Before I Do(93)



“Is Josh here? Are you trying to get back with him?” cried Keeley. “Oh my God, are you staying here?”

Audrey opened her mouth to reply, but then Granny Parker gave an indiscreet cough.

“Sorry, I’m kind of in the middle of something here,” she explained to Keeley, nodding toward the balcony.

One of the managers from the hotel had come out of the reception building and was now walking briskly toward Audrey.

“Don’t worry, she’s with me,” Granny Parker called down. “She’s come to deliver a romantic speech.”

“Well, I’ve kind of done the speech, I don’t have much more to say,” Audrey said, wiping her brow with the back of her hand. Romantic declarations really should be appreciated for quality, not quantity.

“I bet it’s going to be dead romantic,” said one of Keeley’s friends, clapping her hands in excitement.

Audrey looked back and forth between the group by the pool, the confused hotel manager, and Granny Parker. Keeley and her friends had shifted their loungers in her direction, ready for whatever performance they thought they were about to witness.

“If you want to be romantic, you should sing it,” offered an elegant Spanish woman who had now joined the crowd of onlookers.

“Definitely do a song,” said Keeley, clapping. “Everyone loves a song.”

Audrey felt the flush of embarrassment creep across every inch of her skin. “I don’t have anything prepared . . . ,” she muttered, but the crowd of guests were now all watching her, waiting expectantly.

“I’d like to hear a song,” said Granny Parker brightly. “I’m sure Josh would too.”

Audrey thought back to the conversation she’d had with Josh about romantic gestures. Hadn’t he once joked that all the great love stories end with a dance routine? Fine, if this was what it took to get Josh to come out here—a public, musical declaration, in front of all these people—then so be it. Audrey closed her eyes and was trying to think where to start when Keeley cried, “Wait!”

Audrey snapped her head left, to see Keeley having a quick word with the barman. He turned on a music system and a backing beat started to play on outdoor speakers. It gave Audrey something to work with, and she started to sing, freestyling as best she could.

    “Oh, Josh, you are the only man for me,

I love you more than all the stars I see.

Josh, you’re so great with my mum,

And you’re really good at making me . . . laugh.”



Audrey trailed off as she took in the crowd, who were looking on in bemusement. She was quickly losing confidence in this idea, and in her ability to make up appropriate lyrics on the spot. Keeley must have sensed she needed support, because she clapped her hands at her friends and then four of them rushed in to start dancing encouragingly behind Audrey.

Looking up, Audrey could see the shadow of a figure in the room behind Granny Parker. Josh was up there; she needed to keep singing.

    “Josh, I love that you moved a tree for me,

And every morning you bring me tea.

I’ll try and stop getting crumbs on our bedding,

I’m just so sorry that I ruined our wedding!”



Her pitch had gotten steadily higher as she’d gone on. Audrey was many things, but she was not a good singer. Behind her, the backing dancers had started trying to help her out by singing a refrain of “Josh, Josh, forgive her, Josh, Josh,” and snapping their fingers as they danced.

Audrey glanced over at Keeley, who was nodding along appreciatively and filming the whole spectacle on her phone. Looking behind her, she could see the backing dancers were excellent. Maybe this really was going to work. Who wouldn’t be won over by a live, improvised musical number outside their hotel room? Audrey joined in with the dancers’ refrain of “Josh, Josh, forgive her, Josh, Josh,” and even attempted a little twirl. Then there was a loud bang and pink glitter rained down from the sky.

Audrey turned to see a girl next to Keeley holding what looked like a glitter cannon.

“Liz! We needed that for tonight,” cried Keeley.

“Sorry, it felt like a glitter cannon moment,” said Liz. “I always carry one in my bag for emergencies.”

Audrey had run out of words; she also had glitter in her mouth and her nostrils. The backing dancers stopped singing, and they all looked up and waited for Granny Parker, or indeed Josh, to say something.

“Well, that was impressive,” Granny Parker declared at last. “But I’m afraid Josh isn’t here.”

The figure beside her stepped forward, and Audrey could see that it was a man dressed in the hotel’s burgundy uniform. “Me and Samuel from housekeeping thoroughly enjoyed it, though.”

Audrey sighed. All that glitter and embarrassment for nothing. The crowd of hotel guests by the pool were all staring, and Keeley was still filming on her phone.

“Please don’t post that anywhere, Keeley,” she said, hanging her head in disappointment.

“Wait there, I’m coming down,” called Granny Parker.

Audrey shuffled over to find a table by the pool bar, smiling awkwardly at all the people who had witnessed her failed performance. When Granny Parker arrived, she was wearing huge black sunglasses, a giant sun hat, and a hotel robe. She took a seat imperiously opposite Audrey.

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