Don't Let Go(69)

My chest burned hearing those words. I loved you, too. Every day. “I’m so glad to know that,” I whispered. “I can tell they did a fantastic job with you.”
“And they were always honest with me. With me and my little brother. They adopted Shon three years after me. They told us even when we were little that we came from other mommies’ tummies,” he said with a smile. “And you showed me a picture of that.”
Before I could stop myself, I reached out and touched his cheek, rough in one spot where a razor missed and very different from the velvetiness of the last time I’d done that. To his credit, he didn’t flinch or pull away.
“So tell us about you,” I said, needing to lighten the heaviness of the room.
“I’m boring,” he said on a chuckle, relieving some of the tension. “Seriously.” He pointed at me and Noah simultaneously. “Business owner with a crazy mom—no offense.”
“None taken,” I said with a laugh and little head bow. I had to laugh. What else could I do?
“—and a Navy SEAL?” he continued. “My life is very sedate compared to yours.”
“How’d you know all that?” Noah asked.
“Mr. Ryan told me,” Seth said. “Well—you added the crazy mother part.”
“Glad to fill in the blanks,” I said.
“So, what do you do, Seth?” Shayna asked, speaking for what I realized was the first time since we’d arrived. She still wore that look of hers. The one that made her appear not totally in the room with us.
“I’m a police officer,” he said. “Just made detective, actually,” he added with a smile that lit up his face. “Youngest in my precinct.”
“Sedate?” I reached over and patted his hand. “I don’t think so! That’s amazing, Seth, congratulations!”
Noah crossed the room, beaming, holding out a hand as Seth got up on instinct. “That’s awesome,” Noah said, gripping Seth’s hand in that manly thing guys do. “You should be so proud. Your parents—” He faltered, and I saw the struggle in his eyes. “They must be over the moon.”
Seth smiled and glanced back at me as if to gauge his words. I forced any sadness from my face—he didn’t need that burden. I wanted him to feel free to say anything and not feel awkward.
“They are,” he said. “My mom threw a big block party and forced all her neighbors to bring food. Even got her pastor to come over and bless me.”
I laughed. “Sounds like something my Nana Mae would do—Nana Mae!” I sucked in a breath and looked at Noah as if he could possibly understand me. “Oh, my grandmother has to meet you!”
“Your grandmother is still alive?” Seth asked.
“Yes, I’m not that ancient, thank you,” I said with a wink when he reddened. “And Nana Mae is eternal. She will love you.” My breath caught in my throat. “And Becca, my daughter.”
It was my turn to look at him with apology in my eyes. How do you look into the eyes of a child you gave away and tell him you kept the next one? He blinked a few times, and I would have given anything to be in his head, viewing those thoughts. Or then again, maybe not.
“I was going to ask if you had any other kids—if I had any siblings,” he said finally. “Wasn’t sure how to bring that up.”
“You bring up anything you want,” I said. “Coming here like this—that’s a pretty brave thing, baby. Even for a grown, big badass police detective.” Seth laughed and I focused on the smile in his eyes instead of Noah’s right behind him. Seth’s were safer. “There are no taboo questions. Nothing off-limits.”
“Okay,” he said.
I took a deep breath and stood up so we were all on the same level. “You have a sister—a half sister. She’s seventeen going on thirty, and her name is Becca.”
“Sounds like fun,” he said.
“Everyone should be tortured with teenagers at some point,” I said.
“Oh, I get that,” Seth said. “I see more than I want of teenage drama in my job. Or I did as a beat cop, anyway.”
Seth glanced to Noah, and I saw the hollowness enter Noah’s eyes as he tried to fill it with Shayna. He put an arm around her and pulled her to him. “I never had any other kids,” he said. His eyes met mine instead of Seth’s. “But Shayna and I have one on the way now.”
I swallowed hard as Seth congratulated them and hugged Shayna. That was my life now. How it was going to be for a friggin’ eternity. I almost wished Patrick was back next to me so I could introduce him as my boy-toy and get the edge back.
Wow, that was mature.
“So, who do I meet next?” Seth asked, bringing me back. “Or what is next?”
I smiled. “This is your show. What do you want to do?”
“I have no idea,” he said with a boyish grin that made him look much less grown up. He held his hands out wide. “Honestly, I’m winging this. And that is so far outside my box, you have no idea.”
I raised an eyebrow. “A planner, are you?”
“To the core.”
I laughed and moved before I could think about it. “You come by that honestly,” I said as I hugged him.
His hesitance made me freeze and pull away. “I’m sorry,” I said.
Maybe he wasn’t a hugger. Maybe he wasn’t a demonstrative person. Maybe he wasn’t that comfortable with meeting his parents yet—No. I had to stop that train, cold. We weren’t his parents. We gave him life, but his parents raised him.