Fade Out (The Morganville Vampires #7)(58)
“I want to make this last as long as I can with you,” she says, revealing nothing, but bringing me back to the now with her. I cover her mouth with mine, desperate to seal the deal between us.
And as I enter her, driving deep and going long, the outside world and its threats against us fall away. My aim is to bring her there with me, infuse her with the same shattering need she’s consumed me with. But as I groan and release deep inside her, her body pulsing with a sweet ache that hugs me tightly, I know I’m far, far more gone.
23
Arian
I’m so stupid happy.
I keep writing similar things in the margin of my literature themes notebook. Along with doodling Ryder’s name and mine in different combinations—like I’m sixteen and lovesick—I can’t suppress the need to express this feeling of pure bliss.
Even Becca’s call can’t put me in my usual anxiety laden mood. I continue to scrawl my little thoughts down my paper as she drones on about the Reilly’s upcoming dinner party. Which, my father convinced his longtime friends to host at his place. Becca is in party planning heaven. Since the charity banquet, my father’s fears over the audit and how it will affect his firm have been assuaged. For the most part, thanks to Mr. Reilly, himself—the business merger doing exactly what my father predicted.
I should feel suffocated, and fearful, but I’m smiling while Becca reminds me that I’m required to attend this weekend. My father won’t take no for an answer this time.
“Lucas has been asking after you nonstop. He even asked your father your ring size,” she says. That catches my attention, and I sit up and toss the notebook aside. “You made a real impression on him, regardless of that gown. Oh, but I have the perfect dress for you! You need to try it on and let Greta take some measurements first, though. No surprises, right?”
I shake my head, trying to focus on what she said amid that rant. “What are you talking about? I only danced with him once, and it was like, two seconds at the end of a song.”
She picks up like she never lost steam on the topic. “You two have known each other your whole lives, Ari. Just be grateful he cares nothing about the Dartmouth scandal.” She sighs heavily. “Honestly, we couldn’t hide it from everyone. But Lucas is so taken with you. It’s adorable. Like you’ve both been engaged since you were little.” She squeals. “Oh! Maybe that’s what we’ll tell the press. But anyway, don’t be surprised if he proposes at the dinner. Just be prepared. Your father’s gone all out for this occasion.”
Vee walks into our room and it’s my chance to get far away from this conversation. “Becca, I have to go. Vee needs my help with something.” Vee’s eyebrows shoot up, and I wave my hand.
“Fine,” Becca concedes. “Email your father. He’s been worried about you.” Then she ends the connection.
I let the phone drop to my lap and then run my hands over my face, groaning. “God, someone give that woman a Valium.”
Vee laughs. “You’re not the only daughter to utter those words.” She plunks down beside me, and I peek at her through the slats of my fingers. She’s smiling so wide, I know I have to ask.
“What now?” Her and Gavin have been spending nearly as much time together as Ryder and I over the past few weeks. I rarely get to hang out with her outside of our room, boosters, and at lunch, but even that’s spent with the guys. We’re totally ridiculous. Like obsessed high school girls all about our boyfriends.
Only, I’ve been reluctant to give into that label completely. Ryder has pressed it a couple of times, wanting to place a title on what we are, but I can’t do that to him. It’s not fair. Not when Becca is practically already planning place settings for my wedding.
At that thought, my chest twinges with panic. Its icy fingers slither down my spine. Can Lucas really be falling for our parents’ bullshit? I thought…I don’t know. When he never contacted me, that maybe it was all my father’s wishful prodding. That if I just waited it out long enough, even my father would realize this was sheer lunacy. Then I’d have more time.
More time.
I believed I could live a carefree moment with the college playboy. Just push all future worries aside and be with the hotness of my dreams. And I was steeling myself for the second Ryder got bored; when he was content with his successful conquest and ready to mount another.
I’ve tried to keep the line clear, but with each passing day, that line is becoming more and more blurred. I thought I needed that defining line drawn for myself—to keep from getting hurt. Stephan betrayed me on a deep level, and I cared for him, but my feelings for him were nothing compared to how deeply and irrevocably I’ve lost my heart to Ryder.
Oh God, but I’ve made a huge mistake. For the both of us.
“That boy loves you,” Vee says, breaking right into my thoughts, as if she’s reading them clearly on my face.
My eyes widen. “I thought we were talking about you?”
She smiles and shakes her head. “We weren’t talking at all. You were getting that dumb look on your face you always get when you’re thinking of The Ryde.”
Ugh, but I still hate that name—even though I cannot deny its accuracy. Just remembering the last heated night I spent with Ryder has me aching so good between my thighs. And it’s all for me. He’s more than given up his past rep, laid it at my feet like an offering. How am I going to breathe? How am I going to do one menial thing ever again when this all ends?