Four Week Fiance 2(60)

I walked over to the grass and sat down and then lay back and closed my eyes. I knew I couldn’t stay here long. TJ had to get back to work. His phone had been ringing since about 5am and I’d heard him muttering that he’d be in the office as soon as possible. I wanted to ask him what was going on at work, but didn’t what to seem like I was being nosey. Plus, that wasn’t the conversation that I really wanted to have. I wanted to talk about us, about him. About what we were really doing. I wanted to tell him I wanted out. I didn’t want to be his four week fiancee anymore. Sally had been right. It was only four weeks, but I knew it was going to hurt for a lot longer than that. I was fighting a losing battle. TJ was never going to be mine and the pain that I felt every time I was with him was almost as much as the love. It was becoming too much for me to handle. I didn’t want to feel this way any more. I didn’t want to feel like my whole day was made with his smile and my whole day was ruined with his frown.

I looked up as I heard footsteps approaching me. It was TJ. He was wearing a tshirt and jeans and a lopsided smile on his face, that looked nervous and anxious at the same time. It was weird to see him this way. I was so used to the man that always used to tease me and try and make fun of me. Seeing this vulnerable side of TJ made me see him as someone different, still wonderful and fun, but someone deeper and of more character. It was hard not to fall deeper in love with him, the more I saw of him; flaws and all. He walked towards me and sat next to me, not saying anything. I looked away from him and just stared at the sky and we just lay there in silence.

"I'll tell you a story." TJ said finally as he lay next to me in the grass.

"I don't want to hear a story." I didn't look at him as I shifted away from him. Why had he followed me here? Why couldn't he just leave me alone? Or just tell me that he needed to get back to the office and that we had to leave.

"There once was a girl. She loved a boy. With all her heart. All her soul. She loved him, even when she didn't know him. She loved him for everything he was. She loved him for everything he wasn't. She loved him for the way he smiled when she giggled. The way he frowned when he disapproved of something she was doing. The way he pursed his lips when he was cross. The way he held her hand when she was tipsy. She loved him for the way he always knew exactly how she felt. She loved him even when he didn't love her. She loved him with so much hope and wonder. And she waited. Patiently. She waited for the day when he would love her. In fairytales, soulmates always came together. And she knew he was her soulmate. She knew as sure as there were stars in the sky that he was hers." TJ's voice broke and my lips trembled at his words. My eyes started to fill with tears. I hated him. I hated him for coming him and talking and saying things that made my heart hurt even more.

"So then what happened?" I asked him, my voice barely a whisper.

"He wasn't good enough."

"You mean he didn't love her." I interjected, fed up of his bullshit.

"I mean, he wasn't good enough." TJ sighed. "Life isn't always a fairytale."

"No shit."

"There once was a boy." He said softly. "He loved a girl. With his whole being. With his whole heart and soul. He loved a girl to the point of distraction. He loved her to the point that he couldn't sleep. He loved her to the point that she was all he could think about. He loved her to the point where her smile kept him awake at night because it was so bright. He loved her to the point that it broke his heart that he made her sad. He loved her to the point of infinity, yet he couldn’t tell her."

"Okay, and?" I turned to him then. I couldn't not look at him anymore. I stared at his face, then his hair. I so badly wanted to reach over, touch his hair, touch his face, touch his lips.

"He didn't believe in magic. He didn't believe in the stars. He was afraid to fly." He rolled over and faced me. "He didn't believe..." His voice trailed off. "It's a long way to fall when you live in the clouds."

"Maybe you wouldn't fall." I blinked rapidly.

"There once was a boy." He stared directly into my eyes, a bleak expression burning into my soul. "He had a secret. He had a secret that he knew would break her heart. And he knew that the fall was inevitable."

"Maybe he should have trusted the girl." I closed my eyes and tried to ignore the racing of my heart. "Maybe he should have believed in the magic. Maybe he should have jumped out into the universe and screamed and shouted that he didn't care what happened. Maybe the boy shouldn't have been afraid to fly." I opened my eyes then. "We could have been in the air, barely breathing together. Risking it all." I gave him a small smile and jumped up. "Maybe he should have lived in the clouds with her."

"Mila." His voice broke as he jumped up as well. "You don't know what you're saying."

"I'm not afraid to fly, TJ. You are." I paused for a few seconds, wondering if this was finally going to be the end for both of us. "I love you." I said after a few seconds, my voice cracking as I decided to put it all out there.

"I want you." He said.

"I need you." I said.

"I miss you." He said.

"I can't live without you." I said.

"I can't breathe without you." He said.