Carnage: Book #1 The Story Of Us (Volume 1)(68)

“He’ll go in and see the rents first, skin up Bails.” Lennon stated, yeah I thought, skin up Bails, talking to my brother again after almost four years would be so much easier to do stoned, I actually giggled to myself as I thought this.

Jimmie looked at me and smiled. “You mashed Georgia?”

I giggle again. “Fuck Jamie, I think I am.”

We lean into each other like we used to back in the day, the door to the studio swings open and in walks Marley, Sean, and two girls. My world stops turning and without any hesitation, consideration or thought of any kind I just look at him and say on a sob. “No, oh God no.”

“Fuck Gia.” He starts to move toward me.

“Get out!” Bailey roars at him.

“Georgia!” he calls out.

“Get the f*ck out Maca!”

“No Bails, let me talk to her, G, please, can we talk G, and I just wanna talk.” I don’t know what to do; my eyes just roam over his face, his eyes, his nose, his chin, his beautiful face that I have missed so much, so very much.

“What do you wanna do George, shall I f*ck him off out of it or dya wanna talk to him?” I take a few deep breaths, trying to steady my voice before I ask him to stay.

“Who the f*ck’s she Maca?” The girl standing just inside the door asks, she’s short and blonde, with massive tits. Haley, she looks just like Haley, I can’t do this.

“Get out!” he shouts at the girl. “Get out, get out, get out!” She looks stunned but turns around and leaves, his eyes swing back to mine, pleadingly. “G, please baby, just talk to me, I miss you so much, so f*ckin’ much.”

“Go,” I whisper.

“No G, no, please, just five minutes, there’s so much I need to tell ya, I love you so much Gia.”

“Go Sean, go!” I scream. Bailey knocks me off his lap as he throws himself toward him.

“Get the f*ck out, you’ve hurt her enough, no more Maca, no f*ckin’ more, else I swear I will kill you with my bare hands you cunt.”

I stand up but the room spins so I sit, Jimmie is next to me on the sofa, she’s sobbing, Len and Bailey are trying to drag Sean out of the door but he’s fighting them and calling my name and there to the left is Marley, standing all alone and just sobbing and shaking his head and my heart try’s its very hardest to break into even more pieces but it’s packed so tightly together behind that wall, that try as it might, it’s held in place, still and hard by all those bricks. I want to cry, I want to go to Marley and tell him that I don’t blame him, I want to go to Sean and tell him its okay, I forgive him and I want to be with him. Instead I wrap my arms around myself and scream and scream at every one to go and then finally, after so very long, I cry, Jimmie holds me while I cry, then my Mum is there and I cry, there is so much commotion going on outside. I can hear my brothers shouting, I can hear my Dad shouting but above all, I can hear Sean shouting and calling out my name.

My Doctor said it needed to happen, that I had held things in for far too long and what happened over the next few days, needed to happen. Basically what I had was a bit of a breakdown; I spent a couple of days in my old room at my parents, doing nothing but cry, then another couple of days staring into space, finally on Thursday I got up and showered, I pulled on a pair of trackies and a sweatshirt that I had at my Mums and went downstairs. I looked a mess, I had barely eaten, my eyes were puffy and my face blotchy from all the crying but I actually felt okay. My Mum had given me a couple of Valium Sunday night and a couple more on Monday so those days had gone by in a blur. Jim had been and sat with me Tuesday; Ash came over for a while on Tuesday night. I’d asked my Mum if she would call Marley and ask him to come and see me on Monday but I hadn’t heard anything from him. I’d fallen asleep around ten o’clock after Ash had come over again on Wednesday and when I woke at about two in the morning, he was there, sitting in the chair next to my bed, watching me sleep.