Carnage: Book #1 The Story Of Us (Volume 1)(164)

Jimmie feels my head and agrees and as soon as the car starts to pull away I feel sick, we pull over and I throw up at the side of the road, my head is swimming and I feel really dizzy, we get back in the car and Sean pulls me into his lap. Marley has told the driver to head to the nearest hospital, Milo is in the front with him and gives him directions, luckily we had landed at City Airport so he knew the area.

Any woman that’s ever had a period will tell you that one of their biggest fears is leakage and in the ten minutes it had taken us to get from the airport to Newham General Hospital, I knew that I was bleeding, enough for it to have leaked through my underwear to my jeans and I just knew that I was losing my baby.

The limo pulled up outside accident and emergency and Milo jumped out, telling Sean to pass me out to him, but Sean wouldn’t let me go and instead struggled out of the car while still holding me. Len had run inside and grabbed a wheelchair, but Sean wouldn’t set me down in it. Marley had run ahead and was shouting for help and I was soon being whisked through to a bed behind a curtain, where Sean still held me, sitting down with me in his lap, pulled into his chest. I was shaking violently and could feel the beads of sweat forming on my top lip and as they trickled down my spine. I think I started to lose consciousness at that stage, I could feel Sean’s arms around me, I could hear him and others call my name, but I just couldn’t get back to them.

I don’t know if it’s seconds, minutes, hours or days when I next try to open my eyes and I’m not sure how long it is that I try, before sleep pulls me under again. Then suddenly, I’m wide awake, alert and aware that I’m in a hospital room. I gaze around; I have fluids dripping through a cannula in my left hand. Sean is in a chair next to my bed, he has my right hand in both of his and his head resting on our joint hands, my mouth is dry and my throat is sore, I have a belly ache, very similar to period pain. I lay still and stay silent for a few seconds and wonder what could have happened to me. I know that my baby’s gone, I just know and I start to sob at the thought. Sean is going to be devastated, he was so happy. I try to swallow down my sobs so that I don’t wake him, but fail, he lifts his head and his eyes come up to meet mine, he’s out of his chair and on the bed holding me in a second.

“I’m so sorry,” I sob and gulp in air as I speak.

“No, no, no, Gia baby, no, it’s not your fault.”

“What happened, what went wrong?” I ask him, we are lying side by side on my hospital bed, looking right at each other. Sean wipes his nose, then he covers his mouth, trying to hide a sob, he moves it away and blows out a breath slowly.

“It was an ectopic pregnancy.” His face crumbles, while he shakes his head and sobs. “I nearly lost you G. It had ruptured, and you were bleeding internally. You went into shock, I thought you was gonna die.” His shoulders shake as his sobs wrack through his body. I try to comfort him, but he just keeps sobbing and shaking his head. “I stayed in the hotel bar getting pissed and all the time you was bleeding internally, you could have died up in that hotel room, all on your own. I was so hung over on the flight; I didn’t even notice how sick you were. It was Sara the stewardess that said you hadn’t been feeling well. I let you down G, I f*cking let you down, I’m so, so sorry.”

I was numb, I had no idea what to say to him, so we just held each other and cried for a long while, eventually Sean went back to sleep, while I laid quietly and thought about what this meant. Could I still have children? What did they do when they operated? What did they take away? The door opened and a nurse walked in, I raised my fingers to my lips, asking her to keep quiet.