Beyond What is Given(93)

“Yep,” she popped the P. “He brings it to every class.”

“Okay, well, I’m done here. You good with your homework?” I stood in a hurry.

“Yeah, I think I’m getting it.”

“Sounds good!” I said and nearly ran to the front entrance, throwing open the glass door with more energy than I’d had in the last four days.

Grady stood two cars over, digging through his backpack, muttering about his car keys. Perfect. I snuck over, quiet as I could be, until I was only a foot away from his back.

“Hiya, Grady!” I squeaked.

He jumped, losing the grip on his backpack. It hit the pavement, spilling open. Dozens of pencils rolled under the car.

“Oh, I’m so sorry! Let me help you with these.” I picked up all the pencils but pocketed one without him noticing. “You like pencils, huh?”

“No problem, Miss Samantha. And…uh…yeah.” He stood, his face flushed, and damn-near raced to get in his car.

Once he had peeled out of the parking lot, I skipped back into the gym. “What are you doing back?” Avery asked.

I leaned over the front of the counter and grabbed the fine-tip permanent marker. A few seconds later, I’d scribed the word Homecoming? along the shaft. “Give this to him when he asks for a pencil tomorrow.”

She took the pencil and scoffed. “Yeah, right.”

“Woman to woman, trust me. You’re not his office supply store.”

A faint hope sparked in her eyes, and I smiled. First love was so freeing, like the first wing beats of a baby bird on its fall from the nest.

It was the messy, quasi-adult kind of love that plucked your feathers until you fell from the sky.

I headed out, this time grabbing my keys, and nearly ran into Josh as he opened the door. “Hey!”

“Hey, Sam.” He assessed me, no doubt looking for the tell-tale signs of heartache like puffy eyes, dark circles, generally unkempt hair. I was rocking all three. “You been okay?”

I nodded. No. “Yeah, of course. Morgan is actually a ton of fun. Thank you for getting me out of there so quickly the other day. I didn’t know you could move furniture that fast.”

“I’m a man of many talents.”

“So I’ve heard.” I smacked myself in the forehead. “That was so wildly inappropriate. I’m sorry.”

He laughed. “I’ll be sure to tell Ember.” His smile fell. “Seriously though. You’re okay?”

My smile fell. “How is he?”

“He’s got a wall up.”

“Go figure. It’s not like I expected him to break out the ice cream and pour his heart out to you guys.”

“Yeah, I don’t see that happening. Ever.”

“He hasn’t guessed I’m at Paisley’s, so there’s that. Not that I’m hiding from him, but I don’t think I could handle seeing him. Not yet.”

Josh rubbed his hand along my arm. “Sam, he knows. Jagger told him. It was in the same conversation that he called him an idiot, stubborn, stupid, and an *.”

“Oh. He knows? But he hasn’t…” Tried to see me.

Josh swallowed. “Yeah. He said something about no fight without faith, and then went for a run. A ten-mile run. In the rain.”

I forced a smile to keep from crying. “Well, I guess that settles that.”

“Sam—”

I stepped around him, craving the solitude of my car. “Don’t worry, Josh. It’s what I wanted. What I asked for.” It just feels like shit. “I’ll catch you later.”

I didn’t break down until I was behind the wheel.

Have a little faith in me. That hurt. How could he think I didn’t?

I had ultimate faith in him. That was the problem. He’d commit to me, and mean it. He’d stay by my side with unwavering loyalty…while his heart died a slow, painful death pining for his miracle.

I’d never stand by and watch that happen.

He deserved better. So did I.



The ocean breeze ruffled the spiral curls I’d worn my hair in today as I leaned against my car, staring at the pier I needed to be on in exactly ten minutes.

He said yes! I held onto that last text Avery sent me yesterday as my happy thought. Now I just needed some fairy dust, and maybe a new heart. Yeah, that might help.

“You going to be okay?” Ember asked as she leaned next to me.

“Yeah. I mean, we’re here for Jagger, right? This isn’t about me.” Or my stupid broken heart.

She looped her arm around my shoulder and rested her head against mine. “I think you’re really amazing, do you know that?”

“You’re my best friend. You’re morally obligated to say crap like that.” But it still felt good to hear.

“No, I’m not. Have you seen him yet?”

I shook my head. It had been two weeks, two days, and—I checked my watch—twenty-three hours. Eleven weeks until he would graduate. “I feel numb inside. Do you think that’s going to go away?”

“Yes,” she answered as we watched Josh carry the last of the giant boxes up onto the pier. “And I think when it does, you’ll want it back.”

“I miss everything about him.”