Don't Let Go(64)

Everything? I sincerely doubted that. She wouldn’t have been holding my hand if she had. She’d be breaking my fingers.
“Thank you, it’s—it’s all okay now.” Which was a lie. Nothing was okay. Things might very well never be okay again.
Shayna reached back for Noah and pulled him from where he’d taken root in the concrete. I saw him shove his hands into his leather jacket pockets.
“Noah said you were really upset, Jules, I’m so sorry I told you like that. I didn’t know—”
I was already shaking my head. “No, no, not at all, Shayna, you didn’t do anything. And thanks to you I have pictures now.” I smiled at her. “It was a rough day, yes. But something very precious came out of it.” I pressed a hand against my stomach and held my chin up. “It’s a day I’ll never forget.”
I heard a sharp exhale come from him, and he coughed to cover it. “I’m going in, Shayna,” he said, his voice sounding tired. Like maybe he didn’t sleep either. “Glad you’re feeling better, Jules.”
At my name, my gaze shot up to meet his. In that one second, he faltered. I saw the rawness of our connection before the walls came back and locked into place. I blinked and jerked my eyes away.
And saw Shayna staring at him, her eyebrows slightly pulled together like she was studying a painting.
“Y’all have a good day,” I said quickly, turning to unlock my door before anyone could study anyone. “Shit,” I whispered under my breath as I pulled the door open and slipped inside.
The quiet darkness enveloped me, and I let it. I walked farther into the dark of the store, away from the invasive light of the windows, and sank into a soft chair. I’d forgotten how much I loved that—getting there before Ruthie and just soaking up the quiet. I’d let her open up for—I didn’t even know how long it had been. It was never an official decision, it just sort of became the norm.
I felt it, the heaviness of the days. The strength of will I was going to have to muster. I should have never let myself go there with Noah. God, what was I thinking? There was no ignoring him now. Just seeing him on the sidewalk had made my knees weak. How the hell was I supposed to go about daily life?
The door jingled, making me sit up.
“Jules?” Ruthie’s voice called out. She sounded wary and a little concerned.
“I’m here,” I said, swiping under my eyes as lights started powering up. I hadn’t even realized I’d teared up, but hell, of course I had. That’s all I did anymore.
I knew I had some hell to pay with her, too. I’d left to bring books to the library on Saturday and never came back, never checked on her chair, leaving her with cryptic texts that I was okay but out till Monday. She was going to string me up. And not for taking a day off.
“You’re here early,” she said, rounding a bookshelf to find me. “And what the hell is up?”
I laughed. “Oh—so much to tell you, so few days left in the year.”
“Summarize,” she said, a hand on one hip.
“My mother was the Antichrist, she hid photos of my son right under my nose, gave them to Johnny Mack in a secret alliance, his name is Seth, Becca knows about him now, Shayna and Noah are only together because she’s pregnant, and I nearly slept with him.”
I saw her eyebrows raise. “Holy f*ck. All that in two days?”
“One,” I said, rubbing my temples. “Yesterday was a recovery day.”
“Jesus, how do you nearly sleep—”
Her words were cut off by the door jingling again, and we both leaned over to tell whoever it was that we weren’t open yet. But it wasn’t a customer.
“I’m sorry,” Shayna said, rapping her knuckles on the open door for additional warning.
I was on my feet in an instant. “No problem, what’s up?”
“You—need to come over there,” she said, pointing at the wall between the diner and me. Her face was as white as a sheet, and her eyes looked glassy, even though she smiled. “To the diner. You need to come with me.”
I frowned and little alarm bells went off in my head. Was it a showdown? Did she know? Or was it something else? Something about her expression was very, very off.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, already walking forward.
“Just—” She turned and held open the door.
“Shayna, what’s the matter?” I said, cold fear creeping up my legs.
Ruthie linked an arm with mine and walked out with me, probably getting the same sense of not-right. We followed Shayna, watching her take a deep breath as she pulled open the diner door for us.
Ruthie held my arm tighter as we entered, ever the protective one. But I searched Shayna’s face as we passed her. Looking for signs of what we were walking into so I could layer up more walls. I steeled myself for Noah, knowing at the very least he’d be part of the equation, but I didn’t see him right away. Customers were milling, but that was it. Not even Johnny Mack or Linny was in sight. I frowned and looked back at Shayna.
“What’s going on?”
“In the back,” she said.
“In the back?” I echoed, my feet halting of their own volition. I hadn’t been behind the kitchen since before Noah left town. “I don’t go in the back, Shayna.”
Undeterred, she walked past me and grabbed my hand, dragging me behind her.
“What the hell?” Ruthie muttered, balking, but I tightened my grip on her. Wherever I was going, she was coming too.
Shayna pulled us through the kitchen to a back hallway, where I knew a break room similar to mine existed. Next to the office. She pushed open a door that wasn’t completely closed, and I heard voices. Laughing voices, and Linny sniffling. Johnny Mack’s wheezy guffaw.