BAD REP(136)

“Eli...” I started but he cut me off with a laugh.

“Sorry, babe.  I don't mean to get all serious on you.  What I'm trying to say is there's more to each of us than the other thought.”  He turned to face me and I had a hard time reading his expression in the newly descended darkness.  The streetlights had come on and the world was still.

I looked at Eli.  I mean, really looked at him.  He was right, I knew nothing about him.  I had judged him early on and hadn't changed my opinion in all the months since I had met him.  But seeing him sitting there, with the cigarette dangling loosely from his fingers with their chewed down nails and callouses from playing the guitar, I knew that I had been extremely unfair to him.   Because there was so much more to this good looking guy sitting beside me.  And I felt a little disappointed that I wasn't going to be the girl to find out exactly what that more was.

“I'm sorry,” I said simply, only able to say the basic truth.  Eli's face was unreadable.

“You don't have to apologize, Mays.  I knew all along that you could do a lot better than townie trash.  No hard feelings,” he said those words without an ounce of self-pity.  He voiced them as stone cold fact.  He believed them.  Deeply.

“Eli.  You are not townie trash.  You are one of the most down to earth, laid back guys I know.  And you deserved a hell of a lot more than to be tugged around by some selfish college girl who doesn't know her ass from her elbow,” I told him truthfully.

Eli and I stared at each other for the length of a heart beat and then he grinned.  “Thanks, babe.  But you don't need to blow smoke up my ass.  But I appreciate it all the same.”   And just like that our moment of seriousness was at an end.  I was sort of glad because I didn't know what to make of this new Eli.  It had thrown me for a loop.

“So, where's your new man?  I should probably head out if he's comin' by.  I don't need him making good on all those threats he's thrown my way,”  Eli said, stubbing out his cigarette.  I followed suit and put my butt in the ashtray.  I rested my hands on my knees and closed my eyes.

“You don't have to worry about that.  He won't be coming by.  We broke up,” I said a little breathlessly.  It was hard to get those words out.  The gaping wound, wrenched wide open.  Eli frowned.

“You broke up?  Why?  I've got to say I'm surprised.  With the way that dude threatened to rip my nut sack off, I know he's into you.”  Guys were so black and white sometimes.

“Yeah, well I broke up with him.  There's been a bunch of stuff going on and, I don't know.  I guess I let it get to me,” I said, surprised I was talking about this with Eli of all people.  But after our little moment earlier, I felt like there was a chance he may understand.

Or maybe not.

“Well that's f*cking stupid, Mays,” he said, short and to the point.

“Gee, thanks, Eli,” I bit out sarcastically.  He tapped his finger on the back of my hand to get me to look at him.  So I turned my head and met his eyes.

“Seriously, Maysie.  That's dumb.  When you're into someone.  I mean, really into them, who gives a flying f*ck if there's shit going on?  You man up, or woman up, and deal with it.  You deal with it and then move on.  You put your shit behind you and you stick together,” he said emphatically.  Wow, I had never seen Eli so passionate about something.   And I knew he was speaking about something I didn't understand.  Something that rang true for him, deep down.

But I was obstinate.  “You don't know what was going on,” I mumbled.

Eli snorted.  “I don't need to know what's going on to see you've got your head so far up your ass you can't see straight.”  My mouth dropped open and I didn't know if I should laugh or be insulted.

“You like the guy?” he asked me.  I nodded.

“I think I love him,” I said softly.  How weird was this?  Admitting I loved Jordan to my ex-boyfriend.  My ex-boyfriend who as it turns out was way cooler than I thought.

“Well, shit, Mays.  Then you need to fight for him.  Don't give up on something like that. It doesn't come along very often.  And when you find it, you hold on tight.  You lock that shit down with an iron fist and you never, ever let go.  Even when life tries to take it from you, you smack life upside its head like a little bitch and you keep on fighting for it.  You hear me?”  I couldn't help but laugh.  That was some supremely strange advice.  But I got what he was saying.  It made sense.