Before I Do(63)

“I don’t want you to sleep on the couch,” he said, his voice shifting to a lower tone.

“You have more self-control than I do.”

“I don’t,” he said, kissing her neck, pressing his hands around her waist, and lifting her up onto the table behind them, slowly running a hand up her thigh. She let out an involuntary moan.

“I asked you up on our first date,” she said, her voice breathy and ragged as he started gently moving his thumb up and down across the soft, silky fabric of her underwear. “You turned me down.”

“And I haven’t been able to think about much else since,” he said, his breath hot against her ear.

“But you wanted to wait?”

“Because I want all of you, not just your body,” he whispered in her ear, leaving a trail of kisses down her neck as his thumb hooked over the top of her underwear.

“What makes you think you’ve got all of me now?” she said in a sly whisper, her hand clasping on to his back.

His hand stilled, and she rocked into him.

“Oh no, don’t stop, you’ve got me, you’ve definitely got me.”

He carried her into the bedroom and they made love for the first time, on his perfectly made bed. It wasn’t like anything Audrey had experienced before. It was slow, sensuous. It didn’t feel as though Josh was “racing to finish,” as some of Audrey’s previous experiences had. He genuinely wanted to please her, held her eye contact in a way that gave Audrey goose bumps but also made her fearful, though she didn’t know why. If sex before had felt like a tennis game, a friendly back-and-forth that ended in a draw, with Josh it didn’t feel like a game at all, and Audrey didn’t know if she was ready to feel everything she was feeling. This couldn’t last. This was the kind of sex that made you get too attached, that forged intimacy, that made things so much worse when they ended.

He lent her a T-shirt to sleep in and let her choose which side of the bed she wanted. She had never had a “side of the bed” before. In the night, when she couldn’t sleep, she wandered through to the living room and found a map of Britain on his desk. It had all the trees he had planted marked and numbered. Her heart filled with him. When she finally slept and woke, she found him, wearing only boxers and thick-rimmed glasses, presenting her with tray of food—a bowl of strawberries, a croissant spread with jam, and a steaming cup of coffee.

“Nice glasses,” she said, taking the tray from him.

“I usually wear contacts,” he said self-consciously.

“I like them, very Clark Kent. This looks delicious, thank you. Are you not having any?” Audrey sat up in bed and was about to pick up the croissant when she noticed something flash across Josh’s face.

“I’m good, I made it for you. Fuel for your day.”

Audrey paused and looked around at the meticulously clean room, everything perfectly ordered, then down at the buttery, sticky croissant.

“You don’t want me to eat this in your bed, do you? I’ll get crumbs on your sheets.”

He sat on the bed and leaned forward to kiss her, pulling her lower lip gently into his mouth.

“I’m trying not to be the guy who worries about crumbs on his sheets.” Audrey got up with the tray and started walking with it through to the kitchen. “Honestly, I don’t mind. The romantic breakfast-in-bed gesture doesn’t work so well if you don’t have it in bed,” he said, following her down the corridor.

“You’re allowed to be the guy who worries about getting crumbs on his sheets, Josh. I won’t love you any less.”

The words stuck in her throat.

“I mean, not literally,” she said, correcting herself. “Um, I’m just going to use the bathroom now.”

She stood in the bathroom, still holding the tray of breakfast, and glared at herself in the mirror. You’re going to freak him out if you start telling him you love him after three weeks.

Outside the bathroom, Josh was waiting for her in the corridor.

“Hey,” she said awkwardly. Oh great, now it was awkward. She’d made it awkward, and now he was going to ask her to leave and he wouldn’t call her again and this would be over—

“Hey,” he said with a smile. “I just wanted to say, I won’t love you any less for getting crumbs on my sheets, or for anything you might say or do . . .” He looked into the bathroom. “Except maybe leaving the tap running.”

She smiled up at him, her shoulders relaxed, and then he ran a hand up inside the T-shirt she was wearing, and the tray of food was soon abandoned in favor of more pressing needs.





36


Ten Minutes Before I Do



Brian got a call from Vivien to confirm that the church smelled acceptable. They were good to go. Outside the church, Paul hovered beneath an umbrella by the porch. He looked uncharacteristically stressed.

“All okay?” Audrey asked.

“It is now,” Paul said, shaking his head. “Ben is traumatized, though.” Then he looked across at Miranda. “You all look lovely, by the way.”

“Thanks,” said Audrey.

“I’ll head in, then. Good luck,” said Lawrence, patting Audrey’s arm and then striding off to take his position in the church.

“You’ve got this. You ready?” asked Clara.