Four Week Fiance 2(59)

"You," he said softly, his face serious. "She wanted to talk about you."

"Oh," I said and I felt tears drifting down my face.

"It's complicated, Mila. It's just so complicated. I don't even know what to say anymore." He reached over and ran his fingers down my face and brushed away my tears. "Please don't cry."

"I'm not crying." I looked away from him.

"My mom used to say that when I caught her crying," he said abruptly, his eyes going dark. "I just remembered that. I would catch her sometimes, just crying, and I never knew why. She'd usually stop right away. And then she'd smile and hold me close and kiss me and tell me I was her perfect little boy." He smiled at me wryly. "Then if my dad caught her, he'd tell her to stop coddling me and she'd let me go and I'd just sit there, slightly confused and bereft, not understanding." He blinked up at me. "Then she just stopped hugging altogether, not unless she was sure my dad wouldn't see."

"Oh, TJ." My heart broke for him. "I'm so sorry."

"It's okay." He nodded. "That wasn't the part that hurt." He paused. "The part that hurt was seeing her hug and smile at everyone else. It made me feel small, unloved, like I'd done something wrong. I remember once, I had a party and she hugged all my school friends and asked each and every one of them how their day had been, yet she didn't even look me in the eyes. She didn't even care about me, her own son, the one she should have loved the most."

"I don't know why she did that," I whispered and stroked the side of his face. "I'm so sorry." The words sounded inadequate, even to my own ears.

"I was too young to understand that it must have been due to my dad," he said and sighed. "All I could think about was how she always used to hold me close and hug and kiss me until I couldn't breathe. And she'd tell me how much she loved me. How she couldn't imagine loving anyone more than me. And then she just stopped."

"I'm sure she didn't stop."

"She just stopped. I was her world. She told me I was her world. She used to tell me that I was her reason for living. That my birth was what had made her life perfect. She told me that the day she had me was the day she started to believe in God again. He'd proven he existed by giving her something so perfect." His throat caught. "And then she stopped loving me and she died."

"Oh, TJ." I pulled him into my arms and held him tightly. "You were the best thing that ever happened to her, but your dad and whatever other demons she had, well, that stopped her from being the person she was inside."

"Sometimes I wish I could talk to her," he said. "I'd like to know what happened. I'd like to know if she stopped loving me."

"She'd never stop loving you, TJ." I kissed him hard. "No one could stop loving you," I whispered against his lips. I could never stop loving you, I thought to myself as I dismissed the other girl from my thoughts. My heart was aching for my TJ, the man who still held the hurt and fears from his childhood.

"I want to make love to you," he muttered against my lips. "I need to be inside of you."

I didn't answer; instead, I slowly took off his shirt and then pulled his pants and boxers down. I then stood up and slowly undressed and threw my clothes to the ground. I looked down at his moon-kissed face and my heart swelled with love at the look of desire that shone back at me.

"Come to me, baby." He reached his arms up and I took his hands and straddled him. I felt his hardness between my legs and I rocked back and forth and teased myself with his manhood. He leaned up and pulled me down slightly so that he could cover my right nipple with his mouth and suck, while his hand played with my other breast. I stretched my body down against him and kissed his neck, while my hands played with his chest and ran down his slightly hairy stomach. My fingers played with his bellybutton and I gasped as he started nibbling on my nipple. I adjusted my body and sat up slightly and reached down and guided him into me hesitantly. This was the first time I was really the guiding force during intercourse and I was loving the feeling of power. As he slid inside of me, I found myself closing my eyes and moving back and forth on him gently, enjoying every stroke of him inside of me, as the stars shone down on us. The moment felt primal and raw and like we were one with nature.

“I’m flying, TJ,” I cried out as I felt my orgasm building. My hair flew behind me and the wind cooled down my heated body.

“I’m flying as well, Mila.” He grabbed a hold of my hips and moved my body back and forward even faster. I gyrated on him as hard as I could and I could feel both of our bodies trembling as we neared our crashing point. We cried out together as we both came and my body fell down on top of him as I climaxed.

“I love you, TJ,” I said softly into his ear. “That will never change.”

“I know,” he whispered back. “That’s my dream and my hope.”





Chapter Thirteen

Mila


I walked along the side of river by myself watching the sunrise. The previous evening had been touching and profound, but the sadness in my heart told me that things were never going to change. TJ was broken, even if he didn’t know it. And he might never be able to love me in the way that I’d wanted. I knew it in the way he’d pulled away from me when we’d broken up this morning. He’d looked embarrassed and sad, and even more than that, he’d looked vacant. That was what had broken me. I’d felt that after last night we were growing closer, but this morning it had seemed like we were further apart than ever before.