Before I Do(66)

After what seemed like a long pause, Vivien said, “Why didn’t you tell me this before?” Her voice was strained.

Audrey just shook her head. Was it because each incident had been too small, too undefinable, that it was more of a feeling than one specific event?

“I didn’t want to upset you. I thought maybe if I moved out . . .”

They hugged for a while in silence, then Vivien shuffled in her chair and said quietly, “And it definitely can’t have been a misunderstanding? He has a tactile manner, his boundaries are . . . It couldn’t have been a mistake?”

“No. No mistake,” Audrey said; then, after a pause: “You don’t believe me?”

Vivien looked up, locking eyes with her daughter, and there was a steeliness in her face now.

“I believe you. I would always believe you.”





38


One Minute After I Didn’t



Last night, during her bath, Audrey had googled “things that can go wrong on your wedding day.” After the dramas of the rehearsal dinner, she thought it best to be prepared for every eventuality. The list she’d found featured problems such as “guests deciding to go vegetarian for the day,” “speeches going on too long,” and “forgetting to download your wedding playlist.” Nothing she had read mentioned the possibility of dead bats falling from the ceiling, the man who might be your soul mate unexpectedly turning up, an usher getting food poisoning, finding out your mother is having an affair with your ex-stepfather as he walks you down the aisle, or the reverend practically dropping dead during the service.

After the vicar and Audrey went down, Josh leaped forward, reaching out a hand to her first.

“Are you okay?”

She nodded dumbly, and he quickly turned his attention to Reverend Daniels, rolling him into the recovery position in the aisle.

“Any doctors? Samar!” Josh yelled, his voice commanding.

Josh’s school friend Samar ran down the aisle to help. The church hummed with a wave of sound as people shuffled to see what had happened, Debbie’s shrill cries of panic escalating above the rest.

“Call an ambulance.” Josh’s eyes darted up to Paul.

Audrey could see she was in the way, so she got to her feet, kicked off her shoes, and tucked them into a pew near the altar. Was this really happening? Audrey looked up and caught Granny Parker’s eye. Had Audrey caused this?

“Oh God, oh God.” Miranda was covering her mouth, staring down at the scene on the floor, and then Audrey felt a hand on her arm, guiding her away from the throng of bodies who were crowded around, trying to help.

“Are you all right?” Fred asked as he led her to the empty side chapel. Audrey turned to see Clara and Miranda following behind.

“Audrey, your head,” Clara said with a grimace. “I can’t believe that just happened. That was worse than The Graduate.”

“Is he okay?” was all Audrey could say.

“I’m going to get you ice, a bandage, some tissues. Will you wait here?” Clara asked Audrey, and then sprinted off out of the church.

“Can you see what’s happening?” Audrey asked Fred, trying to stand up so she could see. “He’s dead, isn’t he?”

“I’ll go and find out,” Miranda said, patting Audrey’s hand and heading back toward the front of the church, where Josh was asking everyone to stand back and give Samar space.

Audrey found herself alone with Fred once again. With a stab of guilt, she wondered if this had been the answer to some unconscious prayer, and the thought made her feel physically sick. She needed to get out of this church, to breathe fresh air.

“Don’t try to stand. That was a hard knock, just take a minute,” Fred said, then he paused, as though fighting back the urge to say something. He reached for her wrists and pressed a thumb to each pulse point. It was strangely comforting, and she let him do it. It was as though he was channeling some calming energy into her, and she felt her heartbeat become less frenetic. If this was fate intervening, fate had a dark sense of humor.

“He’s not dead,” Miranda said, coming back toward them. Fred dropped her wrists. “Paul says he’s breathing.” Miranda burst into tears, fanning a hand in front of her face. “I’m sorry, but can you imagine if he died during their wedding?”

Fred stood up to comfort Miranda, and Audrey took the opportunity to slip away, down the side chapel, back through the open church door.



* * *





Ten minutes later, Paul found her sitting in the woods.

“Here you are,” he said, sitting down beside her. He’d taken his tie off and was absentmindedly threading it between his fingers. “They’ve taken the reverend to the hospital. He was conscious, and the paramedics sounded optimistic.”

“Good,” Audrey said, reaching out to take Paul’s hand, squeezing it in relief.

“They’re all back there debating what to do. Josh is looking for you.”

“I just needed a moment,” Audrey said.

“You two haven’t had the best luck today, have you?” Paul gave a wry smile. “People aren’t sure if you’re married or not.”

“I didn’t say ‘I do,’ so I don’t think we are, no,” she said quietly. They sat in silence for a moment, then Audrey asked, “Do you believe in soul mates, Paul?”