Don't Let Go(66)

Oh, God, I’d forgotten about my mother. Evidently someone had called her. By the look on Noah’s face, it certainly wasn’t him. And the look on her face as her eyes landed on the baby made my skin go cold.
“No,” I said, instinctively wanting to shield him. From her, from me, from all that was about to go down. He wasn’t going to know me. Oh, my God, he would never know me. What the hell did I do?
“What are you doing?” she said, looking at Courtney. “I had instructions not to—”
“Mom, no!” I croaked. “I need to see him!”
“Let her hold him,” Noah said then, his tone different. Wary. Protective.
Courtney looked from Noah to my mother, but not back to me. “I’m not supposed—”
“You weren’t supposed to even do this,” my mother said, rounding the end of the bed. “It’s cruel.”
“I’m sorry,” Courtney said, backing up with the baby. “She just wanted to see him.”
“Let. Her. Hold him,” Noah repeated, his voice strong in the room. “She’s his mother. I’m his father. Let me hold him.” I tore my eyes away from my son to focus on Noah’s face. His eyes were narrowed on my mother. “You weren’t invited in here.”
“Noah,” I said.
“This isn’t your business,” he continued. “This is our family.” He turned back to Courtney, who was slowly walking back to the doctor and nurse, cooing at our crying infant. “Why can’t we hold him?” Noah stepped in front of her, holding out his arms to take him.
“Because he isn’t yours,” my mother said.
Noah started as if he’d been slapped. “What?”
“No!” I cried. “Mom, look at him!”
“What do you mean, he’s not mine?” Noah said, his voice clipped.
Mom ignored him, looking away from his glare. “Julianna—that doesn’t help anyone.”
“Look at him!” I screamed.
Reluctantly, she blinked rapidly and turned to peer upon my son. Her grandson. Her family. Slowly, the hand that held the mask to her face lowered, and I saw the quivering in her mouth. I saw her eyes fill. I saw it. There was hope. She’d fix it. She’d tear up the—
“He’s beautiful,” she said, her voice uncharacteristically unsteady. Slowly, she turned back to me and whisked tears off her cheeks before they could render her weak. “He’s a beautiful boy, sweetheart. You gave him life. Now it’s time to say good-bye.”
“The hell it is!” Noah said, spurred into motion. “That’s our son.”
“No!” I cried again as the other nurse opened the door and Courtney walked through it. She looked over her shoulder before she disappeared, compassion filling her eyes. “No, wait!” I couldn’t catch my breath, it was coming in gasps.
Noah surged toward the door and the doctor blocked him, holding him in a full body hold as Noah turned into a charging bull.
“You can’t take my son!” he screamed, his voice hoarse and tinged with panic. “What the hell are you people doing?”
“I changed my mind—Mom, I changed my mind. Go fix this. Tear it up. Tell them it’s off, we’re gonna—”
“Changed your mind?” Noah said, spinning around as if he’d been shot. “Changed your mind about what? Tear up what?” He was shaking his head in disbelief, and my mouth couldn’t form the words. “I didn’t sign anything,” he said slowly.
“You’re not of age,” Mom said.
He stared at her for a long moment before dragging tortured eyes back to me. “We talked about this, Jules. We—we—settled this.” The shock and realization and horror settled into his face, looking exactly like I felt. “What did you do?”


Chapter 17

Everything I ever thought I would say left me. All the words. All the justifications. He would never know me. And he didn’t. The last time I’d seen him he hadn’t seen me—his eyes weren’t even open yet. Now a man stood before me.
My son smiled nervously down into my face, as he would any other stranger he just met.
I did that.
Noah was somewhere behind me, I could feel him. His presence was powerful back there, like he was waiting to catch me again. Ever available to be my rescuer. But the face I’d seen when I walked in didn’t look powerful. He looked like I imagined I did.
I wanted to hug this beautiful man-child in front of me, but I found myself stuck. Did I have that right? Was he a hugger? Would he stiffen and recoil if I did?
Instead, I stood there awkwardly, trying to stem the new tears that insisted on pushing forward, and I reached out with one hand. Touched his arm. He was real and solid and something about that released everything.
Fat tears rolled down my face as I laughed and cried at the same time. “It’s so good to see you again,” I managed to say.
Seth smiled and took my hand in both of his. “It’s good to finally meet you.”
Yeah. Well, there was that.
“How did you—how are you here?” I asked, hoping he wouldn’t let go. I was holding my son’s hand, and every possible nerve in my body was aware of it. Holding his hand for the first time.
Seth turned to Johnny Mack and smiled again before looking back at me. “Mr. Ryan looked me up.”
I glanced at Johnny Mack, who met my eyes for just that one second before blinking away. He looked him up. I have real grandchildren to get to know. My blood. Ah. Got it. How cute.