FADING (A novel)(65)

Ryan slides under the covers with me and lays us down, both on our sides facing each other. I look up into his eyes, and he is staring back into mine. Holding me tightly against his warm body, looking into his clear-blue eyes, my heart begins to quicken again, but in a completely different way. He brings his hand up and gently places it on the side of my cheek. My breath catches, and I am so close to him that I can hear his breaths as they begin to increase slightly. Everything about him is calling me. I’m too scared to even move, but at the same time, I want to move. He’s all around me, and I still want more. Never taking his eyes off of me as we lie in the darkness, I grasp onto a thread of bravery and bring my hand up to cup his cheek as he is doing mine. Wrapped up in each other, his gaze slowly moves down to my mouth. I shouldn’t be wanting to do what I know he wants to, but when his eyes flick back to mine, I keep my eyes locked on his as I nod my head, my timid way of letting him know what I want.

Lowering his head slowly, my heart begins to pound in my chest as he gently presses his soft lips to mine, and my eyes fall shut. My body starts to tremble under his arms, and he grips me tighter. His kisses are slow, but purposeful. When I begin to move my lips softly with his, he glides his hand from my cheek to the back of my head, weaving his fingers into my hair and holding me close.

He brushes his tongue across my upper lip, and a soft noise escapes my throat. I want this, and I want this with him, but I’m scared. I’ve never felt this way before, and I don’t know what it is about him that makes me feel like this. I take my hand from his cheek, slide it under his arm, back up around his broad shoulder, and grip tightly. My heart is all over the place as our lips meld together.

Without breaking our connection, he shifts me onto my back. He begins to softly nip and suck, taking his time and not rushing our kisses. I slide my hands down his shoulders and hold tightly onto his muscular arms. When I feel his tongue brush across my lip again, I part my lips more and allow him to deepen the kiss. He dips his tongue into my mouth and caresses it against mine.

My emotions are running high, and I’m not used to the feelings that course through me. Suddenly, the thought creeps in that I’m too damaged for him to ever want to be with me. And what if I’m just another girl to him? I can’t do this. I realize that I’m feeling too much, and he now has the potential to hurt me.

I push my hands against his arms, and he pulls back. “I’m sorry,” I barely whisper, keeping my eyes closed because I’m embarrassed to look at him.

He continues to hold me tightly in his warm arms. “Look at me, Candace,” he breathes out.

I take a second before I hesitantly open my eyes and look into his. Supporting himself above me on one elbow, he takes his hand and brushes the back of his fingers along my face.

“I don’t want you to feel sorry for that.”

Another small noise escapes me as I nod. I can’t speak, because holding on as tightly as I am to keep my tears from falling is taking up all the strength I have. So, I wrap my arms around him, clinging to his warmth, to the belief that I didn’t just do something stupid—clinging to my hope that he won’t hurt me.

Leaning down and resting his forehead against mine, I can’t help myself when I tilt my chin up and gently kiss him. His lips fall slowly onto mine, pushing my head into the pillow. I cup his face between my two hands before he languidly pulls his lips from mine. Lying back on his side, he pulls me into him, and for the first time in my life, I let someone besides Jase hold onto me through the night.





Chapter Twenty-Two


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My legs are tangled with Ryan’s, and he’s lying behind me with his arm draped around my waist. His warmth is wrapped around me and although I feel nervous about seeing him after our kiss last night, I also feel relaxed in his arms as he sleeps.

My stomach is full of butterflies, and I haven’t even opened my eyes yet. What does this all mean? I wish I knew where his head was at, what he’s thinking. At the same time, I feel like I’m not guarding myself like I probably should be. What if that kiss didn’t mean anything to him? What if that’s something he just does with any girl? Did he feel what I felt?

Taking in a deep breath, I hold it and try to clear my head of all these jumbled thoughts. When I let out my breath, I open my eyes and see two round blue eyes staring into mine.

“Night night over.”

“It’s not over, Bailey,” Ryan mumbles behind me in a sleepy raspy voice.

I look at Bailey, Ryan’s two-year-old niece, and give her a grin.

“I eat bweakfast. Night night over,” she says to me in her sweet toddler voice.

“Okay,” I whisper to her as I start to wriggle my way from underneath Ryan’s arm.

He pulls me back down and with his eyes still shut says, “Where are you going?”

“To go get her something to eat.” I slide out from under the pile of blankets and walk to the dining room while Bailey follows.

Pulling out a chair for her at the table, she takes a seat and says, “I eat ceweal.”

“Sounds good. Where’s the cereal?” I say to myself as I walk into the kitchen and open the door to the pantry. I scan around and see a box of Cookie Crunch.

“How about this?” I ask her as I hold up the box.

A big smile covers her face, and I start opening and closing cabinets to find her a bowl.