Four Week Fiance 2(58)

“It doesn’t have to be complicated.” My breath caught.

“I’m not the man for you, Mila. I’m not looking for the same things.”

“You don’t even know what I’m looking for.”

“A true love. A real love. A soulmate. Someone who will captivate your heart. Someone who will say all the right things. Someone who will be there for you when you need them. Someone who can listen. Someone that can provide for you. Love you. Truly. Deeply. With his whole heart. Someone who makes you his world. Someone who’s in a place to hold you close and never let go. That’s what you’re looking for. That’s what you deserve. That’s the type of man you need. You need someone who doesn’t have thoughts constantly running through his head. You need someone who doesn’t have something to prove. You know, someone who knows how to love like that.”

All I want is you. I don’t care how little of you I have. The words caught in my throat. How could I make him see that every part of him was what I wanted?

“Say something, Mila.” He turned back to me, his face twisted. “Speak to me.”

“I’d like to fly,” I said. “If you could see me in the darkness, flying through the sky, you’d be amazed by me. You’d be amazed by all I could see and do.”

“I see you in the light,” he whispered. “And I see you in the darkness. That’s the problem.” His voice cracked and I closed my eyes, feeling like someone had just shot an arrow through my heart. Confusion and sorrow filled me. My heart of glass was cracking and I wasn’t sure it would ever be whole again. “I can’t bear to see you in the dark, Mila. I don’t think I’d survive.”

I can’t survive without you ran through my head, but once again I didn’t speak.

“The man who loves you shouldn’t be the man who breaks your heart, Mila,” he continued, as if he were trying to convince me of the reasons why I should be happy he didn’t love me.

“Yeah,” I said finally, trying not to cry. “I need to tell you something,” I said finally. There was no time like the present and I needed to get everything off of my mind.

“Sure,” he said and he rolled to look at me. “What is it?”

“I did something a long time ago and you might hate me for it.”

“Oh?” His tone had changed and I looked over at him.

“There was a girl, when you were in college, one weekend when Sally and I were staying with you and Cody, and she came over and—”

“She told you she was pregnant with my baby.” TJ grinned at me. “And you told her to leave like some badass bitch.”

“You knew?” My jaw dropped open as my eyes widened. “You knew all this time and you never told me?”

“I’d never even slept with that girl.” He laughed. “Yeah, I knew. I thought it was funny.” He shrugged. “Has this been bothering you for a while?”

“I’ve been feeling guilty for years.” I bit down on my lower lip. “It was a horrible thing to do.”

“Oh, Mila.” He reached over and held me and kissed my nose softly. “I’m sorry, I should have mentioned something to you.”

“I felt so bad for what I did, and for lying.” I sighed. “I hate lying.”

“I know.” His eyes shifted away from mine and he sighed. “I hate lying too.”

“Is there something you’re not telling me, TJ?” I asked bravely, finally voicing the words I’d been wanting to say for a long time. “I feel like there’s something going on. And I wish you’d share it with me.”

“Mila, there are so many things I want to tell you.” He looked back into my eyes. “You have to understand that.”

“Things like what?”

“Things like how beautiful I think you are. How smart. How wonderful. How brilliant. How your smile lights up a room and my heart.” He stopped as his phone started ringing and he sighed as he took it from his pocket. I saw a bunch of text messages on his phone and I watched him responding to them quickly. My heart raced as he turned the phone away from me so that I couldn’t see the screen. Who was he texting? Did he have someone else? A girlfriend? Someone he really did like, or maybe even loved? My heart grew cold at the thought and I could feel myself starting to feel sick. Was that what TJ was hiding? The fact that he was seeing someone else? I lay back on the grass on my back and just stared up at the stars, trying to breathe in and out to calm my nerves.

"Sorry about that," TJ said, turning back to me.

"That's fine," I said quietly. "Who was it?"

"Oh," he paused. "Just some girl."

"Oh," I said, my stomach lurching, waiting for him to say more. "And you needed to text her back right away?" I said after he didn't say anything else.

"Yeah, I knew she'd keep calling and texting if I didn't." He sighed but still didn't say more.

"I see," I said, but I didn't. I felt like I wanted to die. Another woman added a whole new element to my heartache.

"She doesn't know I went out of town," he continued. "She wanted to talk to me."

"About what?" I asked softly and looked over into his eyes.