Fade Out (The Morganville Vampires #7)(64)

He points his finger in my face. “I had nothing to do with what happened to Dad.”

“Yeah, you did. And for a long f*cking time, I thought I did, too.” I swallow hard. “I thought if I’d just somehow sucked it up, kept my mouth shut, you never would’ve found out about the video shit, then I could’ve prevented it. Then he never would’ve suffered a heart attack.”

He chuckles bitterly. “You really are a f*cking *, you know that? That man had a heart condition for years, Ryder. He smoked two packs of cigarettes a day, and worked too damn much.”

“Maybe so, but the scandal? All those reporters and Alyssa’s testimony, not to mention your suspension from the team? That’s what pulled the trigger. I’m not going to deny the truth anymore, Jake.” I back up a few steps, done. Just done. “And I won’t share in the blame anymore, either. One day, I hope for your sake, you’ll own up to it.”

He uncaps his liquor and takes a hard swig. Shoving the glass bottle back into his bag, he steps around me and heads for the door, saying, “I guess we were through years ago, then, brother.” He stops before the door, hand secured to the knob. Shakes his head. “My little, soft brother. Look me up when you’ve finally grown a pair.”

The guilt I’d normally feel from his anger and judgment glances right off. I’m sick of walking on eggshells around him, hoping to keep him calm and collected for Mom’s sake; he’s never going to change.

A knock at the door cuts through the suffocating tension of the room. We both turn our heads toward the sound, and I’m spurred into motion. But Jake’s already there. He turns the knob and opens the door wide.

“Holy shit,” he says around a brash laugh. “Oh, f*ck. I thought it was her for a minute. No wonder your nuts are all in a vise.” He chuckles as Ari looks at me, a frown line creasing between her brows.

Blood roaring in my ears, I rush to slam the door, but Jake wraps an arm around my neck and pulls me to a halt. “And you call me a sick f*ck,” he says. “Are you seriously banging a chick that looks like Alyssa?”

Ari’s gaze traps mine. I watch in helpless slow motion as her features fall, confusion and hurt washing over her face. “I’m sorry,” she says, tearing her gaze away from me and nailing Jake with a hard glare. “Who are you?”

He’s still laughing, the stench of alcohol rolling off him. “She even sounds like her! God, man, you have it bad for snotty-ass, rich bitches.”

I elbow my brother off me and hurry toward Ari. She takes a step back, raising her hand. “Who is this guy, Ryder? What the hell is he talking about?” But before she even has a chance to do a double take, glancing from me to Jake, recognition lights her eyes. “Your brother?”

The way she says it, so dejected, only adds more weight to my already heavy shoulders. “Yeah,” I answer. I watch her features shift as her quick brain works it out, putting all the pieces together. It’s one of the things I love about her; how smart she is.

Only this time, I wish I could outthink her. Have some kind of explanation at the ready. Because as she takes another step away from me, creating a painful distance between us, I can see she’s made the connection.

“Alyssa was the girl,” she says.

Jake slaps my back, and my spine stiffens, my hands ball into fists. “The girl,” Jake stresses. “No shit, when I first saw you, I thought you were her. That Ryder just up and lost his freaking mind. That chick was bad news.” He shakes my shoulder. “She really did a mind f*ck on Ryde, here. I never saw him cry before until she slapped him.”

I turn on him and have him by the collar, pushing him up against the wall. “What is wrong with you?” I shout, my words a snarl.

He clasps my wrists and breaks my hold. For all the weight he’s lost, he’s still just as strong. “Me? I’m not the one nailing the spitting image of the girl who f*cked me over in high school.” He pushes my arms aside and straightens his shirt. “What is it, bro? An anger bang? A grudge f*ck?”

Hell.

I haul back and stick my fist in his face.

White-hot pain slices my knuckles as Jake goes down. The room pulses in my vision, a whoosh fills my ears. Then slowly, as I blink hard, reality bleeds into focus around me. Fear grips me cold, and I turn to find Ari staring at me wide-eyed, a wrecked look marring her beautiful face.

“Let me explain—”

She holds up a trembling hand. “Don’t.” Then she shakes her head repeatedly before she turns and runs into the hallway.

Shit f*ck!

Jake’s saying something. His voice stops my pursuit of her as I reach the door. But I’m not really hearing his words. I take five seconds—that’s all he gets—to say, “You better be gone by the time I get back here.”

He laughs. “You always wanted to be one of them,” he says, then spits red on the carpet. His eyes—that are just like mine—glare at me. “But you’re not. You can’t be. You’re just a piece of shit, like me. No matter how much money you make in the pros, you’ll always be the poor boy from the wrong side of town.”

“Maybe so.” I shrug. “But at least I’m not the poor boy with a chip on his shoulder.” Not anymore. For Ari, I’ll be better. I am better.

With one last, disgusted look at my brother, I say, “Get help, Jake. Don’t contact me again until you do.”