Fauxmance (Showmance #2)(77)

“Ellen,” Dad choked on my name, his eyes shiny with unshed tears.

I returned to the couch and wrapped my arms around him. We stayed like that for several minutes, just holding each other. Dad had always been my pal and confidante, but he usually just let me talk. Now he’d been the one to reveal things and I felt closer to him than I’d ever been before.

“This Julian, I don’t know the full nature of your relationship, but I do know what a man looks like when he loves a woman, Ellen.”

I drew away. “Don’t say that, Dad. We’ve ended things, so telling me that only makes it hurt more.”

“Do you love him?” he asked.

“I…I don’t know. I feel like I do, but I don’t know exactly what love is supposed to feel like.”

“Is he the first person you want to see every morning, and the last you want to see at night? When you have news, is he the first person you want to tell?”

Yes, yes and yes.

Still, I shook my head. “I’m not sure. You’re being very understanding about all this, by the way.”

“Most of us, when we get to a certain age, we learn to stop judging people. You also want your children to be happy, no matter what. If he’s what makes you happy, Ellen, then that’s all I care about.”

He didn’t care about his profession?

Who was this open-minded man who talked freely about emotions, and what had he done with my stoic, awkward, manly man of a father?

“I don’t know what’s going to happen between us now,” I said sadly.

Dad rubbed my shoulders. “I’m always here if you need me, Ellen. And you can stay for as long as you like if you’re not ready to go back to London yet.”

I arched an eyebrow. “I’m not sure Shayla will be too happy to have me hanging around.”

“Shayla won’t mind.” Dad paused and sucked in a deep breath. “She’s very sorry for how she acted yesterday.”

“Yes, well, there’s nothing any of us can do to change it now.”

“She’s outside in the car. She’d like to apologize in person, if you’ll allow it.”

Oh, hell. Shayla was the last person I wanted to see right now, but the fact she’d waited outside in the car for the past hour made me feel bad. Not much, but a little. Then again, she deserved some discomfort after what she put me through.

“I don’t really want to see her, Dad.”

“That’s all right. You don’t have to.”

I looked at him and guilt ate at me. I didn’t want him going off on his honeymoon with this hanging over him, so I relented, emitting a long breath. “Fine. I’ll let her say her piece.”

I followed Dad outside. Shayla looked anxious when she saw us emerge. Good.

She got out of the car and came right over to me, as though to give me a hug. I stood back, my posture defensive. We definitely weren’t there yet. Not by a long shot.

“Oh, Ellen, I can’t apologise enough for my behaviour yesterday. You must think me a horrible woman.”

“I think you should’ve spoken to me privately. If you had, I would’ve been able to tell you that Julian had not taken advantage of me in any way. Whatever was between us, it was completely consensual and my own business as a grown, almost thirty-year-old woman.”

“You’re right. You’re old enough to know your own mind. But I know how much your father cares for you. He worries about you living in London all by yourself. I just got a little carried away, thinking I was doing the right thing. I hope you’ll find it in you to forgive me.”

My expression was hard. “It’s a bit early for forgiveness.”

She sniffled. “Yes, I understand. Maybe we can work towards it over time.”

I relented a little. “Maybe.”

“I’d like that, Ellen. And thank you for coming and hearing me out.”

I nodded, went to give Dad one last hug and wished him an enjoyable honeymoon.

After they left, I finally peeled off yesterday’s dress and climbed into the shower. The hot water washed away some of my tension, but I still felt torn open on the inside. Even if I did love Julian, he didn’t love me. Sure, he cared about me, but it wasn’t the same.

The idea that we were done shot an arrow through my insides. Then there was the story of what really happened to Mum. I had this constant pain in my stomach over it, imagining how terrified she’d been, how quickly you could end a life. My entire being ached, and I just wanted to fast-forward to a time when I didn’t feel this way anymore.

When I got out of the shower, I dried off and put on some clean pyjamas, planning to drown my sorrows in junk food and romcoms.

I’d just brought all my pillows and duvet down to the living room when the front door opened. Nick walked in, a paper bag in hand. “I’m here with breakfast, a sympathetic ear, and a shoulder to cry on. Any takers?”

I really did love him.

We sat and talked for hours. I told him everything, all about Elodie, and how I met Julian, the entire story of our relationship from beginning to end. Nick didn’t judge, instead he seemed fascinated with it all. He’d always thought he was the adventurous one in our family, the one who took chances, threw caution to the wind. But it seemed I had a bit of an adventurous streak in me, too.