Carnage: Book #1 The Story Of Us (Volume 1)(72)

My Mum twirls my hair in her fingers and I think of Cam, Sean, Cam, Sean, Cam, it’s making me bloody dizzy, still better than just being stuck on Sean, Sean, Sean all the time. “But in saying all that,” my Mum continues, “I don’t want you and Sean getting back together if he’s going to carry on the way he is and for you to just accept it. I bought you up better than that George, I know that the money and the power that goes hand in hand with what your Dad does attracts women, women that would give and do anything to be in my place and I’m not stupid, I’m sure that there have been times that your Dad has strayed but he’s never done it openly or blatantly. I’ve never heard so much as a whisper of him ever being unfaithful and it’s still my bed he comes home to every night but I don’t know if Sean is capable of that, I don’t doubt he loves you George, I think he loves you with a passion beyond reason but I don’t know if he’s strong enough to resist all the temptation that’s put in his way, and I wouldn’t want to see you go through that.”

I let out a big long sigh, I’ve been so busy these last four years, concentrating on shutting everyone out, avoiding any kind of emotions, trying to just survive each and every painful day, that I have failed to notice the effect all of this has had on the people that care about me. I love my parents and hate the fact that I am causing them so much worry. “Mum, I have no plans to get back with Sean.”

As much as I would love to. “I’d never be with him knowing he was shagging about, it would kill me, like you say, you’ve bought me up to be better than that. I hope that one day, I will be able to find someone that will love and take care of me but I will always have to be honest and up front with them, they will have to know from the very beginning that I will only ever love Sean, I can’t change that, it is what it is. Please don’t worry about me and you’re right in what you said about this little episode, it needed to happen, it should’ve happened four years ago but it’s happened now, I’ve finally managed to shed some tears over it and I am ready to move on, I’m ready to listen to music again.” I smile at her.

“Hmmm, well that will be a feat in itself George, every other song seems to be one of the bands and most of them are about you.”

WHAT??

“What dya mean they’re about me?”

“Well they aren’t called ‘This Song Is About Georgia’ but seeing as Sean writes most of them and I know him like I know my own children, I know they’re about you. When you’re feeling ready, listen to some of their music, listen to the words and you’ll understand, especially I got it wrong and the other one, the one they got all the awards for.” I shrug, I have no idea, I know nothing of the band and their achievements, other than that they are now very famous.

“With me… it’s called ‘With me’ George, it’s one of the few ballads they sing, it’s beautiful, Sean’s voice…” she trails off. “Anyway, when you’re ready, give them a listen.”

My head is spinning by the time my Mum drops me home with orders to take the rest of the week off and to have a quiet weekend. The first thing I plan on doing is confronting Cam, I have had this horrible little thought going around in my head and before I decide where my feelings are going with this man, I need to find out if he’s just playing a game. Is he using me to get at my Dad? Is he trying to find out my secrets so that he can use them as leverage in some way?

I change into a pair of jeans and my Chucks that I bought in America on a business trip with my Mum, she hates them, and I love them and the fact that no one else wears them. I pull on a sweatshirt as it’s a bit cold outside and put a bit of makeup on, a whole morning of not crying has improved my puffy eyes but my face is still a bit blotchy.