FADING (A novel)(70)

Letting go of me, she says, “I’m glad you’re here with us,” as she brushes her thumbs under my eyes. “I’ll let the two of you be,” she says to Ryan then kisses my forehead. When she leaves the room, Ryan pulls me back onto his chest.

“Don’t cry, babe,” he says softly in my ear.

“I’m tired. I don’t want to talk anymore.”

Ryan gets off the couch, and I follow him upstairs. Walking into his room, I go into the bathroom to take my sleeping pill and brush my teeth. When I walk out, he is still standing by the door. I crawl into his bed and don’t even question him when he slides in behind me. He pulls me into him and curls himself around me. Neither one of us moves, we just lie there, snuggled up together. I’ve never had this before. But there is something about Ryan, about the way he makes me feel, that makes me want this—with him.





Chapter Twenty-Three


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“Morning, babe.”

Lifting my head and looking up at Ryan, in the still-dark room, he has me tucked tightly against him. Trying to wake from my sleep, I let my head fall lazily back down on his chest. His thumb is stroking my shoulder, and I blink a few times before fully opening my eyes.

The room is cold, and I sink further down in the bed beneath the covers.

I hear Ryan chuckle under his breath as he says, “What are you doing?”

“I’m cold,” I whisper.

“You’re always cold.”

I roll over onto my stomach and look up at him. “I know.”

He reaches down, pulls me back up against him, and wraps the comforter around me.

Aside from Jase, I have never slept a full night in bed with any other man. I thought it would be weird; maybe it would be with anyone else, but with Ryan it feels safe.

We are supposed to be driving back to Seattle later today, and I’m not quite sure how Jase is going to react to this new development. He knows I’m here; I texted him after the fight with my parents to let him know I was going to be with Ryan, but I haven’t spoken with him since I have been here.

“Why are you so quiet?” Ryan asks me.

“Just thinking.”

“About?”

Snaking my arm around his waist, I say, “Jase. He and Mark will be back Saturday.”

He rolls on his side and props himself up on his elbow. Looking down at me, he says, “Stop thinking,” as he leans down and nuzzles his head in my neck, lightly nipping on the sensitive flesh. Goosebumps begin to prick on my skin. Raising his head, my hands holding his face, he says, “Do you know how beautiful you look right now?”

His words make my heart quicken, and I pull his face down to me and kiss him.

?????

“Are you guys all packed up?” his mother asks as Ryan pulls out some cold pizza for us to eat.

We spent the morning lying in bed, dozing in and out of sleep, and just enjoying the calm of being alone.

Handing me a slice, he turns to her and says, “Yeah, I have to go to my office and get a bunch of paperwork done, and Candace has to work tonight.”

The three of us sit together at the table, eating cold leftover pizza. I sit and listen to Ryan and his mother talk to each other. They have a natural flow and connection between them, and it’s apparent that the two of them are really close.

“Candace, will you take a quick walk with me on the beach before you go?” she asks.

I look up at Ryan, and he smiles at me before getting up from the table. Turning to look at Donna, I answer, “Yeah. Let me go grab my rain boots.”

The mist is light this morning, as we walk along the firm puddled sand. The wind is kicking hard, and the waves are rough as they crash along the shore.

“I’m sorry if I pushed too much yesterday,” she says, looking at me over her shoulder.

“You didn’t. I don’t ever talk about that stuff with anyone, but it felt nice to unload a little of it.”

“I feel just awful about what you’ve been through, and I want you to know, that even though we just met, you can talk to me whenever you want. I’ll give you my number before you leave. Call me, please.”

I nod my head and say, “Okay.”

“Everyone needs a parent they can depend on, including you, dear.”

I’m taken back by her words. Donna has such a warm and maternal demeanor.

She stops and turns to face me when she says, “He hasn’t always had it easy, you know? He doesn’t let a lot of people in, but I know you’re special to him, which makes you special to me. From what Ryan has told me, he’s really lucky to have you.”

We stand there, facing each other, and I’m at a complete loss for words. Where have these people been? Why are they just now in my life? Why couldn’t I have met Ryan years ago? I could have possibly been saved from so much, and now I feel like I could destroy this if he knew my secret. Standing on this beach right now with his mother, I vow to do everything I can to bury this deep down. If he knew, he would never look at me the way he does now. He would be disgusted, and everything would crumble. I can’t have that happen. I’ve lost Kimber, I’ve lost my parents, I’ve even lost myself; I can’t lose anyone else.

?????

When Ryan pulls up to my house, I quickly jump out to stretch after the long drive. Ryan gets my bag and walks me inside. He follows me back to my room as I go to put my bag away. I turn to look at him standing in the doorway. He’s looking around my room as if he is taking in every detail.