Beholden (The Belonging Duet, #2)(53)

I miss him so much it hurts.

Some days I want to cry, scream, fight, and run back to him. But I’ve allowed myself to be happy about where my life is going. I got the promotion I wanted and it’s better than I originally thought.

I was an open book. I told him about Neil, my father, Piper … hell, everything I could, but he kept his secrets. That’s not the love I want. The love I want is kind, honest, patient … not deceitful and hurtful. I know in my heart Jackson is nothing like Neil, but I can’t help but draw the comparisons here.

“People make mistakes, mistakes don’t make the people.” Taylor pauses at my desk putting the card in her pocket. “If he didn’t love you, or still think of you, none of these would be here.” She looks around the room at the various flowers, the game of Battleship, the lighthouse statue, and the letters that sit on my desk.

My heart accelerates as I look at each item silently taunting me, reminding me of the good times we shared. Why can’t he just go away? Why can’t he let me go? He did this. He severed all the trust I had. Ripped me to shreds and now I’ve had enough.

Taylor waits expectantly and I grow angry. “So I go back to him and say what? ‘Oh, by the way, I’m moving to California.’” I pause trying to rein in the sudden burst of emotion. “No, I’m leaving. I’m getting a fresh start, a second chance. I’m happy about this job and the move,” I stubbornly insist and turn in my chair.

“Yeah, you’re probably right. Let some other girl have a shot with a guy like him,” she rebukes and sits in the chair with her arms crossed over her chest. “I mean, hell, if things don’t work out with Quinn, maybe I’ll give him a call.” Taylor’s brow raises and my mouth falls slack.

I look at this sweet girl with a heart of gold whose horns are now showing. I don’t know whether to be proud or scared. “This is beneath you.”

“What?” she scoffs. “Truth hurts, sister. I never saw you as happy as you were with him.”

“Lies!” I burst out suddenly. “God! This is the part none of you are grasping. He lied to me! For months I sat by him, slept in his bed—a bed he probably shared with his wife.” I close my eyes trying to shut out the memories flooding in. “Wife. Say that out loud and let me know how it goes down, because I want to vomit every single time. She has a name. Worse than that, he had other people keep his secrets.”

“I’m not saying he was right.”

“Then what are you saying? Because all anyone wants me to do is let him explain. But here’s the thing, Tay, he can explain all day and it doesn’t change the fact that I got this amazing job. I’m moving to California and if I was still with him, I probably wouldn’t be. So in the end this is better for me!” I say exasperated.

Taylor stands looking at me with a weary expression. “I’m just worried. I don’t want you to run away to California.”

“I’m not running. I’m starting over—which I deserve. There’s nothing here for me other than you and Ashton. I need to finish up here and then I have some conference calls tonight. Can you make sure the new files are in the box to go to California please?”

She nods and exits the room. I swear I’ve had this same discussion every day with either her or Ashton.

I look at the stack of letters from the gifts he sent, all unopened by me. Taylor read them when I refused and I can only imagine what they say. He has no problem melting my heart—he never has. It’s easy to get swept up in his charms. I don’t know if any of it was real. My heart says yes, but my head says it’s time to let go. The last time I didn’t listen to my head, look where it got me.

Glancing at the clock, I realize I’m going to be late meeting the realtor in Scotch Plains.

“Taylor,” I yell out. “Can you text me the agent’s number who’s handling my father’s house please?”

Grabbing my belongings, I rush out the door.

“Sure thing, good luck.” Taylor calls out as I head to the elevator.

Thankfully, I drove in to work today, so I can head straight there instead of going home first. I haven’t been back to the house since I first was there, but I spoke with an agent as soon as I took the job in California. It’ll help financially to sell it, and I don’t need anything holding me back here. I want no loose ends. It’ll be a clean break.

During the hour drive, I talk to my mother and let her know about the promotion. It’s been weeks since we’ve spoken, but she sounds genuinely happy for me. Which is surprising, but I’m grateful to be leaving on good terms.

Pulling up to the quaint house it looks different. Even though I haven’t been back here, I’ve had some things done to it. The landscapers took care of the overgrown bushes and I had painters do the outside. There are a few minor things I need to have replaced inside, but otherwise it’s going to be an “as-is” sale.

I smile as I see Mary peering out at the driveway. I give her a short wave and the curtain closes.

“Catherine?” she calls out and heads over.

“Hi, Mary.”

“I thought that was you.” Her warm smile shines bright. “I saw the workers here this week.”

Her honest concern for the house and for me is heartwarming. I’m sure if I lived here it would seem as if she’s nosey, but not having the ability to look after the house myself, it comforts me.