Beyond What is Given(94)

“He misses you. I’ve seen him, Sam. He’s the most stoic train wreck ever. Like…a statue of a train wreck? It’s really sad to watch.”

“It’s really sad to live. When you pushed Josh away, I thought you were quite possibly the stupidest girl I’ve ever known. He so obviously loved you, and you him. Am I being stupid? Should I have stayed?”

She sighed. “I don’t know. Our situations are completely different. If Josh had loved someone like that before me, and then she came back into his life?”

“I’d cut her down for you,” I promised.

Ember laughed. “I can do the same. I haven’t met this piece of perfection yet. I’m still allowed to hate her.”

Grace’s face came to mind, her open smile, easy laugh…and the way she’d looked like an extension of Grayson in his arms. “I can’t even hate her, Ember. She’s lovely, and sweet, and did nothing to deserve any of this.”

“Neither did you.” Ember lifted her head and turned to face me. “Sam, you didn’t do anything to deserve this pain. This isn’t because of what happened with Harrison. It’s not some crazy fated retribution. What you’re suffering is far beyond anything Karma could give you.”

“I’m not so sure about that,” I said quietly.

“Well, I am, so I can believe it enough for both of us until you do, too.”

Josh jogged toward us, and I pulled my shit together. “Is he here yet?”

“No. He had an errand to run or something. You going to be okay?” he asked, pulling Ember into his side. They couldn’t be in the same airspace without touching.

“Yeah, of course. We’re here for Jagger, so let’s rock this.” I shoved the pain back deep into the box I’d kept it in for the last couple of weeks. It was safe there, contained.

We made our way up to the pier and took our designated spots behind the railing. Each of us had one of the large crates to open when signaled. I studied mine, determined not to screw this up.

“It’s this lever here,” a lanky girl with enormous sunglasses said, sitting beside me. “Twist there, and pull.”

“Thanks,” I answered with a smile. There was something about the shape of the girl’s face that reminded me of someone.

“Hi, I’m Anna Mansfield…Bateman…it’s complicated.” She flashed me a closed-lip smile and thrust her hand out to be shaken.

“Oh wow!” I said, shaking her hand. “You’re Jagger’s sister, right? I’m Sam Fitzgerald. I’ve known him for a few years, since we used to live next door in Colorado. I have to admit, I’ve been so curious to meet you.”

She studied me from behind the glasses. “Well, I’m Jagger’s twin, and I’m only here as a weekend pass from rehab. I’m a big fan of drugs, but they are not such a fan of me, it turns out.” She sighed. “Sorry, it’s easier to say it than have people whisper your dirty little secrets, you know?”

I didn’t bat an eye. “I slept with my professor, found out he was married, clocked him in front of a crowd, and was expelled from my university.”

“Did it feel good to hit him?”

“Yes.”

She laughed. “I like you.”

“Likewise,” I answered.

“They’re here!” Josh stage-whispered and we all hit the deck, leaning our backs against the railing.

“Ember, Mrs. Donovan, you’re on the banner, right?”

“Joshua Walker, we’ve gone over this fifteen times. I know when to release it. Mrs. Donovan knows when to release it. I swear, you’d think you were the one proposing.” She pursed her lips at him.

“Was that an invitation? Because I’d marry you so hard.” He smiled at her, and she laughed.

“Pay attention to your birds,” she chastised, but flashed him a grin.

I looked at the lever in front of me. “Lift and pull,” I repeated, fingering the latch.

“It’s this one here. Slide it over, then lift up and pull it out.” His voice washed over me, and my chest burned, trying to keep a lid on that damned box of feelings.

Slowly, I raised my eyes past his light-blue board shorts and tight white tee with Masters & Son emblazoned on the front until I reached his eyes. My breath abandoned me.

“Can you do it?” he asked softly, despite the hardest expression I’d ever seen on his face. It was like he’d been carved out of stone, each line stiff, unyielding. But his eyes locked on to mine, and he was there, my Grayson. Lightning arced between us as if he’d touched me. God, I needed him to touch me. Kiss me. Remind me why love was worth the gamble even when the outcome had already been determined. My lips parted, and his gazed dropped to them and then lifted to my eyes. Raw hunger radiated from him, the kind that used to end with me pushed against the nearest flat surface.

My pulse jumped, remembering his hands on me, his tongue worshiping me. The way he gasped my name when I ran my lips down his stomach. My body hummed.

“The birds,” he whispered. “Do you have the lever?”

How the hell was he speaking? I nodded my head wordlessly, and he gave me a curt nod of his own before moving down the line.

“Holy shit, I may need a cigarette after all that eye sex,” Anna said, fanning herself. “You two always like that?”