FADING (A novel)(125)

I spend the day packing and sorting. By late afternoon, I can finally see the floor again when I stack all of the boxes along one of the walls. When my phone chirps at me, I read a text from Roxy.

Drinks?

When and where?

Prime. 7:00?

Perfect.

I hop in the shower to wash all the grime from packing off of me. After drying my hair and putting on a little makeup, I slip on a pair of dark wash jeans and a short-sleeved black peplum top.

When I walk into Prime, I am relieved to see that it’s not too busy. I still tend to get nervous around crowds, especially since I don’t have Jase or Ryan with me, but Roxy is already there, with her newly platinum blonde hair, waiting for me with a martini in hand. I smile at her appearance as she places her bright red lips on the glass and takes a sip, while all of her colorful tattoos are exposed on her sleeveless arms.

“Hey, hun,” she says as I take a seat next to her at the bar.

“You been waiting long?”

“No, just got here.”

I order a glass of red wine and Roxy asks, “So, are you all packed?”

“Pretty much. I spent all day working on my room.”

She scans my face and says, “It shows. You look like shit, girl.”

“Thanks,” I chuckle.

The bartender sets my wine down in front of me, and I pick it up to take a long sip.

“Thirsty?”

Setting the glass down, I open up to Roxy about last night.

“It’s really over with Ryan,” I sigh.

“What?”

Resting my elbow on the bar, Roxy does the same when I start, “Yeah. I saw him last night. It was awful.”

“What happened?”

“Nothing, really. I mean nothing was really said that wasn’t said months ago. He did say that he wanted to go to New York with me.”

“God, he really loves you.”

“I really love him too. But I can’t go back there again. Besides, New York is my dream, and if I didn’t go, I would always be wondering ‘what if.’”

She leans back and takes another sip of her drink. “That’s understandable.”

Last week I decided to tell Roxy about Jack. My therapist told me that the more I deal with it, the easier it will become, and the less power it will hold over me. She’s right. It was hard, but not unbearable. I did it, and I was okay.

“Jack’s dead,” I slip out.

Almost choking on her martini, she shouts, “What?!”

“God, you’re loud.”

“Sorry,” she says, and then whispers, “What?” in exaggeration.

“Yeah, last night. Car wreck. Kimber called and told me. I went for a walk to try and calm myself down, and I wound up at Ryan’s house. I shouldn’t have gone there. I know it only hurt him to see me again, just to have me walk away.”

“Why didn’t you call me?”

“I don’t know. I was a mess.”

“Shit,” she says as she sits back and downs the rest of her martini.

“I’m ready to move on though. I’m ready for New York.”

She shakes her head at me, and I ask, “What?”

“I don’t think you are.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing. Forget it. I’m happy for you. I’m gonna miss the crap out of you.”

“I’m going to miss you too.”

“You think you’ll come back?”

“I honestly don’t know. I have no idea where my life is going to take me. But I think I am finally ready to explore it on my own.”





Chapter Forty-One


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I take one last look around the room that has been mine for the past three years. The walls are bare and everything that is mine is now in boxes sitting in storage. I dropped my car off at Kimber’s parents’ house last night. They are going to keep it in their garage until I figure out what I’m going to do with it. I already shipped out my boxes, and they should be waiting for me to pick up when I arrive in New York later tonight.

“You ready?” I turn to see Jase walking into my room, and he sits down on my stripped bed.

“I’m sad,” I say as I sit down next to him and lean my head on his shoulder.

“Me too. I can’t believe you’re leaving.”

“I know. Me either.” My chest aches knowing I will soon be leaving everything I know and hopping on a plane to go where I don’t know a single person. Jase has always been my rock. He’s my best friend, and I swear he’s the breath that kept me going this year. I’m scared to not have him.

Jase is moving in with Mark next week. They both got jobs here in the city and since Mark’s roommate is moving out and he’ll have the place to himself, he asked Jase to move in.

Kimber also got a job at a local magazine working in the marketing department. She told me she refuses to get another roommate, but that’s just her being stubborn. She told me she didn’t want to live with anyone if it wasn’t me.

“Hey, guys. We need to leave soon,” Kimber says as she stands in my doorway. She looks around my room and shakes her head. “This shit makes me sick.” She walks over and sits on the other side of me. I still feel so guilty for wasting all that time not speaking to Kimber. I wish I could get every second back.