Beholden (The Belonging Duet, #2)(49)
She sighs and gives me a few moments. “I’m in no way defending him, because honestly I hate him right now and I never thought that would happen. I’ve always been on your side. But I really thought Jackson was the one for you. Knowing all your issues with abandonment and trust, maybe he was afraid if he told you, you’d run. Instead he pretty much guaranteed that you’d be pushed to run.”
“Right, and by keeping his marriage a secret he obliterated any trust I had in him.” I clutch my pillow to my chest. It hurts so much talking about this. I can’t believe we’re back here again. “Unless there’s something more behind all of this like he’s still in love with her. It makes no sense.”
Ashton shrugs. “I can tell you he was frantic. He was hysterical on the phone trying to find you. Mark called me too. He said Jackson is a f*cking moron and f*cked it up.”
The half laugh escapes me at Mark’s assessment. “Yeah, I’d agree with him on both. But, Ash, he didn’t tell me either. You know that’s the other part I feel sick over. I was in that hospital for how long with his mom and Mark and no one ever mentioned it. Which leads me to believe they knew he didn’t want me to know.”
She sighs and squeezes my hand. “I don’t know. I really don’t. He had to know at some point you’d find out. You going to work?”
“I’m up. I might as well. I gave Taylor the day off, but I’m going to have to figure out how the hell to handle this f*cking account. We have less than a month left in this contract, but I’m not sure I can work side-by-side with him.” I stand up and pull the dress from last night up off the floor.
“Don’t you dare let him win. You go into work and you handle him. Are you going to be okay?”
I wish it were that simple. I wish I had the courage to go in there and pretend seeing him doesn’t hurt. That hearing his voice doesn’t make me ache … but it does. He’s a part of me—far more than Neil ever was. Jackson was everything to me. I wanted to stand beside him, love him, give myself to him, and in a way I did.
“I’ll do what I always do—survive.”
A small smile paints Ashton’s face and she scoots closer. “I’m really sorry. I think we should buy an island and stick these f*ckers on it and pick them off one by one.”
“Survivor for men,” I chuckle. “There are so many things I’m upset over, but the biggest is he knew. He knew, Ash. I told him what I could handle.” I run my hands through my hair. “I was crystal f*cking clear and we spent countless nights together.”
“He never even brought anything up?”
“All I can think is there were these tiny moments I felt like he was keeping something. Small things that didn’t really add up, but I have a tendency to overthink things, so I was giving him the benefit of the doubt.”
She sighs and wraps her arm around my shoulder. “Are you going to hear him out?”
“He owes me answers, that’s for sure, but right now I don’t want to see his face.”
“I get that. I think you’re justified in a few punches to the junk.”
We both snicker. “I have to get ready.” I kiss her cheek and head into the bathroom.
“You’ll always have me!” she calls out.
“Oh, how lucky I am.”
“Damn right you are,” I hear her say as the door closes to my bedroom.
I take my time getting ready and put on a pink shift dress and white sandals. When I head out to the living room, Ashton’s keys are gone and there’s a note letting me know she wasn’t planning to come home, but if I need her, to call and she’ll be here. I love that girl.
Once in my office, I sit in my chair and look out the window, thinking about the mess my life has become once again. It’s a constant battle. And it’s exhausting and I’m tired of treading water—I want to float for a while. I ponder if this is what I need. Time alone—again. I look out and my mind drifts to Jackson. My heart clenches as my mind allows me to see him again right before I left him. I see the way his eyes held sorrow and he was desperate for me to listen to him. The pain we both were suffering in that moment. I replay it all as a tear drifts down my cheek.
“Catherine.”
I spin in my chair as I turn to see my boss standing there. “Mr. Cartright. I thought you were away.” I quickly swipe the tear and stand up as he enters the office.
“One day you’ll remember to stop with the ‘Mr.’ bullshit.” He slaps his hand on the doorframe and his face falls. “Meet us in the conference room in five.”
“Yes, sir.”
Without another word he strides out of the office.
Fuck my life.
Did he see me stumble on camera? Does he know I left the party early? Did Jackson call and complain? He sure as hell didn’t look happy to call me into the conference room. I grab my compact and fix my face as best as I can and head down the hall.
“Good luck, Cat,” I hear Elle’s shrill voice say as I pass her desk.
“Thanks.” I smile and keep walking. I don’t have enough patience for a verbal chess match with her today.
The conference room hosts the three partners of CJJ, the head of human resources, and the director of client relations. Well, this doesn’t feel promising. My stomach rolls as the fear starts to travel through my body. Keep calm, I try to tell myself, but no one is smiling. I clear my throat and enter as they look up.