Help Me Remember (Rose Canyon, #1)(45)

I don’t get the rest of the sentence out before his lips are on mine. His fingers press against my face, holding me where he wants me, Spencer’s touch is both delicate and strong. He pulls back, rubbing his nose on mine. “Relax and kiss me back.”

The moment our lips touch again, I’m so completely freaking lost. Forget the lack of memories, this man has erased my entire life in one kiss. I don’t care about the past because all I want is the present. I want his mouth and his touch and the heat of his body against mine.

I want to drown in this kiss and never come up for air.

When his tongue strokes mine, I could die. Spencer is all things at once. He’s sun and rain, fire and ice, fear and safety, and each second brings another wave of sensations, leaving me breathless.

I moan into his mouth, and then he shifts me so I’m straddling his hips. Even from the bottom, he’s in control.

He deepens the kiss, fingers fisting my hair as I hold his lips to mine. It’s the most passionate kiss I’ve ever had.

Our breaths mingle, creating new air that’s equally us.

God, if I knew this man kissed like this, I might have mauled him sooner.

He kisses as though he’s just as starved for this as I am.

I don’t know how long it lasts, but when it ends, it’s far too soon. My forehead rests on his as I struggle to breathe and he rubs my back soothingly.

“Brie . . . I . . . I don’t know.”

I lift my head and press my finger to his lips. “If you ruin that for me and say something about that being a mistake, I will never forgive you.”

He smiles and pulls my hand away. “I wouldn’t dream of it.”

“Well, I have. Not the ruining it part—the kiss. I have dreamed of it for a very long time.”

Spencer shifts my weight a little, but he doesn’t move me off him. “And did I live up to the dream?”

I shake my head. “Nope.”

I almost laugh at the affronted look he gives me, but I hold it in. “No?” he asks.

“You far surpassed it.”

“That was mean.”

“That was me trying to control the situation a little,” I explain.

Spencer’s hand moves to my cheek, and his thumb brushes the soft skin right below my eye. “I want to give you control, which is why I want to help you so much. Sure, finding Isaac’s killer is part of it, but it isn’t all of it. I want you to regain what you lost.”

My pulse kicks up a notch as I grapple with that last part. “What if I don’t want back what I lost?”

His eyes narrow. “Why wouldn’t you?”

I think about that velvet box with the big ass diamond in my drawer. The fact that another man, who probably doesn’t kiss like Spencer does, gave it to me. How, even weeks after the incident, I don’t remember him. I don’t know what he looks like, if I see him daily, or if his absence from my life means he has something to do with what happened. He’s just the guy my head doesn’t want to recall.

I could be totally crazy, but there’s something there.

“What if the new future I could forge is better than the one I don’t remember? What if what I had was the wrong thing, and somewhere in my mind, I know it? Don’t you think I am forgetting for a reason?”

“It doesn’t really work that way, Brie.”

I feel ridiculous sitting on him like this, so I shift away, tuck my hair behind my ear, and prepare to look like an idiot as I explain. “I know that. I mean, I do, but I also wonder if my mind is protecting me, not just from the shooting, but where I fucked up.”

“You think you did something to deserve this?”

I’m not explaining it right. “No, I think the man I was dating or engaged to wasn’t the right one. If he was, he’d be here. Not to mention, Isaac was my best friend. I told him everything. Everything. How could he and Addy not know about an engagement? Or even that a guy existed! It’s like I knew it was wrong and hid it.”

“How do you know you didn’t tell Isaac?”

I blink for a second because I don’t know that I didn’t. “Maybe I did and asked him not to tell anyone yet. Maybe he was happy for me. Or, just as possible, he and the guy hated each other and that’s what caused all this. Not that anyone hated Isaac, but there is this feeling in my gut that is telling me the two things are linked. Maybe I was engaged to someone at work and found out he was stealing from the company. Isaac would’ve been who I went to with that information. If I did that, which is likely, and my fiancé found out, it would explain all of it. The attack, the office being trashed and why he’s disappeared. He could’ve been looking for the information I had and the ring, because it all links back to him.” He sits unmoving, watching me work through my thoughts. I turn to him. “And do you know what else? If I loved this guy so much, I wouldn’t be kissing you. Because do you know what I felt just then?”

“No.”

I smile. “I felt so happy. So full of hope for what could be. I want to find Isaac’s killer. I want to know that who did this is behind bars so the security guys can all go home to their families or their next job. On the other hand, I don’t know if I do. What if I can have something new? What if I can find someone else who kisses me and makes my toes curl?” Spencer is quiet, and I worry that I’ve said too much or made him think I somehow believe one kiss means it should be him. “I don’t mean you,” I say quickly. “I wasn’t trying to insinuate . . .”