Fauxmance (Showmance #2)(74)

I blinked, tears suddenly filling my eyes. I couldn’t handle how my dad was looking at me, couldn’t handle the judgement. Julian was right, even if she thought she was doing the right thing, she’d humiliated me.

I turned and fled the room, running out into the gardens. I found a private spot behind a row of hedges and flopped onto the grass. Tears streamed down my face and I sobbed.

This was a new low for me.

How could everything go to hell so quickly?

“Ellen?” Julian called. “Ellen, where are you?”

“I’m here,” I answered, a sob in my voice.

He rounded the hedge and knelt before me, taking both my hands in his. “Oh, darling, don’t cry.”

“I hate her. How could she do something so cruel?”

“Because she doesn’t believe she’s being cruel. She believes she’s being righteous. She thinks I am a lowly cad out to exploit you.”

“She couldn’t be further from the truth,” I sniffled. “You changed my life. I wasn’t living until you came along.”

Those sad hazel eyes met mine. “It’s what I do. I try to help.”

I blinked away my tears. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

He emitted a heavy breath and looked away a moment. When he looked back, his expression was full of remorse. “I’m very fond of you, Ellen.”

I shook my head and let go of his hands. “Don’t do this.”

He caught my chin, forcing my eyes to his. “We were never meant to be forever, and look at you now. Like you said, you’ve changed, and it’s beautiful to see.”

A lump formed in my throat and I felt like I couldn’t breathe. Everything inside me rebelled. He couldn’t do this to me, not now. I wasn’t ready for this to end.

“Please, Julian,” I begged, sobbing again. “I need you. I need you so much.”

He wiped away some of my tears. “You only think that because you’re frightened. But my job is done, Ellen. You don’t know it yet, but you’re going to live such a life.” His voice faltered a little at the end.

Hastily, I stood and pushed him away. “So that’s all this was to you? A job?”

“Ellen, you know things between us weren’t typical for me.”

“Then why are you talking like they were?”

He ran a hand through his hair, frustrated. “Because if we continue any longer, I’ll only hold you back. I’ll only…” his words trailed off, his voice heavy with emotion. “I’ll only break your heart.”

I sucked in a painful breath, staring at him as I whispered, “Too late for that.”

I turned and strode away. He didn’t follow. I walked to the front of the hotel and climbed into a cab. I just wanted to go home, wrap myself up in my familiar childhood blankets, and wish the world away.

Because I didn’t want to live in a world without Julian in it.





Chapter Twenty-One





Julian





I felt wretched. Utterly wretched.

The look in Ellen’s eyes. The heartbreak written all over her face almost did me in.

I knew what she thought. She thought she loved me, but she was misguided. I wasn’t a man to fall in love with. I was a man to be lusted after, and that was what she felt, mistaking it for something more.

With how I was becoming so attached to her, so possessive and protective, now was definitely the time to end it, before things got even more complicated. I couldn’t risk hurting her worse further down the line. Because I felt so much for her, and I didn’t trust myself not o self-sabotage, taking her down with me.

I walked all the way from the hotel into town. Finding a pub, I went inside, very tempted to order a drink. But I didn’t. I knew if I allowed myself to sink that low there might not be any crawling back.

I was already torn in two.

Shayla had done the hard work for me, and yet, I wanted to hate her for it. But I couldn’t. In her mind, she was doing the right thing, even though she went about it all the wrong way. I was growing too close to Ellen, closer than I’d ever grown to any client before. In my heart, I predicted this would happen, but I was foolish enough to dive in anyway.

I sat at the bar for an hour, wallowing. When I left, I walked along the beach until I reached Ellen’s dad’s house. It was almost two in the morning. I didn’t want to wake her up, but I needed to get my things and leave. Hopefully there would be a train along soon to take me back to London.

As I neared the porch, I saw my suitcase, packed and waiting for me. On top of it was a white envelope. It was thin, and before I even opened it, I suspected what was inside. For a moment, it felt like my heart ceased beating.

I felt sick.

Then I got angry because there was a cheque for ten thousand pounds inside. Ellen was paying me for my services and I’d never felt so fucking pissed off and self-hating at the same time. I’d left behind the shame for my work a long time ago, but that wasn’t what I felt now. Now all I felt was empty, because I never should’ve agreed to sleep with her in the first place. And now I was standing with a check for ten grand in my hand and I didn’t want a single penny of it.

Being with Ellen, getting to know her, none of it had been for financial gain. Every single second I spent with her was because I wanted to be there. Not because I was being paid. Not because it was a job. But because I was drawn to her in a way I’d never been drawn to anyone before.