Carnage: Book #1 The Story Of Us (Volume 1)(63)

“Well that’s a start at least. George look, I may be way out of line with this but I’ve gotta ask… This ain’t nothing to do with your brothers is it?”

My stomach is now doing a pirouette as well as back flips, how does he know that?

“They’ve never done anything, I mean, your brothers have never done anything, they’ve never touched you or anything have they?”

What?

“What, no, no, f*ck no, my brothers are my, I love my brothers. What the f*ck are you saying?”

“Every time I mention them, I mean, the younger two, you freak out, I thought it had something to do with them, I thought they’d done something to ya. I’m sorry if I’m wrong but I had to ask.”

“Fucking hell Cam, what sort of a family do you think I come from? What sort of person dya think I am? It’s nothing like that, nothing.”

“Then what for f*cks sake? I’m f*cking lost George, everything I say is wrong, everything I say sends you off somewhere, I lose you for a few seconds or you look like you’re about to hyperventilate and I have no idea what it is that I’ve said that has caused that.”

I feel terrible, I like him, I really do like him but I have no idea how far I’m willing to take this, if I’m willing to take this any further than a few dates and a few f*cks, I’m just a mess and he deserves better.

“It’s a bloke and I’m not over it, I’m not over him, I don’t know if I ever will be, no one else has ever come close. The others, Lee and the other nine I’ve strung along for the last six months were just…” I shrug and look around the room while I try to think of a word. “They were revenge, they were payback. They were me, trying to make myself feel better. They were me being a bad person.”

“And is that what this is? Is that what I am, revenge? You trying to make yourself feel better?”

“No!” I almost shout, because it’s not and I don’t want him to think that.

“No Cam, that’s the problem, I like you, you’re the first.” Fuck, I think I might actually cry, for the first time in four years, I think I might actually cry. I swallow it down. “You’re the first since him that has made me feel anything, the others were nothing, I felt nothing. But you, you’re different and I’m struggling, I’ve never let anyone one in, I’ve not allowed myself to feel, I’ve never even cried… since him, not once.”

He looks at me confused. “When was this, how long ago?”

“Almost four years.”

“You haven’t cried in four years?”

“No,” I say quietly and shake my head.

He comes around the breakfast bar and stands in front of where I’m sitting on the stool, he opens his legs, placing them either side of mine so that he can get closer and wraps his arms around me, pulling my head to his chest. “What the f*ck did he do to you baby girl, what did he do? I want you to know, I want to make it better.”

I tilt my head back so I can look at him. “Cam, I really do like you but you need to know, you need to understand.” I pause and shrug, trying to think of how to explain this. “There’s only him, it will always be him, there’s no room for anyone else, wherever we go with this, you need to understand that, my heart is sealed and there’s only him that’s locked inside.”

He closes his eyes for a split second too long, like what I’ve just said has called him physical pain. “But you don’t know me Georgia; you haven’t had a chance to get to know me. If you let me, I will blow your mind baby.”