Angel in Scarlet (Bound and Determined #4)(70)

But at dawn? Did he expect her to leave the house in the dark and wind her way through the woods? She could probably manage it. The path to the folly was well trod, and she imagined the one leading from it was also. But what gentleman asked a lady to do such a thing?

Perhaps one who thought she was capable. And wasn’t that a strange thought. Did Colton actually trust her to do this on her own? Evidently he did.

But did she dare? Wasn’t the note itself an unspoken dare?

She did have to admit that if they were to meet, it could not be much later than dawn, or she would be seen. Did it matter if she was seen?

That all depended on what she was going to say to Colton. And that was still a mystery even to her. She wasn’t even sure she would go. Only how could she not?

Then there was that Please. Colton never said please.





Chapter 20


She’d hardly slept—and yet she was not tired. Her whole body hummed with unwanted anticipation. Sliding from the bed, she looked about for the simple dress she’d worn the other day, finding it hanging in the back of the wardrobe. She was lucky the maid had not already taken it to be brushed and freshened. There were other gowns that she could manage by herself, but this was by far the easiest.

She pulled it over her head and tightened it up.

There was not much she could do with her hair, so she left it in its single braid and hurriedly pulled slippers onto her feet and grabbed a shawl.

A moment later she was scurrying down the hall, listening to every sound. It was not yet light, but she could hear the maids beginning to move, sneaking into rooms to set fires. She slowed her step; as long as she looked as if she knew what she was about, no maid would question her.

Down the stairs, around the corner, and then she stopped. Were the doors still locked? She had not considered such a thing. How early did the porter make his rounds, unlocking things for the day? She slipped into the library and tried the narrow door leading out to the terrace.

Locked.

Should she wander the house, searching for an open door? There must be several for the maids and houseboys to use. Still, it would look odd if she was seen at the kitchen door. Perhaps she should pretend to be going out for a ride. Many ladies did that while in the country.

And then she heard steps. She looked about, trying to think where to hide. It probably was not necessary, but…She ducked down behind a heavy armchair.

The porter entered, a large string of keys at his belt. A footman followed, holding a candle.

“Now, William,” the porter said, “it is most important that you unlock the library door early. Any young gentlemen who were waylaid at the village tavern may come in this way. We do not wish to leave it open all night, but it is always good to let them in early. It does save explanations.”

A look passed between the two men. The door was unlocked and they turned and left.

Angela said a little prayer and then slid through the door and was free. She was glad to have heard the explanation about the returning young gentlemen. It added extra care to her step and a touch of fury to her stride.

Men.

She knew exactly why they’d be coming in late from the village.

Drunkenness would be the best of it.

She didn’t even want to think of barmaids and such.

Why did they have to act like such—such—such…Blast, she didn’t even know an appropriate word. She pulled in a breath and calmed herself. She’d already determined that a lady had to ignore this aspect of society—no matter how much she wanted to scream and yell.

She’d had no trouble attaching her affections to one man and keeping them there—and that included the affections of her body as well as her mind. Why could not men be the same?

And Colton was no better.

A chill took her. That was still the core of it all, the core of her worry, of her doubt.

Colton was no different from any other man. He’d kept a mistress while he was courting her.

She must not forget it, for all she’d done her best to ignore it, to put it in the past.

And she was considering marrying him.

She pulled in a deep breath. She hadn’t even realized that she was still so affected by the knowledge that he had been unfaithful. Yes, she knew it had changed her, made her less willing to take risks, forced her to hide her emotions even from herself, but as long as it was all a game she did not have to think about it. As long as she planned to turn down his proposal, she did not have to think about it. If what was between them was not real, was all a game, then it did not matter how he acted when he was not with her.

Only now it was no longer a game. Now it was real.

And now she must think about, must talk to him about it.

Could she lay all her feelings out? Could her trust extend that far?

And if it didn’t, could she even imagine saying yes?

She stopped and turned to look at the house, lights appearing in a few upper windows. Perhaps she should just return and go back to bed. And then what?

If she didn’t meet Colton and talk to him, how would this ever be resolved? And resolved it must be. She’d spent far too long playing this dangerous game.

Her feet began to move again, fast and sure.

She would tell Colton no, and she would tell him why. She would tell him that she could not be with a man she did not believe would be faithful, a man she knew had not been faithful in the past, a man who did not love her. And more, she would explain that she did care for him, that she cared for him far more than she ought, but that she truly wanted a love match, she wanted a man who did not ask her to marry him because he thought they would muddle along well enough.