Fade Out (The Morganville Vampires #7)(60)

God, but I could tackle him right here and just tear at those annoying layers of clothes. Turning in his arms, I link my arms around his neck. “That is so hot,” I say, and totally mean it.

One eyebrow cocked, he pulls me closer, his crooked smile stealing my breath. “I thought you were above all that groupie shit.”

“I’m the groupie,” I stress. “I’m allowed to fangirl all over you if I want.”

His big hands grab my ass as he bends at the knees and dips his lips to my neck. “Damn…” His deep voice rumbles against my skin, sending a quake through my body. “Keep talking like that, and I won’t have a choice but to make every touchdown pass in record time.”

It’s playful banter, I know—but there’s a current of truth streaming beneath his teasing admission. Pulling back enough to look into his eyes, I say, “Do you really want to give it up?”

His irises are arctic blue against the gray backdrop of the dreary beach. His eyes squint, but not in their cute way; in a way I know he’s considering my question seriously. “If it came down to a choice, I would.”

I let the vagueness of that statement go, and instead say, “Just for you. Nothing or no one else. What do you want, Ryder?”

His grip on me tightens, and he releases a low groan on an exhale. “I want to play. I do. Badly. But it’s not that simple. I want the freedom to play the game for myself without the background noise.” He gives his head a quick shake. “Some days it’s just too complicated. Am I allowed not to know the right answer to that?”

I open my mouth, but halt. Think a second longer before I respond. Then, holding his disarming gaze, I say, “Yes. But I think it’s something you should figure out before you go all the way to the pros. Don’t you?”

He nods simply. “You think I’m taking it for granted.”

My head jerks back. “What? No! Nothing like that.” I lower my arms to wrap them around his waist, hooking my thumbs through his belt loops. “I just…I want you to be sure. To know exactly why you’re playing, and for it to ultimately be for you—whatever you decide.”

Resting his forehead against mine, he says, “I know one thing I want for sure.” His whispered words send heat rippling across my lips. His sentiment goes right to my heart, making it stutter.

“Well, yeah. That’s an easy one when you’re practically grinding against me.” I play off the intensity I hear in his voice. But the damage is done; I want him to want me. And to never stop.

“You have a sassy mouth, you know that?” He wriggles my hips, making my body do exactly what I just accused.

“What are you going to do about it?” I dare.

He lifts his head and stares out over the ocean. “I think you need to cool off before you drive me insane. I see another dip in the ocean taking place really soon.”

“Oh…you wouldn’t—” I squeal as he dips down and scoops me into his arms. “Ryder! I swear… If you throw me in that freezing water…”

“Oh, please, threaten me, baby. With all your dirty words.” He carries me in his arms across the beach, and I helplessly wrap my arms around his neck. Clinging to him. If I go in, he’s coming with me.

But then another, better idea hits me, and I wriggle until I’ve twisted myself around him, and he has no choice but to hold me as I lock my legs around his waist. I seal his mouth with mine, and he stops walking. Soon, I feel the sand beneath me as he lowers us to the ground. My hands go to his hair, reveling in the softness of his thick layers. His strong, hard body pins mine to the earth in a dominant move to gain back control, but I’m more than ready to relinquish it to him.

He kisses a blazing trail along my jaw. “You fight dirty,” he says against my skin.

I laugh. “When your boyfriend is a stubborn jock, you kind of have no choice.”

I realize my blunder before his gaze snaps to mine. His eyes are hard on me, his mouth set in a firm line. “You making it official.” It’s more than a question. His determined statement is full of hope that shreds my defenses.

I run my hand through his hair, pushing his dark bangs away from his eyes. Swallow the lump threatening to choke me. “It’s just a word, Ryder. A silly label.” His eyes flash, heated. “We’re so much more—”

“Don’t,” he says, then turns his head to kiss my wrist before he pushes back onto his knees. Staring down at me, he sighs, his broad chest deflating, making me ache all over. “Either you want us as badly as I do, or you don’t, Ari. But don’t try to dismiss it so casually, to downplay it. I’m not really a dumb jock, remember?”

Heat rushes my cheeks. I sit up and brush the sand from my hands. “I’m not saying that you are. Christ, Ryder. It’s just simpler. Less I have to deal with from my family.”

His eyes cloud into a stormy blue. “Have you even told them about us?”

Damn. I open my mouth but no words form. My hesitancy sets him off further, and he doesn’t give me a chance to reply. “Because there’s nothing to tell, right?” he says.

“God. Why are you doing this?” I crawl toward him and rest my hands over his on his thighs, needing a physical connection to him. “They’ll eventually see pics online…I mean, I’m dating the fracking quarterback of the Braxton Bobcats. I’m sure they’ll get a Google alert with my name on it and then I’ll tell them. I just wanted to keep you to myself for a bit longer.” I hear the plea in my voice, but I can see he’s not buying it completely. “Please, just make this—what we have right now—last as long as possible.”