Fauxmance (Showmance #2)(82)
Real life had definitely mirrored fiction with that one.
“I’m not sure I’m right for that job,” I replied and closed the paper. “And I’m sure Ellen would prefer it if I weren’t hanging around the set.”
“She’s the one who suggested you,” Damon said, and I blinked. She had? Was she back from her travels?
Everything inside of me thrilled at the idea of seeing her, and then immediately rebelled against it. My feelings for her were dangerous. I’d come too close to losing myself to her completely. As a recovering addict, the idea of being so vulnerable with another person was terrifying. If she rejected me, and inevitably she would eventually, it might send me straight back into the arms of my greatest love, heroin.
“She admitted that when she first wrote the book a number of years ago, she was young and new to publishing. She didn’t do any real-life research, didn’t talk to anyone within the profession. And like I said, since it’s all from Sasha’s perspective in the book, it works. But in the film, we’re trying to show all viewpoints,” Damon went on in an effort to convince me.
I frowned as I thought about it. “You’re not just making this offer because you’re sick of me moping around the flat?”
In truth, not only had I been grumpy for months, I also hadn’t worked. I was at a point where I could afford to take some time off, but I definitely couldn’t afford to do this indefinitely. I needed to start earning again. The problem was, my interactions with clients had been difficult at best. I’d tried, but like with Cathy after I’d started to grow close to Ellen, I couldn’t bring myself to be intimate. All I thought about was Ellen, and how I wished I was kissing her, touching her, taking her into my arms.
Nobody else would do, and that’s what terrified me. For so long I sought pleasure in many beds, now I only yearned for one.
“Julian, I don’t exactly know any other male escorts. Besides, I don’t want anyone else for this job but you. It’s a great job opportunity, with a potential for similar jobs down the line. We’ve also just cast the lead role.”
That piqued my curiosity. I wondered what Alister they’d found to play Sasha. “Oh?”
Damon smiled. “Our old friend Alicia has agreed to play the lead.”
Well. That was interesting. “And Rose has no objections?”
Back when they’d worked on the West End together, Alicia had eyes for Damon. In the end, she’d succumbed to my charms, but I still couldn’t imagine Rose being thrilled about her coming back into their lives.
“Rose has known for a long time that I’ve no romantic inclinations towards Alicia. Besides, she’s perfect for the role. We couldn’t go with anyone else.”
“And how has the rest of the casting been going? Rose mentioned the other week you were having some troubles.”
Damon rubbed his jaw. “We haven’t found the right person yet to play Toby, Sasha’s boss at the magazine. We need someone who’s good-looking, but older. Also, someone who isn’t a huge star. Alicia needs to be the clear headliner.”
I almost grinned. “Was that in her contract?”
Damon shot his eyes to the ceiling. “What do you think?”
I chuckled, and it was the first time I’d felt any sort of humour in who knew how long. It was just so Alicia to insist on being the main attraction. It was one of the things that had drawn me to her. When I thought of how Ellen was her opposite in every way, I wondered if maybe that had been my problem. I’d always gone for women like Alicia, women who were like me, perhaps subconsciously knowing they wouldn’t fall for me. But Ellen…
“Well, what do you think?” Damon prodded, interrupting my thoughts.
I sighed. “Let me think about it.”
He started to smile. “Great.”
I wagged my finger at him. “Don’t go getting too excited. I’m not agreeing to anything yet.”
But really, I did need to work. It was only the thought of being around Ellen that made me hesitate. Then again, with her newfound confidence and travels, I’d be surprised if she hadn’t moved on to someone else by now. Even thinking it made me want to lash out, but I kept the urge at bay. I drummed my fingers on the back of the chair to release some nervous energy when an idea struck. “How about having David audition for the Toby role?”
Damon appeared thoughtful as he rubbed his chin. “He just finished a stint in Sweeney Todd, right? Has he done any other acting?”
“Do music videos count?”
Now he laughed. “Not really, but give me his number and I’ll get in touch. See if he’s interested.”
Later that day, I stood outside Montrose, the assisted living facility where my mother resided. It was an hour outside of London, but I still felt guilty for not visiting more often. It was just that these visits, they drained me. And then I felt guilty for feeling drained. It was a vicious cycle.
When I went inside, I was immediately welcomed by a smiling receptionist. A fresh vase of flowers sat on her desk, colourful and vibrant. Mum used to live in a much worse place than this, but once I started to earn enough money, I transferred her here. Sometimes I wondered if maybe it was a little too nice. She was comfortable here and didn’t want to leave.
I guess there were worse ways to live. At least at Montrose, I knew she was being cared for. She was taking her meds, getting up every morning, socialising with the other residents. It was the best possible scenario.