FADING (A novel)(127)

“Ms. Parker, this is Peter. How can I help you?”

“Hi, Mr. Kirchner. I was actually wondering if it was too late to be considered for placement in your company.”

“What happened to the American Ballet Theatre?”

“It wasn’t the right choice for me.”

“Why don’t you come in on Monday, and we can get all those papers signed? We would be honored to have you.”

“Thank you. Really. I will see you Monday.”

“See you then.”

When the cab stops, I hand over the money, get out, and start walking up the drive to the stairs that lead to his front door. I ring the bell and immediately start crying, feeling a total overload of emotions.

When the door opens, my breath catches, and he takes one look at me and asks, “What are you doing here? I just got off the phone with Jase. He said he dropped you off at the airport.”

“I can’t go. I’m so sorry. I can’t do it.”

“What do you mean you can’t do it?”

“Because . . . I love you too much to leave. And I miss you. And I made a huge mistake by leaving you. I’m so sorry,” I cry out.

When he wraps me in his arms, I know this is where I belong. This is my dream.

“Baby, you didn’t make any mistakes.”

“I did. And I know I hurt you. But, I’m so sorry. I can’t go because I can’t leave you. I don’t want to leave you.”

Pulling me inside, he closes the door, and he walks me over to the couch. When we sit down, he says, “I can’t let you give up on your dream. I can’t.”

“But, it’s not my dream. I was just hanging on to it because I was scared to see that it really wasn’t what I wanted. It’s you. It’s always been you.”

When he crushes his lips to mine, I wrap my hand around his neck and climb onto his lap, straddling his legs. Ryan bands his arms around me and holds on tight. He pulls away for a moment and tells me, “I’ve missed you so much, babe. You have no f*cking idea.”

“I love you. I’m sorry I’ve been so stupid and wasted all this time when all I really wanted was to be here with you.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for. I f*cked up. I hurt you, and you’ll never know how much I regret it.”

“I don’t blame you, Ryan. I did, but I don’t anymore. I just want to be with you.”

He cradles my cheeks and wipes my tears with his thumbs. “I don’t ever want to lose you again.”

“You won’t. I’m yours.”

Our affectionate kisses are laced with passion, making up for lost time. Picking me up, I lock my ankles around his waist as he carries me upstairs. He lays me down on his bed and crawls on top of me. I’ve missed this bed, being wrapped up with him in these sheets, smelling his scent all around me, feeling his warmth.

He reaches back, pulls his shirt off over his head, and tosses it aside. I look at the tattoo that’s on his ribs and read the words again: pain is a reminder you’re still alive. I sit up and brush my fingers across his scar and over the words. I tilt my head back to look up at him and he says, “I couldn’t breathe without you.”

I reach up and run my hand along his jaw. “I need you.”

And with words unspoken, he presses me down with his weight wholly on top of me, and I soften into him. I let my arms float above me as he takes his time peeling off my shirt. He slides his hands from my neck, over my breasts, along my stomach, and when he gets to my pants, he unhooks them and pulls them off, along with my heels. When he removes his pants, he lies down next to me, and I wrap my leg around his hip as we are face to face.

We move slowly as we reclaim each other after being apart for these past two months. Our hands explore, and I relax into the heat of his body. I feel the peace that had been missing since I left him return to my heart, and I’m whole under his touch.

Ryan unhooks my bra and drops it to the floor with the rest of our clothing. He trails his lips over my sensitive flesh and licks my nipple with his hot tongue before covering it with his mouth, sucking gently. My head rolls back into the pillow as my body lifts and presses into his, needing more. When he reaches down and drags his hand between my legs, feeling what he does to me when we’re together, I release a moan. His touches are intimate and exactly what I need right now.

Shifting between my legs and running his hands up my knees and down along my inner thighs, he looks down at me, “God, you’re so beautiful.” I reach up and bring him to me, melding my mouth with his. When I feel him enter me, he parts my lips with his tongue and licks slow and deep, freely exploring each other’s mouths. My arms wrap around his neck as his hips roll over me, pushing himself deeper inside. Our breaths are labored, and our moans fill the room.

He rolls us over, and I’m spread across his lap as he sits up to keep our bodies close. He wraps his hands around my shoulders as I slowly begin to roll my hips into him. We take our time with each other. I love that Ryan can be this way with me, open and vulnerable, never rushing. He’s the only one who can make me feel so safe when I bare my entire self; he’s the only one I want to.

With one of his hands on my hip, guiding me, and the other on my cheek, I wrap mine behind his head and weave my fingers into his unruly hair as my body begins to climb.

He doesn’t even need to ask as we look into each other’s eyes. I know he likes to watch me. My body begins to quiver beneath his hands as my hips rock into him, and I grip his hair in my fists. “Let go, baby.” I drop my forehead to his as his blue eyes pierce mine, and I fall apart in his arms. A carnal moan escapes the both of us as he pushes himself deep inside of me and finds his release too, gripping his fingers tightly onto my body.