Carnage: Book #1 The Story Of Us (Volume 1)(96)

“I can’t,” I whisper, my voice barely audible.

“Why G, why can’t ya, I need to see them, I need to look into them, to see us, when I look into your eyes, I want to be able to see you and me and I need to know that we’re still us, Sean and Georgia. Are we, are we still us G?” Very slowly I open my eyes, hoping for heaven, fearing all that I will get is hell but they’re there, those dark brown eyes with their flecks of gold, my very own personal piece of heaven is staring right back at me.

“There’s my girl.” He smiles that lazy lopsided grin down at me and I whimper. He’s so much taller than I remember, not as tall as Cam but he must be well over six foot now. “Can I kiss ya G, I want to kiss you. I need to kiss you G. Can I?”

I nod my head, which was at that precise moment not attached to my shoulders and was instead spinning off somewhere in the stratosphere and before I can think any more, his mouth is on me, soft and gentle at first, his tongue dancing with mine, gently, then deeper, tasting me, his lips harder on mine, he groans, I groan. He reaches behind me and takes the wine from my hands but doesn’t stop kissing me, he wraps his arms around me and the bottles clang together, reminding me that this is all real. He’s here, I’m here, we’re kissing, we’re here, together, Sean and Georgia; we finally stop kissing but stand with our mouths together, just leaning into each other, mouth to mouth, while we look into each other’s eyes, he has tears rolling down his cheeks and I realise that I do too; I reach up and touch his face.

“God, Gia, I’ve missed you so f*cking much.”

“You never came back for me Sean, you just let me go. You didn’t fight for me.”

He frowned and lent away from me, then put the bottles down on the hall table; he turned and looked back at me, his eyebrows drawn together. “Georgia, I came to your Mum’s but they wouldn’t let me see you, so I sat outside the house in my car, all day, all night but then I had to go back on tour, so I called you, all day, every day, for weeks I called and I wrote and wrote, I sent letter after letter. I sent you the songs that I wrote for you, I wrote down every thought and feeling that I had for almost a year, I made videos of the songs so you could hear them, I sent it all to you G.”

I can’t believe what I’m hearing, to the point where I’m shaking my head. “No, no, where, where did they go?” I think I’m going to be sick. “Where did you send them? You must have got the wrong address.”

Which was a ridiculous notion; he had spent more time at my house growing up than he ever had at his own house. He knew my address better than his own. Absolute panic is rolling in my belly, is he lying to me? Just when I suddenly had hope that he was here, with his arms around me, was he going to lie, was I going to lose it all again? He looks as devastated as I feel. “You sent them back?” But he’s shaking his head; it’s a question, not a statement.

“No, no Sean, never, I never got them, I never saw them so how could I send them back?” I’m shaking so hard that I can hardly control my jaw.

“They came back, unopened, with a note, saying, please don’t contact me again. All of it came back, the letters, the cards and poems, the videos, it all came back Georgia, you said you could never forgive me and to stay away.” He’s pulling at his own hair and sobbing as he speaks. “I wanted to die; I’ve wanted to die, every f*cking day since. Every day, I’ve thought about it, dying, instead of living with this pain.”

He punches himself hard in the chest, into his heart as he speaks through gritted teeth. “I just wanted a chance G, just one f*cking chance to explain, to say sorry, to tell ya, that, it’s you, it’s always been you, it will, only, ever, be you.”