Before I Do(95)

“I’m sorry that happened to you, that he came between you and your mother, that he made you doubt yourself.”

“I don’t want to blame anyone else. Everyone hits road bumps in life; maybe I didn’t navigate mine too well.”

At the top of the low-walled field, they came to a row of saplings freshly planted in newly dug red earth. Josh pointed them out. “These are all new trees. They must have had a fresh wave of volunteers.”

“I planted them,” she said.

“What, all of them?” He raised his eyebrows.

“Yes. That’s why I’m sunburned and sweaty. Turns out I’m still terrible at digging.” She bent down beside one of the saplings and showed him the label she had tied around one of the branches. “I wanted to show you that I am on our team.” On the label she had written: “Josh and Audrey.” “These aren’t your trees, or my trees, they’re our trees.”

Josh smiled, and the relief of seeing him smile again made her heart sing.

“Audrey, this must have taken you all morning.”

“It took me two days,” she said, slightly indignantly.

“Two days?” His eyes grew wide in disbelief.

“Yes, I was here all yesterday and the day before too. This was my big romantic gesture.” She frowned. “What? I’m a slow digger!”

They fell into step again, walking along the row of trees Audrey had planted. His hand lightly brushed hers, and she tingled with nerves. “I know I’ve been selfish, not just about the wedding. I think I’ve taken you for granted, all the things you bring to my life, your generosity, your kindness, how straightforward you are. But I hope there are things I bring to your life too. I think I push you to try new things, even if it’s only a berry-flavored latte or asking for what you want at work. You used to live in a flat with empty white walls and now our home is full of color.”

“Yes, you do all those things,” he said, his voice warm with affection now.

“So yes, I have my head in the stars and you have your roots firmly anchored in the ground, but I think that’s why we work. And I still might not have found my calling in life, I might not be able to make up my mind about what flowers I want in a church or what I want to eat for dinner, but I know I want to spend my life with you. It’s the only thing I’ve ever been certain of.”

Josh reached out and took her hand. “Don’t think that you having a midwedding life crisis would be enough to stop me from loving you.”

“You still love me?” she repeated, and he nodded. Audrey jumped up and down in the field, which made Josh smile.

“It doesn’t mean you’re off the hook entirely, I just—” Josh frowned. “I hate that Benedict made you doubt yourself, and that you didn’t tell me any of this stuff before.”

“I know, I should have . . .” She paused, overjoyed to see the sparkle back in his eyes. “Was it the trees that swung it? Was it worth the blisters?” She looked up at him hopefully.

“You had me before the trees,” he said. “You had me way before the trees.”

“So, you do pay attention during rom-coms.” She shook her head.

“Sometimes.” He grinned.

“I didn’t even need to do all this digging, then?”

“No. But I’m glad you did.”

And then Josh leaned in to kiss her, and Audrey felt that maybe this was the beginning and not the end.





56


Two Weeks After I Didn’t




To: [email protected]

From: [email protected]

Subject: An apology

Dear Audrey,

Sorry for jumping into your inbox. I know you probably don’t want to hear from me. I managed to track down your e-mail address from Miranda, but I promise I won’t contact you again, unless you ask me to.

Firstly, I’m sorry everything got so heated at the wedding. You made your choice and I respect that. I strongly believe in fate guiding us to what we need, and I couldn’t believe fate hadn’t led me to that wedding for you, but clearly, I misread the signs.

I told you about my Museum of Obsolescence, the objects I collect with no use in the modern day. Their time has passed, and they are now a part of history. Perhaps the people we were in that photo booth now belong in my museum.

I recently learned that Millward Hall sits on two converging ley lines. There’s a concentration of ancient, primordial energy there—which might explain why things got so intense. I don’t know if you believe in these things, but I do.

On the way home from Somerset, I got off the train at Bridgwater; I just sensed that I should. I walked cross-country, all the way to the Glastonbury stone circle. There is so much energy around those stones, it was like being in a vortex. It’s hard to explain if you haven’t experienced it.

Why am I telling you all this? Well, I remember you telling me about multiverse theory when we met—how, if there is an infinite number of universes, then there is an infinite number of ways our lives will have played out. Somewhere out there, every life you might have led will be happening. When I was lying down in the middle of the stone circle, I had this vision of another world, where we didn’t lose each other’s numbers, where I didn’t get knocked off my bike, where Photo Booth Boy and Photo Booth Girl were both at Baker Street to meet each other that Sunday six years ago. It was so clear, Audrey, this glimpse. I just wanted you to know that alternate us, we were happy. You were a vet and made mini ceramic dogs in your free time, if that detail is of any interest.