BAD REP(141)

Charlie looked uncomfortable but didn't say anything.  I gritted my teeth and held out my pen.  “Would you prefer to write this stuff down?  I mean since your ideas are so superior to mine,” I said with sarcastic politeness.

Cyndy widened her eyes in mock surprise.  “I'm not trying to be rude or anything, Maysie.  I mean, I know that's probably the best you can come up with.  But some of us take this class seriously and would like a passing grade.”  She gave me a patronizing smile.

I slowly put the pen down on my desk and folded my hands over the paper.  I leveled both Cyndy and Aimee with a hard look.  “Okay.  It's no big mystery that you don't like me,” I began.

Cyndy peered down her nose at me.  “Yeah, no mystery there,” she said condescendingly.

I cleared my throat.  “Okay, let me try this again.  I really don't give a f*ck what you think about me.  Sorry that I actually have a life that involves a bit more than sitting on my couch, eating ice cream and watching PBS while pontificating to my only friend about how morally superior I think I am.  See, some of us live our lives and enjoy them.  If you spent as much time actually getting to know people instead of judging them, you'd find that you're no better than anyone else.  So you tell me why in the hell would I waste one second of my time worrying if two sad and lonely bitches liked me?  And, let me make myself crystal clear.  If you have nothing more to offer this group than your bad attitudes, then you can do Charlie and I a favor and keep your mouths shut.  Because some of us would like to do our work and spend less time listening to your condescending bullshit.” I gave them both a bright smile before turning to Charlie, who sat there with his mouth hanging open.

“What are your thoughts on the themes of season and time in the Knight's Tale?” I asked him batting my eyelashes.  Charlie coughed and looked over at our fellow group members who seemed taken aback.  I had to suppress the urge to laugh.  But that would ruin the moment, so I pretended they weren't even there.

Charlie and I opened our books to the Canterbury Tales and started going through the text as I wrote down our ideas.  And after a few minutes, Cyndy and Aimee joined in.  They were still cool but their scathing comments were noticeably absent.  We were able to finish up the essay in record time and when we were done Aimee tapped her pencil on my desk.

I looked up at her and she gave me a small smile. “Good job,” she told me.  It was on the tip of my tongue to reply with some sort of sarcastic comment, but I figured that would completely undo our tentative truce.

So I had smiled back and said “thanks.”

After that, there were no more hateful comments during the Shakespeare/Chaucer class and I felt I had won a small victory.  I started walking with my head just a little bit higher.  Sure it did nothing to erase the gaping hole in my chest, but I stopped feeling like such a victim.  Taking a proactive stance in my life was long overdue.

“Check out the grin on your face!  What's the occasion?” Vivian asked as we sat down for lunch one day in the commons.

“Nothin'.  Just feeling kinda good,”  I replied, sliding into my seat and opening my bottle of juice.

“Well that's a nice change,” Gracie said, stirring ranch dressing into her salad.

“You know, there's really no point in eating a salad if you're going to dump 2,000 calories on top of it,” I told her dryly.

Gracie took a huge mouth full and daintily dabbed her mouth.  “Mmm.  Delish,” she said after swallowing.  I rolled my eyes and returned to my lunch.

“So how are things at Chi Delta?” I asked, trying to ignore the accompanying knot in my stomach.

Vivian looked at me pointedly.  “Do you really care?” she asked.

I laughed.  “Not really, but thought I'd ask.”  I took a bite of my hamburger, ketchup oozing out of the sides, just the way I liked it.  Gracie swirled her salad around in the bowl.

“Do you miss it at all?” she asked me quietly.

I took in a sharp breath.  Did I miss it?  Of course I did.  I missed feeling like I was a part of something.  I loved the community and the sisterhood.  I missed having the belief that there were forty-five other girls who would have my back.  Even if that had turned out to be a lie, I missed the illusion of it.

But I sure as hell didn't miss the cattiness and the back stabbing.  And the hatred disguised as friendship.  When I thought about it like that, the negatives far outweighed the positives.   “Can't say that I do, ladies,” I answered truthfully.  Gracie sighed.