Before I Do(92)
So, I am writing you something for that day. Firstly, to say I am sorry not to be there. I am sorry that my absence might add a somber note to a happy day. I am sorry I will not meet the person you have chosen to spend your life with. When I imagine this person, I hope they are kind, I hope they are selfless, I hope they are happy to build you up and watch you shine, because, trust me, some people won’t do that, however much they profess to love you. I hope loving them makes you see the world as a brighter place and gives your heart a safe harbor in which to thrive. My main advice for you, my darling, is never give up on love. Never. Give. Up.
You are the best story I ever began, Audrey—and I trust you to write the middle and the end. Remember, we are all simply atoms of stardust, you need only look up to find me.
All my love, Dad
It was as though he knew the exact words she needed to hear. Audrey wiped away a tear. “Thanks, Dad,” she said aloud to the sky.
54
Two Days After I Didn’t
Audrey woke up the next morning full of fresh resolve. Her night alone had allowed her time to pull her thoughts into focus, to work out what she wanted to say. She threw on a sundress and picked up the keys to her rental car.
As she drove across the island toward Josh’s hotel, Audrey reflected on some of the clarity she’d gained last night on the beach. She knew that in any relationship there would be conversations about council tax and arguments about who left crumbs in the bed. There would be friends the other person didn’t love as much as you did, hobbies you didn’t share, and that was okay—that was real life, not just the highlights reel. Love couldn’t be all dancing around bandstands or throwing yourself off Ferris wheels—frankly, that would be exhausting. Perhaps love was not about finding a jigsaw piece to fit you or a mirror to reflect you, it was simply about finding another human being who made your heart sing. Why did it all seem so obvious to her now? Would she be too late to convince Josh she knew all this?
Never. Give. Up.
The Mirador Agroturismo was an exclusive boutique hotel on the east side of the island, near Cala Llonga. The sprawling villa was all square white walls, dark wooden shutters, and tasteful wicker furniture. As she walked up the pebble pathway, under a trellis of pink bougainvillea, Audrey tried not to feel sorry for herself that she wasn’t staying there. The hotel looked just like it did on the website. Neat palm trees lined a pale blue, kidney-shaped pool. There were artfully placed wooden sun loungers with plush taupe cushions, and at the far end of the pool, two white four-poster beds with billowing linen drapes. It looked like the set of a music video, or somewhere Gwyneth Paltrow’s de-stressing therapist might come to de-stress.
To the left of the pool was a polished wooden bar. To the right, a cobbled patio framing an old olive press, and around the corner she could just make out the goat field and massage yurt. She remembered looking over Josh’s shoulder when he found this place. It had been his turn to choose their holiday, so everything had been planned to perfection. She even knew which room they’d booked and recognized the Juliet balcony of the honeymoon suite, overlooking the patio.
Well, if it was good enough for Romeo, it was good enough for her. Surely there was something romantic about proclaiming your love from beneath a balcony? The hotel looked practically deserted, with only a uniformed barman behind the bar and one elderly man in swimming trunks, facedown on a sun lounger. It was siesta time, everyone was probably asleep, which worked in Audrey’s favor—she didn’t need an audience for this.
Standing below the balcony, she called up, “Josh! Josh!”
What would she do if he wasn’t here? She called his name again, just as a figure opened the door to the balcony. Audrey couldn’t see his face, with the sun shining right into her eyes.
“Josh, it’s me! I just want to say one thing, and then I promise I’ll leave you alone for the rest of the week,” she called up to the balcony, shading her eyes with a hand. “When I met you, I don’t think I was looking for love, but you showed me how amazing it can be. You ground me, in the best possible way. That guy, Fred, might have been a long-ago what-if, but, Josh, you are my ‘what is.’ I’m so sorry that I hurt you. And you know, I don’t think love is destined, I think you choose who’s worth fighting for, and, Josh, I choose you. I’d choose you every time. I just hope you can forgive me for ever giving you a reason to doubt that.”
“Audrey?” A figure stepped out of the shadows, and Audrey saw that it wasn’t Josh standing at the balcony. It was Granny Parker.
“Oh hi, Granny Parker.” Audrey felt her shoulders slump in disappointment, her chest redden, and her brow start to sweat. “Is Josh there? That was kind of meant for him.”
“That depends.” Granny Parker adjusted the hotel robe she was wearing. “Is there more to this speech of yours?”
“Um, no. That was pretty much it,” Audrey said, offended. She thought that had been a pretty good speech. People were coming out of the hotel now, populating the bar and pool area. Some guests eyed her with idle curiosity as she stood calling up to the balcony. Before she could think of what to say next, a voice by the pool squealed, “Audrey!”
It was Keeley, the girl from the plane. She was wearing a huge straw sun hat and a bright blue shoulderless playsuit. “Oh my God, it is you! Jenny, look, it’s Audrey from the plane—Team Audrey!” The whole group of dancers from the plane was here. Was everyone staying in the lap of luxury but her?