don’t know about the brain, which makes head injuries especially frustrating.”

“Tell me about it.”

He laughs and crosses one leg over his knee. “I could bore you for hours, but that’s not what we need to focus on. I know you’ve been through recounting this several times, but why don’t you walk me through the last thing you remember.”

I really hate this. But Holden was emphatic that if there was anyone who could help, it would be him. So, here it goes.

After what feels like hours of talking, I release a heavy breath and sit back.

Dr. Girardo continues to write notes and then places his notepad down. “I want to be honest with you, Brielle, you went a little further than what I know was your last stopping point.”

I perk up at that. “Really?”

“According to your records, your last memory was of moving back to Rose Canyon roughly six months after graduation. In our discussion, you recalled the interview for the job at the youth center that Jenna owns and you also mentioned having lunch with your brother after.”

My jaw falls slack. “I did?” I start to sift through what I said, I was so lost in the memories I didn’t notice where I stopped.

But there it is.

I went on the interview at the youth center in town. I remember Jenna being there with a woman named Rachelle. She was wearing a bright orange shirt with gray pants. She was warm and kind, reminding me of a sunny day, which was why I thought her top was so appropriate. She exuded light. Jenna had told me that she was an amazing supervisor and we would hit it off.

“I remembered that interview,” I say more to myself.

“You did.”

“And I met Isaac at the school after,” I tell him again, as though he didn’t already know this.

Dr. Girardo grins. “Did you recall this event before today?”

I shake my head. “The only other thing I’ve remembered is that my brother got a car he wouldn’t let me drive. It would have happened right around the same time,” I muse.

“Why is that?”

I glance up at him, a smile slowly forming on my lips. “We took that car to lunch. He said he wanted to drive it one more time before it was gone.”

“Tell me about that memory.”

I launch into the beach trip and how Spencer helped me relax enough to let my mind drift. “It just stopped, though. Like water slipping through my fingers, once the last drop fell, so did the memory.”

He rubs his chin. “What were you feeling during that memory?”

“I don’t know.”

“Take a second to think about it. Try to go back to that beach with Spencer. Think about the heat of the sun and the sound of the waves. What were you feeling in the moment and not in the memory?”

I push the memory part out and do as he says, remembering the other things around me. “I was warm. I remember feeling this heat, not just from the sun, but from everything around me.”

“What about smells?”

“The salty air, for sure, and Spencer.”

“What does he smell like?” Dr. Girardo asks.

I smile. “Like sunshine and fresh air with a hint of leather. He smells like safety.”

“What does safety feel like?”

“Hope and happiness.”

“So, when you’re with Spencer, you feel safe and hopeful?”

I look at him quickly. “No. I mean, yes, but not like that.”

“Okay, I understand. He’s more like a trusted friend who you can count on to listen and never judge. Does that sound accurate?”

“Everything we say here is in confidence, right?” I ask, not wanting to be worried that Holden will know of my ridiculous crush.

Dr. Girardo shifts forward. “By law, I can’t disclose what we talk about unless you give me permission to consult with Dr. James.”

The groan falls from my lips.

“No, I know that you and Holden are working for the same goal, but if you could maybe leave this part out of your official notes, that would be great.”

“You have feelings for Spencer,” he guesses.

“Since I was thirteen.”

“Are they reciprocated?”

“God no!” I explode. “He doesn’t even know. Well, I’m sure he knows. I think everyone knows, but they all let me have the illusion of my secret.”

He smiles. “But even though your feelings are deeper than friendship, you feel comfortable enough to ask for his help and trust him to dig into your past?”

“There is no one else I trust more.”

“Okay, so let’s go back to the beach for a moment. You said you were lying down, feeling the warmth of the sun and heat from Spencer. You smelled the salt air and him. Talk me through what happened right before you were jolted from the memory.”

I close my eyes and put myself there again. I can hear the waves crashing on the shore and the sound of two birds overhead. I was there, laughing as Addison informed Isaac that the car was not staying, and then, it was as if the heat was ripped away.